Things going pretty well, but she has a boyfreind

[Funkymonkey]

So there's a girl I'm intrested in. She has a boyfreind, he gave her permission to hang out with me like 2 nights ago. It was a blast, we both had a great time, I even taught her how to drive! Thing is, throughout the "hang out" he kept calling her to check in and stuff, and she was like yeah don't worry i'll be fine, he's going to teach me how to drive, and like I could hear him through the phone saying stuff like no don't let him teach you its too close. At this point, i'm smiling cause I know that him being the super-over protective boyfreind is only going to push her away. Let alone push her towards me. So he ends up letting me teach her. I drive her home. Great way to end off the night. Now the next day she calls me, gives me a random call, we talk on the phone for literraly like 4 hours, she's reading me love poems friendship poems and **** that she wrote for her boyfreind, and she said something about falling asleep with me on the phone with her???!!!! I tell her I gotta go and i advise her to get some sleep, we hang up. Now the day after being yesterday, she sends me another random txt, saying hey what are you dng ? and thus another txt conversation starts.

 

She claims to love her boyfreind, I'm really intrested in her, but i'm trying to play my part, back off and let her settle her **** with him. but I'm really enjoying the attention shes giving me at the moment haha. Now my question is, Is she intrested in me enough to break up with her boyfreind, Should I back off completely, and let her do the chasing like what i'm doing right now or what.

 

Any suggestions? Thanks

[Yamaha]

She's just having fun with you.

It's funny how guys get caught up with a women, buy her dinner, be her friend and then she goes home to her bf and you go home alone.

[jadedone]

And next time she might complain about what a jerk her bf is, but she'll still be going home to him.

 

Welcome to the friendzone. You are fullfilling her emotional needs while her bf fulfills her physical needs.

[Funkymonkey]

She's just having fun with you.

It's funny how guys get caught up with a women, buy her dinner, be her friend and then she goes home to her bf and you go home alone.

 

 

Funny thing was that she paid for the drinks.

[D-Jam]

Any suggestions? Thanks

 

You answered it yourself:

 

but she has a boyfreind

 

You have to be careful here. Seen way too many women out there who will try to split a relationship among two men. Usually happens when the guy she's sleeping with won't be into anything intellectual, can't hold a deep conversation with her, plays the masculine front when sensitive moments happen, and at times neglects her as a mate...like he'll refuse to put on a suit and go to that wedding she was invited to.

 

So she meets some nice guy whom she clicks with intellectually, and has him play the role of wedding date, deep conversationalist, sensitivity partner, and even many times the shoulder for her to cry on when her actual boyfriend does something to upset her.

 

Seen one girl who would take her nice guy friend to her parents' house, but never the actual boyfriend...mostly because they wouldn't approve of him.

 

Sounds like you're in the same mess here Funkymonkey. Hate to be the hard cynic, but she is NOT going to dump her boyfriend for you. She likes him physically and likes sleeping with him, but he won't be the mental part of a boyfriend she wants. So she's thinking she can split this amongst the two of you.

 

When push comes to shove, the other guy gets the title of "boyfriend" and you are always lumped into "just friends". You're wasting your time with this one. I don't care how much you two click. If she wanted you then she would have ended it with her man and/or told you she wanted you.

 

You're friendzoned I'm sorry to say. Deal with it...and DO NOT let her suddenly date you while boyfriend gets the sex. You know what I mean...nice guy takes her out to dinner, movies, pays for it all...and gets a hug while she gets out of the car at her boyfriend's place...then she goes inside and sleeps with him.

[Yamaha]

I totally agree with D-Jam. Seen women use guys to get what she's not from the BF and she goes looking for a guy friend. If you push her for more she will tell you she likes you as a friend but he is her BF. I also had a friend where she took him to family functions because the family did not like her BF. Don't get used for a BF when you're not in a relationship with her.

 

All you will get is emotionally attached but no sex so cut your losses and say NO to being just a friend when you want more.

[O'Malley]

She's your run of the mill attention junkie. She gets validation from the attention other guys give her, while keeping them at arms length with "but I have a boyfriend, I thought we were just friends," when the 'friend' pushes too hard for more. Stop being her attention fix; let her be the one to contact you, to seek you out and flirt with you. Make it clear that you don't want 'friends only' and see what she has to say. Most likely the above.

 

Even if she dumps her boyfriend for you, what do you have? An attention wh*re who develops new 'friendships' with other guys while you play the role of the duped boyfriend.

[PrincessPeach]

If the girl is willing to break up with her boyfriend so that you can become the boyfriend... then there very well may be a day when you are the boyfriend she leaves for another guy. If she does it once, she is only more likely to do it again.

 

I have a couple friends who do this regularly, and they rationalize everything with themselves so they don't feel bad about doing it and on't even realize it becomes a habit for them. Watch out, protect yourself.

[D-Jam]

This is why I tell guys to be black and white on the subject.

 

If you want said girl as a girlfriend, then don't settle for the friendzone. Don't let her get half a boyfriend out of you while some other douche gets to enjoy the sex, intimacy, and title of "boyfriend". Make it clear if she wants the intellectual/emotional stuff from you, then she's gotta go all the way and make YOU the 100% boyfriend.

