Greentrees Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 So, let me just start out saying that I looked around this site for an hour before deciding to post. I think it's awesome that there is a place like this for people to vent feelings and get advice/support. That being said, I just have a quick question for all of you fine people: The ex broke up with me after a rough patch in our LDR saying that it just wasn't working for her and I said okay, naturally. She then said that she still wanted to talk to me and that I was one of her best friends. I told her not to expect to talk to me, and that I didn't think it would be appropriate for us to have an active role in each other's lives. I ended the conversation telling her to have a good semester, and haven't contacted her since. That was about 2 weeks ago, and I haven't heard anything from her. I have to admit, I still want to get back together with her and I don't know if I should just let it be or just send a light text to remind her I exist...she may have interpreted my 'have a good semester' as that she shouldn't even bother to talk to me...thoughts? Hm, well maybe that was a little more drawn out than I thought, haha.
CaliGuy Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 So, let me just start out saying that I looked around this site for an hour before deciding to post. I think it's awesome that there is a place like this for people to vent feelings and get advice/support. That being said, I just have a quick question for all of you fine people: The ex broke up with me after a rough patch in our LDR saying that it just wasn't working for her and I said okay, naturally. She then said that she still wanted to talk to me and that I was one of her best friends. I told her not to expect to talk to me, and that I didn't think it would be appropriate for us to have an active role in each other's lives. I ended the conversation telling her to have a good semester, and haven't contacted her since. Ok, so you said this.... That was about 2 weeks ago, and I haven't heard anything from her. I have to admit, I still want to get back together with her and I don't know if I should just let it be or just send a light text to remind her I exist...she may have interpreted my 'have a good semester' as that she shouldn't even bother to talk to me...thoughts? Then you say this. What was the point of saying the first thing to her when that's not what you really want? I think you have 1/2 of the NC thing correct. "Leave me alone, stay out of my life, I don't want any contact with you..." but now you seem to regret it. Staying in contact with her, being her "friend" won't put you in a good position for a second chance. On the contrary, it will only serve to put you further in the friends zone. She said it wasn't working and you said you didn't want to be her friend. What do YOU want?
L-FUZZ Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 SOOOo contact her at the end of her semester,, that is a good amount of time to let things breathe,, since you already mentioned NC (In away) then keep it that way ... she wont forget that you exist.. ha ha!! you think your post was drawn out,, you need to read some more post ,my friend..... this was an extremly short post in comparison:laugh:
Author Greentrees Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 Honestly Caliguy, I'd like to get back together with her. But, I'm waiting for her to make the first move, if any. I can see how more contact would just equal more emphasis on the friendzone. However, I'm just nervous that she's not contacting me because I told her not to expect to talk to me (duh). Ah, it seemed like the right thing to say at the time....
lofi_tokyo Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I think L-Fuzz makes a good point. You started the NC process without realizing it, so why not stick it it? You can call her at the end of the semester and see how shes doing if you feel ready for the possibility she may have moved on. When you break up with someone, even if you have fallen out of love with them, the idea of losing them entirely is gut wrenching. It hurts losing a friend (even if you we're never really "friends"). It could be possible your ex does not want to come back, and said the friends thing because she meant it, she wants FRIENDSHIP! Until you are ready to accept the breakup entirely, heal, and be over her, its probably a good thing the two of you are not talking. Chatting with her and seeing how uninterested she is in you romantically would sting. Maybe, when all is said and done, at the end of the semester, after having some space, your ex will be ready to try things again. Most likely though, she wont be. If shes not contacting you, its for a reason: she does not care to at this time. She may think of it occasionally, but she does not feel pressed enough to try. If you ex wanted you back, she would let you know in subtle ways - she'd be texting you occasionally at the least, maybe call you out of the blue, e-mail... there's lots she could do.
Author Greentrees Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Ah, thanks for the advice guys. Sometimes a little bit of cold logic is what the doctor ordered. I almost contacted her on thursday, almost. Then I came to the realization that even if we did talk, would it make me feel any better? Would there be anything I wanted to hear? No, there wouldn't be. It's hard, though. I keep feeling like if I tell her I miss talking to her, she'll reciprocate and things will get better between us. But, if she really had those feelings, she would let me know, right? Besides, she broke up with me, so the ball is in her court...
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