Is Catharsis Truly Catharic?

[Ingenue]

In five days, it’ll be exactly 5 months since my ex of 5 years dumped me. In the initial days and weeks I removed the tangible reminders of his presence: pictures, emails, clothes, gifts, letters, books and other miscellaneous objects. Housed in a large box, they sat at the back of my closet for the past several months gathering dust.

 

Today, for some inexplicable reason, I pulled that box out and removed all the pictures. Without knowing why and without thinking, I sat on the floor and ripped those photos to shreds, five years worth of pictures, expurgated. Perhaps I thought it would be cathartic. Perhaps I felt I was truly ready to dispose of those photographic memories. I have no idea what possessed me to do it this afternoon.

 

As I sat on that floor amid the torn faces and limbs, all I could do was cry, gut wrenching sobs. I hadn’t cried like that in a very long time. This act of ripping photos was supposed to be cathartic. But yet, I feel nothing of the sort.

 

When is catharsis truly cathartic? Will I feel free and open and released tomorrow? Or do we all just fool ourselves into thinking that symbolic acts release memories? All I know is that I feel like crap right now and I'm kicking myself because I'd felt good for quite some time.

[Chinook]

In five days, it’ll be exactly 5 months since my ex of 5 years dumped me. In the initial days and weeks I removed the tangible reminders of his presence: pictures, emails, clothes, gifts, letters, books and other miscellaneous objects. Housed in a large box, they sat at the back of my closet for the past several months gathering dust.

 

Today, for some inexplicable reason, I pulled that box out and removed all the pictures. Without knowing why and without thinking, I sat on the floor and ripped those photos to shreds, five years worth of pictures, expurgated. Perhaps I thought it would be cathartic. Perhaps I felt I was truly ready to dispose of those photographic memories. I have no idea what possessed me to do it this afternoon.

 

As I sat on that floor amid the torn faces and limbs, all I could do was cry, gut wrenching sobs. I hadn’t cried like that in a very long time. This act of ripping photos was supposed to be cathartic. But yet, I feel nothing of the sort.

 

When is catharsis truly cathartic? Will I feel free and open and released tomorrow? Or do we all just fool ourselves into thinking that symbolic acts release memories? All I know is that I feel like crap right now and I'm kicking myself because I'd felt good for quite some time.

Nope, you'll feel free and released the next time you go to take that box out and look at the photos and it isn't there. There is always a moment when we backslide and nostalgia forces us to look back... and it's always painful. I did the same thing you did... 10 years worth in my case. I felt just as bad as you do. I cried and sobbed all that day, couldn't even go to work. I felt pretty bad. I've never had a bad day since then though...

[Peter_pan]

hmm i was thinking about doing this but not so sure :s

 

cuss even though i know were done, they are nice things she said at that particular moment in time. and even if static objects are still present, dosnt mean that the memory will disappear.

 

but when had my first gf when i was 15 it lasted 6 months and i was devastated, she left me for another guy! and i ripped up all the letters after reading them, crying etc, and i felt damn good.

[Ingenue]

Chinook, the next morning after I ripped them all to shreds, I did indeed feel much better. I'm not entirely certain why there was such a drastic change in my temperament. It almost felt like I was ready or had released whatever it was that was holding me back. I will always have those memories of him, those pictures are ingrained in my mind. They are a part of me and they make up a part of who I am. Ripping them didn't mean that I was losing them. I suppose it just meant that I was releasing them.

 

Peter_pan - strange how the things we do like ripping pictures or letters makes us feel better.

[EmperorR]

i ripped up all my photos cards etc. and im happy I did today i felt like looking at pictures of us but can't find any

[TeaAbraham]

I would really like to rip up all my photos, but I don't want to lose those memories. They were so wonderful. I know that after they are ripped up, deleted from my computer, and gone, they will slowly fade away from my memory. I will not be able to see them in my head. Those times were so special, we were so happy. It hurts to see her smiling face in front of the glittering ocean on that beach in France. She was so in love with me then. We were so happy.

 

Wow, thinking about that really makes me feel like sh*t. I guess they do need to be ripped up and deleted. It's just so sad =-( I guess the whole situation is so sad. I guess the problem is the what if. What if somehow she comes back to me, and we live our lives happily ever after. Then those great memories will be gone. I guess there's no point thinking about that though. It's done, and the only thing those pictures bring is sadness and despair.

 

I posted on craigslist "strictly platonic" to see if anyone else was going through a bad break up and wanted to have a picture burning party. No replies yet =-( It would be so much more fun to have someone else there to destroy those memories with! Damn!

 

p.s. I love the message in your signature peter pan! Makes me laugh and feel better.

 

p.s.s. If anyone lives in Boulder, Colorado and wants to burn some pictures, let's do it!

[JooLee]

Chinook, Ripping them didn't mean that I was losing them. I suppose it just meant that I was releasing them.

 

well said. i did the same but i did because i made up my mind i had to let go and to release myself. and i dont regret it one bit. i actually am proud i did it!

 

hoorah to you!