 

If you don't mind being "just friends" and think she's cool as a friend, then SET LIMITS. Don't let her make you her crying blanket or backup guy when her BF disappoints her, like the wedding date analogy I mentioned earlier. Have her treat you as a REAL FRIEND and not as a pseudo-boyfriend. That means she also cares about your well-being. She will introduce you to single females she knows, and help your love life as you would help hers. She'll have your back the way you have yours...or else it's not a real friendship.

 

If she FZ's you...FZ her. Meaning she's now your friend and if down the road after a string of jerks, she can't suddenly come up and claim how she's always loved you...when she's really using you as her last resort/backup plan.

 

You have to be all or nothing. You think the "bad boys" or "jerks" would settle for being the emotional/intellectual partner who doesn't get any intimacy out of the "relationship"?

[kashmir]

Hey, it's cool to have good female friends that you spend quality time with, but not when you become emotionally attached. In that case, it works out like this:

 

She gets 200% of her needs filled, since she's getting attention from both you and her boyfriend.

 

The boyfriend is getting 100% filled, since he's sleeping with her.

 

And you're getting NOTHING. Well, you're getting her friendship, but if you want more then the benefits of her friendship don't come close to the emotional damage done.

 

Don't be offended if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're in high school (since you're teaching her to drive). If that's the case, then every aspect of this becomes much less serious. Even though she says she loves her boyfriend, she really doesn't...they're just young and naive. If you guys are young, then most likely he isn't sleeping with her either. He might not even get to kiss her. High school bf/gf's tend to be close friendships and nothing more.

 

I'm mentioning this because if you are indeed in high school, then you shouldn't really give a crap about anything since it won't be that good anyway.

 

Like I said, I apologize if you aren't, but it's just something I observed.

[Funkymonkey]

Thanks guys, I see where your all coming from. I geuss, i'm just going to completely back out of this. If she wants to become friends then i'll set limits.

 

Oh and the other funny thing is that she's a virgin.......apparantly

 

 

And 4 other things. I'm not trying to find reasons to prove why I'm better than her boyfreind but these are the things i'm sure of.

 

#1 I am better looking, much more confident person too and I'm not a cocky guy , But i know this as a fact, and I know she knows it herself

 

#2 Much better social life, and I have directions in life

 

#3 Her boyfreind dropped out of school in 8th grade, drug dealer

 

#4 I am simply the better guy at everything. I know it, I geuss if she's to blind to see that, I'll move on completely but I don't get why she would do this? I KNOW FOR A FACT that she knows i'm the better guy but why would she choose him.

[windows]

thats the spirit.

maybes its because of attachment she's with him? too nice to dump him?

You may be the better guy but she has the poorer eyes to see that. Would you suddenly dump your girl to be with some other 'better' girl? even if you've been with your girl for a while? Think about it; its a tough choice.

A friend once told me; "you can do whatever you want to get her to say yes but that won't change the fact she has to make the choice. You can't actually make her say yes; you can try asking or reasoning why but in the end it's up to her."

it sounds like you're bordering FZ

[Funkymonkey]

Don't be offended if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're in high school (since you're teaching her to drive). If that's the case, then every aspect of this becomes much less serious. Even though she says she loves her boyfriend, she really doesn't...they're just young and naive. If you guys are young, then most likely he isn't sleeping with her either. He might not even get to kiss her. High school bf/gf's tend to be close friendships and nothing more.

 

I'm mentioning this because if you are indeed in high school, then you shouldn't really give a crap about anything since it won't be that good anyway.

 

Like I said, I apologize if you aren't, but it's just something I observed.

 

 

It's my first year in college, she's still in high school, her boyfriend is my age. What does that come down too? She's defenetly really naive, so I'm just gonna let that relationship rot on it's own.

[Bells]

Seen one girl who would take her nice guy friend to her parents' house, but never the actual boyfriend...mostly because they wouldn't approve of him.

 

Wow...that's VERY suprising...and a new low.

 

Imagine the poor guy is thinking, "Wow, she's bringing me to meet the parents....next step is falling in love, getting married, with kids, and a white picket fence! I mean, after all, she's introducing me to her parents....KIND of a big deal!"

[Yamaha]

Wow...that's VERY suprising...and a new low.

 

Imagine the poor guy is thinking, "Wow, she's bringing me to meet the parents....next step is falling in love, getting married, with kids, and a white picket fence! I mean, after all, she's introducing me to her parents....KIND of a big deal!"

 

 

I've seen the same thing. A women asked a friend of mine to go to her parents so he thought he was in the pink, so to speak. He later found out they don't like her BF and he was there to keep the tension down. He was really hurt by the whole ordeal....

[MN randomguy]

thats the spirit.

maybes its because of attachment she's with him? too nice to dump him?

You may be the better guy but she has the poorer eyes to see that. Would you suddenly dump your girl to be with some other 'better' girl? even if you've been with your girl for a while? Think about it; its a tough choice.

