Myspace Hell: Do not check their profile!

[Jolie76]

I left a comment on another thread about the dangers of going to the person you love or liked myspace page. It is really really difficult to not go there. I'm having some problems too.

The person I love more then anything is with some one now in a relationship and I found out while I was in Italy and it ruined my trip. I went to his myspace page to leave him a comment and found her cryptic comments, so like a idiot I went to her page and found out alot of info I didnt' want to see.

 

I cried then and I cry now cuz its a friend he's dating which hurts more, him and I are still friends so I cannot take any of my pain out on him but moving on, I got back to the states a few days later still devestated and in extreme pain but thought it would be best to act normal.

 

See we have been getting back into our normal pattern after a second two month long fight. Fights are irrealevent at this point. I love him he knows but never gives me a chance, hes committment phobic and knows with me it's a full blown relationship etc so were just friends.

I'm off track geesh so anyway I left him a comment just saying I was back and can't wait to see talk to him and show him my pictures etc. Cuz on his myspace page it still says single and he hasn't told me yet I'm not sure he even know now that I know. Anyway I've noticed in the last month or so how distant he's being and that he isn't online anymore or he's invisible and we were suppose to get togather last month to play volleyball and he cancelled at the last minute. We haven't seen each other in 6 months and I was nervous too but anyway, the comment I left I waited a couple days but I wanted to know if he posted it, so like a idiot I went to his page and he still hasn't posted it and I havent heard from hm in three weeks now.

 

The myspace advice I gave the last person I take myself, three days ago I looked at his page and couldn't resist going to his new girlfriends page BIG MISTAKE!! she has just posted picturs of them from Halloween at her house and they were sitting togather on the floor looking all happy etc. Broke my heart in a billion pieces and its now burned into my head the image. I cannot for the life of me get it out and its my own damn fault. I urge people to NOT go to their pages even if your still friends and you think there is no harm checking his status once in a while. It will destroy you.

He still hasn't changed his status it still says Single but after what I saw four days ago, I have forced myself to never go to his site again.

 

I recommend this, if you feel the urge to go to their site, take a rubber band and snap it hard on your hand, it will hurt but going to their page and seeing things that you don't want to see will hurt ALOT more trust me.

 

IF any people have any other suggestions let's hear them, I'm alittle strong today only cuz I have cried all night and im okay for the moment.

 

I hope this helps

[MichiganMan222]

I concur and got stung myself. Nothing, nothing, nothing, NOTHING ever good comes out of checking FB or MS. People want confirmation that their ex ISNT moving on and it ALWAYS backfires.

 

There's no better way to set yourself back to square on (or worse). RESIST THE URGE!!!!!!! Don't look folks. It'll only tear you to shreds.

[stoneymirror]

That's why you remove them as a friend. Don't fool yourself, checkin that crap is just asking for it. U get your hopes up, then you find out they're dating someone else. Come on what were you expecting? If you're ever going to move on you need to stop beating yourself up like this. No good, no good at all.

[Jolie76]

It wouldn't make a difference if there a friend or not you can still check their profile either way. It may help a bit if they have it set to private but most don't and that doesn't solve anything in my opinion.

 

I see what your saying though and for some that may be the best thing but for others like myself he is a friend first and foremost and I'm not deleting him, he has done nothing wrong, I will just learn to not go there. I know your not speaking to me directly but I thought Id respond with my opinion.

[pushforward]

He has done nothing wrong?

 

Why does it matter what he feels?

 

You really need to go strict NC and remove any type of reminder of him.

 

It's in your best interest to not check his myspace or the new girl. It will only hurt you. Do you want to be a glutton for punishment?

 

I know what you are going through. I experienced it first hand. I saw my ex wrapped around the new guy's arm. How did that make me feel? Like God had forsaken me and that humanity has no hope. I was very emotional at the time. I still am. I was browsing a friend's myspace. Didn't know they even knew each other. As soon as I recognized that it was her. I closed it immediately. Felt my heart drop. Felt like I got kicked in the stomach. Started to have anxiety attacks. ETC.

 

What really helps is strict NC. You need to detach yourself from this vicious cycle. Step out of the circle and remove anything of him and that new person. Look out for YOU now. What you are feeling and subjecting yourself to is SELF torture.

 

Take two of the lesser evils and let go. Go NC. Heal your wounds and move on. Staying friends only hurts you. You can never be just friends with somebody you want and love. Unless sufficient time has passed where you really don't have romantic feelings for this person.

 

Don't be a doormat. Stop torturing yourself. (I am seriously writing this as if I were speaking to myself. Excluding that I am a guy.)

 

You deserve better treatment. So why don't you start taking care of yourself? He didn't ruin your trip. You let him. If you didn't check, you wouldn't know. No new information = no new hurt. Get the idea?

 

Be kind to yourself and work through it. This is tough, but we're here if you need support!

[Jolie76]

Thanks for the advice

 

I just wanted to start a thread for others about my Myspace experience and the dangers of going on there and what happens.

 

[MichiganMan222]

And a little FYI from experience...sometimes removing them as a friend isn't enough. You have to remove mutual friends as well. The reason is that when you jump on, FB, it will give you lists of people 'You may know' to suggest friends. well of course it displays your ex if she's on one of your friends' friend list....granted you only see the profile pic, but that can be enough. Tread lightly around this social networks if you want to heal ASAP.

[EmperorR]

I deactivated my facebook, I slipped up and went to my ex facbook and saw she was dating after she text me one day it hurt, since then no more.

[Melrapuo]

And a little FYI from experience...sometimes removing them as a friend isn't enough. You have to remove mutual friends as well. The reason is that when you jump on, FB, it will give you lists of people 'You may know' to suggest friends. well of course it displays your ex if she's on one of your friends' friend list....granted you only see the profile pic, but that can be enough. Tread lightly around this social networks if you want to heal ASAP.

 

Yea, this is why I completely deleted my myspace. I haven't been on it in about 3 months now (except to see if I can find some new music.)

 

Checking on the social networks is a no-no. At least you can block them on Facebook.

[bayouboi]

You have to tell loved ones to stop snooping their online profiles too... I recently found out she's preggers from the OM even though our divorce nor his is finalized yet through a loved one's sleuthing ;x

[sedgwick]

I haven't had the slightest urge to look at my ex's myspace. Seeing him would break my heart. I deleted all his friends and everyone who had anything to do with him. I just don't want to know, I couldn't deal with it.