I'm a Virgin...

[soyou]

This may count:

 

Right now you are very consistent with the idea of keeping your virginity till your marriage because you have never dated.You have never had a boyfriend. You dont know the feelings of how a man loves you, take care of you and pay attention to every little thing about you and also about how he can make you feel so touch, so moved, and so intimate.

 

You may think very different if you have a "good" boyfriend, who loves and cares a lot abt you. At some moments, you might be even more than willing to give him anything in life. (including your virginity)

[MissTiger]

This may count:

 

Right now you are very consistent with the idea of keeping your virginity till your marriage because you have never dated.You have never had a boyfriend. You dont know the feelings of how a man loves you, take care of you and pay attention to every little thing about you and also about how he can make you feel so touch, so moved, and so intimate.

 

You may think very different if you have a "good" boyfriend, who loves and cares a lot abt you. At some moments, you might be even more than willing to give him anything in life. (including your virginity)

 

It wouldn't go that far because I wouldn't take it there. The first boyfriend I do get I'm setting boundries. I will tell him that I am a virgin and he gets only three stikes when it comes to touching me in a sexual manner. On the thrid strike he's out, I'll break up with him. Might sound harsh to you but this is how it's gonna be. Holding hands, kissing, and hugging will be allowed.

[tinogrrl]

I want my husband to be a virgin as well. I'd be disappointed if he didn't wait for me,our marriage bed would be pretty "crowded" if you know what I mean.

 

 

I applaud your determination in wanting to remain a virgin until you are married, however, your expectations for your future husband are unrealistic. Finding a virgin man who is your age or older is going to be like searching for a needle in a haystack, much less one that you are compatible with.

 

Men are not psychics (and neither are women for that matter!); they cannot possibly know in advance who they will end up falling in love with or marrying. Punishing or being dissappointed in a man for his past sexual experiences before you even meet is, IMO, completely unfair.

[Viking]

If you look at her very first post, I'd say she's having doubts, and is looking for validation to either stick with her original premise, or to change it. If she were totally 100% sure of her decision, she wouldn't be asking for opposing viewpoints.

 

 

Any virgins here agree with me? And is there anybody who doesn't?

 

I'm a 23 guy and am still a virgin. It is all dependent on who you date, whether they respect your choice or not and how strong you as an individual are.

 

Its hard, but not impossible. If you find someone who has very similar values to you, it will be better. If you go to church, start looking there, not the football team at school.

[movingonandon]

...and I'm proud of it. Sex is overrated and I see my virginity as a rare and precious gift, like a diamond. I want my husband to be the only lover I'll ever know. I want my husband to be a virgin as well. I'd be disappointed if he didn't wait for me,our marriage bed would be pretty "crowded" if you know what I mean.

 

Any virgins here agree with me? And is there anybody who doesn't?

 

Ha, I kinda miss the good ole times when it was still possible to marry a virgin. Not sex, intensive dating is overrated, and creates the self-deceiving mentality that "there is someone out there that will fill all of my needs and that all i need to do is to date until i find him/her". After establishing that there is some basic level of comparability and atraction between two people, i think that any marriage can and will work out just great, *given that there is sustained mutual commitment and effort*. Our grandparents were indeed the greatest generation ever: they fought two wars, survived the depression, and on top of all that they rarely, if ever, divorced. They certainly were not happy all the time, but unlike us, the contemporary crybabies, they stuck it through through highs and lows and made it work.

 

That said, things have gone way too beyond the traditional understanding of marriage, so you may have trouble finding guys willing to commit to marriage without "test drive". And it's also a self-fulfilling prophecy: although I'd rather have an old-school marriage, including perhaps (?) the virginity part (though it is hard to tell in retrospect...) I know that this approach to dating freaks most girls out, so i play along... Sigh...

 

The other risk you run is to have too high/unrealistic expectations of sex, and, less likely - some genuine sexual incomparabilities...

[MissTiger]

I want my husband to be a virgin as well. I'd be disappointed if he didn't wait for me,our marriage bed would be pretty "crowded" if you know what I mean.

 

 

I applaud your determination in wanting to remain a virgin until you are married, however, your expectations for your future husband are unrealistic. Finding a virgin man who is your age or older is going to be like searching for a needle in a haystack, much less one that you are compatible with.

 

Men are not psychics (and neither are women for that matter!); they cannot possibly know in advance who they will end up falling in love with or marrying. Punishing or being dissappointed in a man for his past sexual experiences before you even meet is, IMO, completely unfair.

