Author Planofool Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 She has a confirmed appointment with a Counselor/ therapist at her work.
SierraRose Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Moving out with your son sounds like the best solution yet...
Author Planofool Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Quick update: My 16 yr old daughter missed her curfew last Saturday night by an hour and a half. She called crying saying she was lost and some man was following her..........When she got home she was crying and so on. My wife didn't believe her story and immediately grounded her for missing curfew. My only contention was that if her story was true it was very tramatic for her and where was any type of emotional help from my wife. So this started a major argument between us about discipline and lying and so on. She said our daughter was lying and deceitful and would say anything to make me believe her. So I said well she takes after her mother, I said I can't believe you don't see the parralel between this and what you have done to me with all your deceipt and lying. Well I guess I should have seen this coming. She went to her 2nd appointment with her therapist and of couse they discussed this episode and now the therapist wants me to come in. I know it is to discuss my lack of discipline in raising the kids and the way I don't back my wife up on her decisions. She said she was going in to ask the therapist how long she should put up with me bringing up her long term EA with her x boyfriend/cousin. She calls it the scarlet letter. When I asked what the therapist had said about that she said oh I haven't had a chance to tell her about any of that. So they have talked about her hording and shopping and our daughter and me but nothing has been mentioned about holding on to the men in her past which is why she went in the first place. What did I think would happen ......duh
Owl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 So again...what are you going to DO about that? Accept it? Tell your wife that you're ok with her not directly addressing the reasons you required her to go to counseling in the first place? Draw a line in the sand, and make it crystal clear that you're no longer going to accept her deflection and avoidance of the REAL problems? Until she suffers a consequence...she's not going to have any reason to change.
Author Planofool Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 I was thinking I would bring it up at the therapy session where she can't weasel out of it and it will have to be talked about. Maybe we can even get into an argument so the therapist can meet the real wife.
Owl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 That's not a bad thought. That's the real value of a counselor...they provide a 'safe' environment to address issues that would otherwise not likely be addressed otherwise. Where are things at on cleaning out the house?
Author Planofool Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 That was what they discussed at their first meeting. My wife is waiting for the magic key to unlock all her problems.They spent the first session discussuing the way she was raised. She recommended she go to those meetings for children of alchoholics. They also discussed her hoarding and shopping. She asked her about her marriage and day to day life. Nothing has been said about cleaning up yet. I was just really glad she was going until I realized their not going to discuss the real problem until somebody brings it to the therapist attention. I should have known this would get used against me.
Author Planofool Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 This writing should probably move me to another forum but the therapist says it is all tied together. My wife's shopping disorder worked it's way into shoplifting. She got caught shoplifting from the grocery store. She had just bought 80.00 dollars worth of groceries. She stole a tire guage and dog treats. Went to jail and I got her out right away. That crime is a felony in our county. She got put on probation and had to pay a fine. All totaled it cost us 2000.00 dollars and she got her name in the paper. Her current therapist said she needed to go somewhere that had medical capabilities also. She is now seeing a new therapist that only knows about the shoplifting and hoarding problems. She doesn't know about the infidelity yet. My therapist said hang on to your hat no telling what she will do next. I can't imagine what she will do. I have seen no contact from her to the OM. I even gave her the opportunity to contact him. He had been caught shoplifting years ago and I figured he would be the voice of experience to help her. If you followed any of my previous post you would know she felt like she was helping him when they were having their phone affair. Oh well just wanted to update you fine folks. You guys are probably trying to figure out why I am still with her........so am I.
Author Planofool Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 I forgot to ask if anybody has had experience with a shoplifter as your spouse and how does it relate to other problems including infidelity. The therapist said it wasn't surprising to her.
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