A friend once told me; "you can do whatever you want to get her to say yes but that won't change the fact she has to make the choice. You can't actually make her say yes; you can try asking or reasoning why but in the end it's up to her."

it sounds like you're bordering FZ

 

+1

 

not a bad place to be, just don't get too emotionally attached. If she wants to talk about other things, great. If she wants to whine about her BF to you, refuse to hear it. Tell her to dump him for you if she doesn't like him. Also, if you are currently "just friends" expect her to wingwoman for you. Don't make this easy for her.

 

If it all blows up, be prepared to walk away. If you were 7 years older, I'd agree with a lot of the attention wh*re thing. At this age if she doesn't have a pattern of it it may be her not knowing what she wants. Also, could be the whole reluctance to dump the first BF.

 

Second thought, maybe it is too much of a mess:rolleyes:

[movingonandon]

So there's a girl I'm intrested in. She has a boyfreind, he gave her permission to hang out with me like 2 nights ago. It was a blast, we both had a great time, I even taught her how to drive! Thing is, throughout the "hang out" he kept calling her to check in and stuff, and she was like yeah don't worry i'll be fine, he's going to teach me how to drive, and like I could hear him through the phone saying stuff like no don't let him teach you its too close. At this point, i'm smiling cause I know that him being the super-over protective boyfreind is only going to push her away. Let alone push her towards me. So he ends up letting me teach her. I drive her home. Great way to end off the night. Now the next day she calls me, gives me a random call, we talk on the phone for literraly like 4 hours, she's reading me love poems friendship poems and **** that she wrote for her boyfreind, and she said something about falling asleep with me on the phone with her???!!!! I tell her I gotta go and i advise her to get some sleep, we hang up. Now the day after being yesterday, she sends me another random txt, saying hey what are you dng ? and thus another txt conversation starts.

 

She claims to love her boyfreind, I'm really intrested in her, but i'm trying to play my part, back off and let her settle her **** with him. but I'm really enjoying the attention shes giving me at the moment haha. Now my question is, Is she intrested in me enough to break up with her boyfreind, Should I back off completely, and let her do the chasing like what i'm doing right now or what.

 

Any suggestions? Thanks

 

Wow, this is a match made in heaven - you're a weasel for pursuing a girl in a relationship (unless you back off completely), and she's a ho for disrespecting her bf so blatantly (unless she breaks it off completely with her bf before she calls you again).

[MN randomguy]

you're a weasel for pursuing a girl in a relationship

 

Hmm, this is almost a topic for a new thread, not to hijack, but I don't feel that way.

 

Does the D-bag BF get "dibs" because he was there first? I used to think this way, but now think that that's the difference between dating and being married. If someone else can convince her to leave him, why not. You're not a home wrecker unless they're married.

[movingonandon]

Hmm, this is almost a topic for a new thread, not to hijack, but I don't feel that way.

 

Does the D-bag BF get "dibs" because he was there first? I used to think this way, but now think that that's the difference between dating and being married. If someone else can convince her to leave him, why not. You're not a home wrecker unless they're married.

 

of course it's not about having "dibs", it's just incredibly disrespecftul - both of the girl and of the other guy; whatever problems they have, they should either work them out, or break it off. in either case, they should be left alone; to intrude and play active role in this is taking advantage of the situation in a very dishonorable - exactly what a ****in weasel would do. it is so incrediblyl easy to sway a gullible girl by being everything that the boyfriend is not; that's why guys that do it from my point of view are scum; i don't care if the bf is a douche; that's irrelevant at this point;

 

different people, different morals. i personally would never, ever even think of pursuing a girl in a relaitonship; if she expresses interest in me, i'd still call her a ho unles she breaks with her guy before trying to do anything with me;

[Funkymonkey]

+1

 

not a bad place to be, just don't get too emotionally attached. If she wants to talk about other things, great. If she wants to whine about her BF to you, refuse to hear it. Tell her to dump him for you if she doesn't like him. Also, if you are currently "just friends" expect her to wingwoman for you. Don't make this easy for her.

 

If it all blows up, be prepared to walk away. If you were 7 years older, I'd agree with a lot of the attention wh*re thing. At this age if she doesn't have a pattern of it it may be her not knowing what she wants. Also, could be the whole reluctance to dump the first BF.

 

Second thought, maybe it is too much of a mess:rolleyes:

 

 

What's not a bad place to be? And what do you mean by wingwoman?

[Funkymonkey]

of course it's not about having "dibs", it's just incredibly disrespecftul - both of the girl and of the other guy; whatever problems they have, they should either work them out, or break it off. in either case, they should be left alone; to intrude and play active role in this is taking advantage of the situation in a very dishonorable - exactly what a ****in weasel would do. it is so incrediblyl easy to sway a gullible girl by being everything that the boyfriend is not; that's why guys that do it from my point of view are scum; i don't care if the bf is a douche; that's irrelevant at this point;

 

different people, different morals. i personally would never, ever even think of pursuing a girl in a relaitonship; if she expresses interest in me, i'd still call her a ho unles she breaks with her guy before trying to do anything with me;

 

 

And no, I pursued her beacuse i was attracted to her. I didn't know she had a boyfriend untill that night I went to pick her up.