 

I don't want to catch a STD and God only knows how many women he's slept with before me. So that's why I want a virgin for a husband, I don't have to worry about catching anything.

 

The only reason I'd be disappointed if I did marry a non-virgin is because he didn't wait long enough to know that he could given himself to the woman would love him forever, but I'd get over it. He cheated himself.

[Trimmer]

It wouldn't go that far because I wouldn't take it there. The first boyfriend I do get I'm setting boundries. I will tell him that I am a virgin and he gets only three stikes when it comes to touching me in a sexual manner. On the thrid strike he's out, I'll break up with him. Might sound harsh to you but this is how it's gonna be. Holding hands, kissing, and hugging will be allowed.

Given your baseline philosophy, it doesn't sound harsh to me at all; as a matter of fact - again, given your premise - I think you are being incredibly lenient allowing it to go to THREE strikes. If you're looking for the guy who has truly been intending to save himself, and you've made it clear that sex is not an option, then doesn't the first strike send up a warning flag, and the second strike tell you all you need to know? Why give him three chances?

[norajane]

I don't want to catch a STD and God only knows how many women he's slept with before me. So that's why I want a virgin for a husband, I don't have to worry about catching anything.

 

What happens if you never actually find a male virgin? Or never find a male virgin that wants to marry you?

 

The only reason I'd be disappointed if I did marry a non-virgin is because he didn't wait long enough to know that he could given himself to the woman would love him forever, but I'd get over it. He cheated himself.

Oh, so you would marry a non-virgin, then. What about the "crowded bed"? Wouldn't it be too crowded for you?

 

See, this is where I have a hard time with the concept. Somehow, your virginity is a precious gift to him, but you'd get over it if he doesn't give you the precious gift of his virginity. And you believe he's cheating himself if he's not a virgin when he marries you, but you wouldn't feel cheated that you saved yourself for him and he didn't save himself for you.

 

That double standard doesn't seem right to me. Does it really seem right to you? That it's ok if he's not a virgin, but you need to be?

[belladonna]

I personally disagree with the thread-starter. Sex is definitely not overrated. It is amazing. Sure, the longer the relationship, the better the sex (if you and your partner are communicating during sex properly) but there's no need for me to wait until marriage. Actually, I haven't really decided if I want to get married at all, and if I do it won't be for another 6-7 years that's for sure (I'm 21).

 

But from my experiences I've learned that I love sex and it is really important for me in a serious relationship. And that I have no regrets giving it up at all!

 

But good luck with all that!

[MissTiger]

What happens if you never actually find a male virgin? Or never find a male virgin that wants to marry you?

 

Oh, so you would marry a non-virgin, then. What about the "crowded bed"? Wouldn't it be too crowded for you?

 

See, this is where I have a hard time with the concept. Somehow, your virginity is a precious gift to him, but you'd get over it if he doesn't give you the precious gift of his virginity. And you believe he's cheating himself if he's not a virgin when he marries you, but you wouldn't feel cheated that you saved yourself for him and he didn't save himself for you.

 

That double standard doesn't seem right to me. Does it really seem right to you? That it's ok if he's not a virgin, but you need to be?

 

No I wouldn't feel cheated, why should I be? Unfortunately men have to prove themselves by sex 80% of the time, and that's not right. Sex isn't what makes him a man. Yes, I need to be a virgin because I have that self-respect and it shows that I'm willing to wait for that special guy. If I do marry a non-virgin he's gonna be tested for every single STD including HIV/AIDS.

 

@belladona: Sex may be great,but that doesn't define a relationship. It's the emotional and mental love that really counts. Sex is just an accessory, you don't have to have it.

[oceangrl]

Sex is just an accessory, you don't have to have it

 

.....

 

It's the emotional and mental love that really counts

 

Yes thats true....but you express that emotional love and mental connection through sex.....so you DO need it. Its not the same type of intimacy as just kissing or holding hands....its a deeper connection

 

If you don't have to have sex, then you don't have to have this deeper intimacy/emotional love.

[norajane]

No I wouldn't feel cheated, why should I be? Unfortunately men have to prove themselves by sex 80% of the time, and that's not right. Sex isn't what makes him a man. Yes, I need to be a virgin because I have that self-respect and it shows that I'm willing to wait for that special guy. If I do marry a non-virgin he's gonna be tested for every single STD including HIV/AIDS.

 

So it's ok if your husband doesn't have that same self-respect and isn't willing to wait for that special girl (you)?

 

And it's ok with you because men "have to prove themselves 80% of the time" through sex? Who are they proving themselves to?

