LucidLouise Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I have been a lurker for the past six months since I broke up with my boyfriend. Like many others, I had to deal with all the crappy emotions that follow a break up. I guess I should tell my story so people can understand how I came here in the first place. I started going out with my boyfriend over a year ago. I'm in my mid-twenties and this was the first serious relationship I ever had with a guy. I obviously didn't have the experience to see the red flags. He did come with allot of baggage (don't they all). He is 7 months younger then me but has already been married and divorced and suffered emotional issues from being at war. But I fell hard. I knew his ex cheated on him and moved away pregnant with another man's child. This happened two years before he met me. When I met him, he was so full of life and couldn't wait to date me. He was charming, sweet and ambitious. He was going to school to become a film director, helped with his step dad's business and was going to buy a house. He seemed completly over his ex...except he still had a tattoo of her name on him, I should of known better but he was soo convincing. For the first six months things were great, I met his family, his friends and spent every day with him but after that things began to sour. He became cold, distant and seemed to be constantly annoyed with me. His behavior worsened and before I knew it we were taking "breaks" getting back together and eventually would break up and get back together again. It became an emotional rollercoaster. The last time we broke up was the worse: we hooked up and then I didn't see him for a month. Throughout the post break up period, I tried to cut contact, but he always seemed to be right around the corner, calling me, texting me things like "I miss you" "I want to date you." I even invited him over to my house (dumb I Know), trying to be friends, and he would make the moves to sleep with me. The mind games became too much, I sent him an email saying that things just had to stop, he needed to be honest with me. Well, just a few days ago I found out my ex has rekindled a relationship with his ex-wife. I don't know how long they were in contact but I knew something was up when he deleted me from myspace three weeks ago. This came as devastating news, considering the hell he put me through this last year, the mind games, always wandering if his feelings were real. I was soo pissed I sent him a nasty text saying he used me, he never truly was over his wife. His response - "**** off." How could he do this? His ex wife CHEATED on him when he was at war and had three kids with the other guy. But yet the minute shes back in town he acts like I never existed. He lied the whole time, saying there was no connection between them. Does he honestly think that things will work out between them? Well....I guess I was dilluded or extremely naive. Any advice on how to move on would be greatly appreciated.
BikerBeagle Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 What's the old saying? ..."He's HER problem now". Sometimes it takes that much to say to yourself, "enough, I've had enough".
norajane Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Some men are addicted to drama, and the women who bring it. There's nothing you could have done, except stay broken up with him the first time you broke up. He's got his head so far up her ass that he will never come out and will never be able to get over her enough to give love to another woman. I've seen men like this - she could kill his dog with her bare hands and he'd still be on her porch begging to come inside.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Some men are addicted to drama My ex was like that. Its like we couldn't go a month solidly without him acting weird. He'd make up dramas in his head! I remember one time he was like "well I just can't handle how unhappy you are ALL time time" and went off on a tangent and all I could think is "holy crap... I'm the happiest I've been in years... what is going on with this guy... hes ignoring the truth!". I think sometimes he ignored reality and just made up insane things in his head. Not that he's insane, hes pretty normal, just he likes drama. I think a small part of why he left me for another woman (among much larger issues) was that he just wanted one last big dramatic episode in his life. Seriously. ;p
alwayssme Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 life has messed up times like this...we just gotta get through them and always know you're not alone in all this.. there are so many people out there going through heartbreak...and there are people going through worse things too...
lofi_tokyo Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Sorry, I commented on your thread earlier without actually giving any advice/support. I think the first advice, for moving on, is to just try and forget about the guy. From the sounds of it, he is one confused man, and regardless of if things work out with his ex or not, you can do better. Sometimes when people get lonely - ie. a relationship does not turn out - people go back to even older ex's for support. Maybe that's what happened with your ex. Your relationship with him was tapering off, he was lonely, so he kept in touch with you, was still lonely, so he called up his ex and she took him back for whatever reason. Good news is you're out of a relationship with a flakey guy. Time to move on to better things. You may hurt now, hell, we all do, sometimes for a very long time, but eventually, we all move on. Well, most of us anyways. It sounds to me like you'll move on fairly quickly, because you already see how ridiculous his behavior is.
Author LucidLouise Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 Thank you! Your probably right, he's a very lonely guy and on some level knew that it would never work out because I couldn't take the odd behavior anymore. That and he's really moody, he acts on impulse (which explains the drama). This all may of drove him back to his ex. It's sad really. His ex is just as screwed up as him, they're going to destroy each other. At this point I can only move forward, it's no longer my drama.
Recommended Posts