rsobrien Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I lurked on this forum after my fiancee left me. It really helped. It made me feel like I wasn't alone. All the advice on here realy helped. My father, mother, and grandfather all gave me the same advice as this board "Don't call her!" I didn't listen and ended up making the healing process longer and more painful. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me get through. I don't even know you guys but thanks anyway. I am not healed not by a long shot but I am on my way. My sob story (for cathartic purposes, no need to read, I'm sure it would bore most of you): I dated the same girl for 7 years and I am only 21. I had been dating the same girl as my freshman year of highschool. What kind of idiot tries to marry his high school sweetheart right? (rsobrien) She was a needy girl. Her family didn't have much money and she fought with her Mom all the time. I was the "only one that cared about her." She didn't have many friends. I liked being needed. It fulfilled a need for me.I did everything thing for this girl. I bought her gifts, bought her lunch when she didn't have lunch money. I taught her to ride a bike, taught her to drive (in my car when she didn't even have a learner's permit), was there for her when she needed me. Always. Whatever she needed I would just give to her. We went to colleges close to each other. She lived with her aunt and she had problems with her too (I have met them and her whole family is nuts, srsly, its not just her). She didn't have lots of friends in college either. So I was there for her still. She eventually decided to work and go to school at the same time and found her own place. I helped her find the place, hauled her stuff around, gave her a place to stay before she moved, and helped get her furniture. Again, I did everything for this girl. When she needed groceries, I would get them for her, when she needed money I gave it to her. I never asked for anything in return except her love (and the occasional BJ). I just assumed that she would do anything for me like I would do for her. Boy was I wrong!!! Anyway I think we are really happy and want to spend the rest of my lie with this girl. So I ask her to marry me and she says "Yes!" And she wants to get married sooner then later! I am thinking "Well thats just because she loves me so much!" So I am wracking my brain for months how we are going to live once we are married. I am taking civil sevice tests, looking into masters programs, all kinds of stuff. We booked the church, the caterer, she bought a dress, all ready to go. Then she decides "Nope! Changed my mind!" Her new job has given her new friends, she lives by herself and her family doesn't bother her anymore. She has a full time job and she has money. No more need for rsobrien! She decides maybe she doesn't really love me. She wants to go explore "life" now and enjoy being 21!!! She even took the train to go see a guy she had a secret crush on while we were in highschool! Woohoo for Ms. 21!!! I am of course devastated. This person was my whole world and now I have nothing. Most of my friends moved away for college and I commute to school. I really put all my eggs in one basket and I dropped that basket so hard those eggs can't even be used in an omelette. I made the mistake of building my life around someone I thought needed and loved me. She did need me, but when she didn't anymore, she was done with me. I have cried more in the past 4 weeks then I have since my dog chewed up my Ultraman. I almost got into accidents driving past places we had gone to. I just start breaking down. Its really sad. Now I have my bad days and I have my good days. Some days I am fine. Other days I feel like I need and miss her. It is really like a drug. I start fiending for her. I pace around wanting to call her. I am having withdrwal symptoms. Anyways thats my story. Thanks again strangers, you have no idea how much you helped someone.
quankanne Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 that's the beauty of this place – people are really good-hearted and want to help. Frankly, the 'Shack has kept me holding it together when I thought I was all gave out from stress and hurt. "This person was my whole world and now I have nothing" ... that's not true. You've got YOU. cheesy, maybe, but very, very true. This is your opportunity to get to know yourself better – being alone is not a crime, but a place to begin. and as painful as the end of this relationship has been, it's also a very positive sign of hope in that you have seen just how very capable you are of giving and receiving love. Some people don't ever get that, you know? my personal belief is that every failed love relationship you experience brings you that much closer to the love you're ultimately meant to have. so, keep looking on the bright side of life, kiddo ~ you'll get to where you're meant to be XXOOO quank
lofi_tokyo Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Quank is right. Each failed relationship gets us one step closer to the person we are meant to be with. Right now it may be hard to completely accept you are not meant to be with your ex, but as time passes, your heart will heal, and you will move on and find someone to love you in the long term. Think of it this way: you have no doubt learned a lot from you ex, and as you grieve, you will learn even more about how you handle yourself in relationships, what you liked, what you loved, and what you did not like. These are the tools you will be able to use to find yourself a keeper. The best part for both you and I is we are young! I'm 19. You're 21. In the states I believe the median age for first marriages is like... 26? You have plenty of time to heal, grow, and meet someone new. In fact, a lot of guys I know have not got married until they were about 28+ (but I'm from Canada, and I think we overall marry for the first time a bit later here). In some ways, time flies. Lord knows this semester in school has slipped right out of my hands. I understand that feeling that you need to find the one you love NOW so that you don't grow old lonely. The thing is, you will find someone. Probably in the next five years. So woo!
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