 

Shouldn't he be proving himself to you by waiting? Why do you want to give someone the gift of your virginity when it would seem he isn't worthy of it since he doesn't have the same self-respect nor respect for you?

[belladonna]

@belladona: Sex may be great,but that doesn't define a relationship. It's the emotional and mental love that really counts. Sex is just an accessory, you don't have to have it.

 

 

Well of course it doesn't solely define a relationship. But to me, it's part of a relationship. Obviously I'm not talking about flings here but about doing it with someone you really care about. There's a need for emotional love, but also physical. I'm also a really touchy-feely person..I guess that's got something to do with it.

[motive2002]

As naughty as I've been, I wish I had waited. BUT, on the other hand, if I had waited for marriage before having sex, well.. I'd still be a virgin since I've never been married!

 

Once your virginity is gone, it's gone forever. For those in the "test drive" camp, how can you know the sex is bad if you've had nothing else to compare it with?

I wish I could have those first experiences back. Sex seems to get more complicated the more partners you have. Certain interests or fetishes develop, and can lead to disappointment if your current partner "isnt into that" when you are. See what I mean?

Ever meet someone that's into all kinds of weird stuff? It's all learned behavior. Then there's the issue of "retroactive jealousy".

 

I'm thinking of a bit that Sam Kinison did in his stand up.. something about being her deepest darkest chapter in her sexual history.. something to drive her future boyfriends crazy.. I guess you would have had to hear it, but that's what I mean about retroactive jealousy. One of my exes had already tried double penetration at the tender age of 15. That was a hard image to erase from my mind... and was a bit shocking to hear about.

 

My last ex was into submission.. and liked to be slapped in the face and degraded during sex. These are the sorts of things I'm talking about. There is no innocence or discovery left.. and the new experiences are getting harder to come by, and people's personal fetishes developed over a large sexual history can seem awkward or overwhelming.

 

If i could have a clean slate, I would do it in a heartbeat, no question about it. Here we have someone with that clean slate.. and if she wants to save it for a life partner more power to ya!

 

My opinions of course.

[tinogrrl]

Unfortunately men have to prove themselves by sex 80% of the time...

 

Could I get the source for this statistic, please?

[movingonandon]

As naughty as I've been, I wish I had waited. BUT, on the other hand, if I had waited for marriage before having sex, well.. I'd still be a virgin since I've never been married!

 

Once your virginity is gone, it's gone forever. For those in the "test drive" camp, how can you know the sex is bad if you've had nothing else to compare it with?

I wish I could have those first experiences back. Sex seems to get more complicated the more partners you have. Certain interests or fetishes develop, and can lead to disappointment if your current partner "isnt into that" when you are. See what I mean?

Ever meet someone that's into all kinds of weird stuff? It's all learned behavior. Then there's the issue of "retroactive jealousy".

 

I'm thinking of a bit that Sam Kinison did in his stand up.. something about being her deepest darkest chapter in her sexual history.. something to drive her future boyfriends crazy.. I guess you would have had to hear it, but that's what I mean about retroactive jealousy. One of my exes had already tried double penetration at the tender age of 15. That was a hard image to erase from my mind... and was a bit shocking to hear about.

 

My last ex was into submission.. and liked to be slapped in the face and degraded during sex. These are the sorts of things I'm talking about. There is no innocence or discovery left.. and the new experiences are getting harder to come by, and people's personal fetishes developed over a large sexual history can seem awkward or overwhelming.

 

If i could have a clean slate, I would do it in a heartbeat, no question about it. Here we have someone with that clean slate.. and if she wants to save it for a life partner more power to ya!

 

My opinions of course.

 

This is a hall of famer. One of the most rational/sensible posts in a long time

[ambivalent_dude]

...and I'm proud of it. Sex is overrated and I see my virginity as a rare and precious gift, like a diamond. I want my husband to be the only lover I'll ever know. I want my husband to be a virgin as well. I'd be disappointed if he didn't wait for me,our marriage bed would be pretty "crowded" if you know what I mean.

 

Any virgins here agree with me? And is there anybody who doesn't?

 

I've stumbled onto this site (and this forum post) completely by accident and find this forum to be quite interesting. I don't usually get into stuff like this but people here seem to be mature about things, so here are my 2 cents: I'm a 24 year old virgin guy myself (which many people find laughable) and I agree with you MissTiger. I too plan to hold out till marriage and hope to find a decent virgin woman. It would be great if you do find a virgin partner for yourself and get married and it's great. You two get to 'discover' sex and learn about it (practically) together. He/she regards sex to be just as sacred as you do. It's something special shared between the two of you alone and so much more than just a primal physical act. No baggage carried over from previous experiences. Unfortunately as I see it, there are hardly any virgins left. Honestly few people really value sex on a higher level and it really doesn't mean as much to them. In fact a lot of people don't put much thought into it at all. Most people's idea of sex is shaped by the media (which is appalling). So not only do you need to find someone who is a virgin, but also someone on the same wavelength as you... the chances of which are very low. Sorry, I don't mean to make assumptions or generalisations about EVERYONE, but this is the idea I get talking to people.....and I've spoken to quite a few people. There are ofcourse exceptions and in-betweens. A lot of people say sex is part of human nature, and that its only natural. I think the fact that we are humans (and higher beings) rather than animals gives us the ability and the principles to rise above basic instinct and biological hard-wiring to find a deeper meaning here. This has turned into more of a rambling rather than just 'my 2 cents' :-P. A useful opinion here? Or a load of nonsense? I guess we each decide for ourselves. In any case, good luck to both of us MissTiger (although I have to admit: your lack of experience/interaction with guys make me wonder about what you'll think when you do actually meet a nice, genuine guy you care about).

[movingonandon]

another under-appreciated aspect of virginity till marriage is if that works out that way (the fact that it is unlikely is irrelevant), you're the only person that has made feel the other "that way" and vice verca (i.e. fall in love enough to have sex; so sex does become stronger component of the relationship). no baggage, no regrets, no exs. This doesn't mean that there won't be problems down the road, but i see this as the main reason why such marriages might have a better chance. the fact that people were able to wait means that they are less likely to wonder "what else is out there" to begin with.

 

(obviously, this only matters if we agree that marriage is something important and worth pursuing/preserving, which I don't think is the prevailing opinion)

[norajane]

another under-appreciated aspect of virginity till marriage is if that works out that way (the fact that it is unlikely is irrelevant), you're the only person that has made feel the other "that way" and vice verca (i.e. fall in love enough to have sex; so sex does become stronger component of the relationship). no baggage, no regrets, no exs. This doesn't mean that there won't be problems down the road, but i see this as the main reason why such marriages might have a better chance. the fact that people were able to wait means that they are less likely to wonder "what else is out there" to begin with.

 

(obviously, this only matters if we agree that marriage is something important and worth pursuing/preserving, which I don't think is the prevailing opinion)

 

That's a lovely ideal. However, I think the determination to remain virgins until marriage tends to mean that virgins rush into marriage to the first person they fall in love with (or the first person that makes them want sex badly enough and confuse that with love), and then live to regret it when they realize that falling in love doesn't mean they're compatible or that their "in love" will last long after the deed is done.

 

There is more to marriage than "in love", and those of us who have fallen in love with the wrong people know what a huge mistake it would have been to marry that person, especially if that first love was at an age when both people are very young and have a lot of growing and changing to do in the decades ahead.

[RecordProducer]

Sex is just an accessory, you don't have to have it

Only a non-horny person could say such a thing.

If I do marry a non-virgin he's gonna be tested for every single STD including HIV/AIDS.

Is this what this is all about: STD's? What happens when you get married? How are you going to be sure that your husband won't cheat or won't get HIV from blood transfusion? I assume you'll never marry a member from the medical occupation because they put themselves at risk on a regular basis (especially surgeons)?

[MissTiger]

Only a non-horny person could say such a thing.

Is this what this is all about: STD's? What happens when you get married? How are you going to be sure that your husband won't cheat or won't get HIV from blood transfusion? I assume you'll never marry a member from the medical occupation because they put themselves at risk on a regular basis (especially surgeons)?

 

My husband wouldn't have any reason to cheat. He loves me right? So he won't have an affair with some other woman. And getting HIV from a blood transfusion is slim.

 

I wouldn't mind marrying a doctor. As long as he showers twice, once after an operation and again when he gets home, there won't be any problem.

[Gremio]

Male, mid 20s here...

 

There have been a lot of opinions in this thread, and I'm going to throw out how I feel about it, which may or may have not been said in the past nine pages.

 

I can see the point both ways here, but no one will change how you feel. I can tell you how I feel about sex and perhaps this may shed some light on you.

 

I am a very sexual person. I enjoy sex, look forward to it, and appreciate the bond it creates with someone. I have been with less than 10 people in my life and prefer to stay under double digits. In that regard, I do not believe in one night stands or having sex because you are horny. If I am genuinely interested in someone when first dating, I prefer to wait. I do not want to rush into anything and want to enjoy the relationship. It will only make the connection that much more special when it happens.

 

I know I am far from the norm. Just last night, in bringing up a relationship question with a male friend, his exact words were "it's all about the pussy". I even have two male friends who blatantly call me gay because I choose not to be permiscuous and sleep around as they do.

[norajane]

My husband wouldn't have any reason to cheat. He loves me right? So he won't have an affair with some other woman.

 

If you read through the infidelity or OW/OM forums, you'll see that loving your spouse doesn't have much to do with whether someone will cheat.

 

I wouldn't mind marrying a doctor. As long as he showers twice, once after an operation and again when he gets home, there won't be any problem.

I don't even understand this in the context of RecordProducer's post about medical professionals being in a high risk profession when it comes to HIV infections (and hepatitis, fyi). HIV is spread through blood/bodily fluids contact. Showering does not prevent HIV or hepatitis infections. Medical professionals get infected via cuts or needle sticks, not from touching blood during an operation.

[berrieh]

Yes, I need to be a virgin because I have that self-respect and it shows that I'm willing to wait for that special guy.

 

These two thoughts run counter to each other. Virginity has nothing to do with self-respect. I have immense self-respect and thus no need to demonstrate to some man that I was "waiting" for him. If you're waiting, it should be for yourself. Not him.

 

Many of us self-respecting non-virgins feel confident in our own sexuality and respect ourselves by forming the kind of relationships WE want, which may be different from your view. The important thing about virginity is deciding to lose it on YOUR terms---for some people, like you, that might be marriage, but for others, it isn't. Respecting yourself means deciding what your terms are and being true to them.

 

Sex may be great,but that doesn't define a relationship. It's the emotional and mental love that really counts. Sex is just an accessory, you don't have to have it.

 

Sex is a major part of a functional relationship. Social science has demonstrated this for years; it's a fascinating subset of anthropology to explore sexual themes. Emotional, mental, AND sexual love all count at putting together a healthy relationship. Without that sexual component, even if it's just anticipation of sex and wanting it, a relationship is no different from platonic affection.

 

My husband wouldn't have any reason to cheat. He loves me right? So he won't have an affair with some other woman. And getting HIV from a blood transfusion is slim.

 

I wouldn't mind marrying a doctor. As long as he showers twice, once after an operation and again when he gets home, there won't be any problem.

 

People in love do sometimes cheat, you know… With such a lack of intimacy (nothing more than hand-holding?) before marriage, how long do you imagine dating this person? How well do you imagine knowing them before marriage? How can you be sure it’ll work out?

 

I think it’s a fallacy to assume just because someone waited for marriage means they’d never cheat. First of all, cheating isn’t always about sex. Second of all, that person has never come to grips with their sexual existence as a person, so they’ve never been confronted with the temptation to really “cheat” before. I’ve known people who married as virgins and cheated.

 

The poster mentioned doctors/surgeons in the subject of HIV/AIDS – what on earth does showering have to do with anything? You can’t shower away blood diseases. ??? And what would two showers do that one wouldn't?

[Green]

Given your baseline philosophy, it doesn't sound harsh to me at all; as a matter of fact - again, given your premise - I think you are being incredibly lenient allowing it to go to THREE strikes. If you're looking for the guy who has truly been intending to save himself, and you've made it clear that sex is not an option, then doesn't the first strike send up a warning flag, and the second strike tell you all you need to know? Why give him three chances?

 

Seriously with three strikes rule I'd probably hit a home run before that... haha really it should be one strike if shes really serious... but know one is going to be able to show her the error of her ways until she actualy gets in a situation.

 

Unfortunately men have to prove themselves by sex 80% of the time...

 

Could I get the source for this statistic, please?

 

The source is her bum and you can't see that mmmkay

 

I agree with you except not in such extreme terms. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and we are 18. He believes in waiting until marriage or atleast engagement and I believe in whenever we are "ready". However I have no problem with his desire to wait. I don't have a "need" for sex. Just being with him keeps me happy. But if the issue of losing my virginity was to arise I would want it to be to him, and no one else because I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

 

If the issue were to arise as you put it of losing your virginity feel free to travel south toward me

 

I'm shy around guys and guys don't come up to me. I'm not ashamed that I haven't done any of those things yet. The time will come when that happens.

 

 

We should do some of the things you havn't done yet before you talk any more about this virginity things. How about we hold hands and kiss:cool: