hereandnow Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I miss her a lot at this moment. Was doing all right this morning, had a therapy appointment, it went well, then when I was at lunch, boom. The bottom fell out. Just feeling hollow inside. Everywhere I go here reminds me of her. We did pretty much everything I like to do, went everywhere I like to go, with her. It's really depressing. I mean, I live in a big city, but we traversed all over this place together. I mean, when I started feeling down, I was eating at a restaurant we had eaten at together. I just told her on Monday I would prefer not to hear from her unless she wants to get back together, and she said she loves me more like a friend now, etc. (This was via e-mail.) But now this empty feeling. AAAARRRRRGHH! I'm going to run out and go to the bookstore, do some reading. All support is appreciated.
Surfer Dude Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Man, I feel for you... I felt exactly the same way in the first months of breakup. Everywhere I'd go, it reminded me of good times spent with her. That feeling is a bitch... it's depressing you even when you go places you could always normally visit. Every time you take a walk down the street, memories surface don't they? I know exactly how you feel. You'll feel better in time. They say time heals all wounds and nothing could be more true. But that will happen only if you cut her out of your life. Starting a serious NC is tough, but it's a life saver, believe me. It hurts, it aches, but it clears your mind and in time you get more and more perspective on things. Don't talk to her, don't reply to her messages. I did the same and it's extremely painful (it's the same feeling as breaking up really, maybe a bit worse for me, because I said goodbye forever), but every moment one small bit of pain disappears and my mind clears. Hope this helps you bro.
wowIlose Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 What your feeling is pretty normal. Just remember, the feelings will lessen with time. Tell yourself that. Remind yourself you have the ability to be happy alone. Positive reinforcement goes a long way. Find your passion and reignite it. If you used to like to paint and felt passionate about then paint, or if you used to write and felt passionate about it then start writing again... etc... find your passion again. I am not saying you'll feel normal over night but find something your passionate about and let it occupy your mind. You'll still get bursts of weakness but you'll get over them. Have some fun, go out with friends and expand your social circle. Also, exercise is your best friend during a break up because it releases "happy" type emotions and relieves stress. Join a gym or take up jogging. Good luck!
Author hereandnow Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 Yeah, I've continued jogging since the relationship ended and it does help. Feeling a little better now. It's strange how sometimes feelings just blindside you. Wish I could still use the stuff I used to to get rid of them. That would only re-open Pandora's Box though. No need to go there. I've been hanging out at Barnes and Noble bookstore for an hour or two everyday, just reading. Helps to be out somewhere calm and escape for a little while. And I've been going out with friends almost every night, which helps too. Sometimes stuff just creeps back though. Oh well. When I'm feeling best about things I realize that I'm at a point now where everything is completely new to me. The post-breakup stuff, what's going to happen next, it's full of possibility. Boldly going where no me has gone before!
Ingenue Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I'm sorry you're feeling so lousy hereandnow. Recovering from a break-up is a difficult jumble of emotions. Some days we feel normal, free and light while others, we're bogged down by the memories of the past that will never be. Nobody can guarantee that you'll be completely 'normal' by tomorrow, but time does help and time does heal. And some days we may stumble, but in one month you'll feel better than you do now. And in 10 months, you'll feel better than you did today. It's a process and you will get there. Hang in there
lofi_tokyo Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 You'll feel better someday! It sucks because you have to deal with all the ****ty pain so that you can finally get to the good stuff, but when you do, you'll know it, and you'll be stronger.
Author hereandnow Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 One of the worst things for me right now is that the breakup and attendant emotions are the first thing on my mind when I wake up. Uggh. Horrible way to start the day. I've taken to logging in here right when I wake up and it helps a lot. I actually just got up now. Now I get to drive 45 minutes to get to school. I hope everyone here has a great day!
TeaAbraham Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I agree with you hereandnow. Waking up is the worst, especially in the middle of the night. You're just not in control of your mind, and that pain can resurface so easily. It's okay though, it's normal. You've gotta take that jog and take that shower, and that pain will subside. LS is definitely a life saver too.
crazysnail Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I used to dread waking up in the morning - it was just horrible; the first few weeks I was hyperventilating before I even woke up just as my mind was starting to regain consciousness, then the memory of the break up and realisation that he's gone would hit me. I would also wake up every night too at 4am just out of the blue with all those horrible memories and thoughts running through my head. Now 2.5 months after the break up it's a bit better - atleast I don't hyperventilate anymore when i wake up and I don't wake up in the middle of the night so it can get better. But now and then (like this morning) I would wake up horribly again just like before. I guess it's just going to take more time...
Saesan Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Yep those first few moments of regaining consciousness and remembering everything in one big crushing blow is probably the hardest part of my day too. I don't seem to do the waking up in the middle of the night thing any more, which is good. Some mornings are better than others, but 2 months on and I still get it. Its gotten a little easier now I've finally moved out of the house we both lived in however.
EmperorR Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I still wake up every night the same time and it sucks
crazysnail Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Funny how it's always the same time in the middle of the night every single time (for those first few weeks) without fail - wonder why...
9Lives Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Yeah it is the same for me. The morning is hard and sometimes at night. I dont know why. I was a mess this morning. I cried my little eyes out and then I went to work. I do believe it takes time. I changed my phone number. That is really helping me I believe. I dont even have to worry about him calling cause he cant. That gives me so sort of peace. It is wierd. But I still love and miss him.
Sysyphus28 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Yeah it is the same for me. The morning is hard and sometimes at night. I dont know why. I was a mess this morning. I cried my little eyes out and then I went to work. I do believe it takes time. I changed my phone number. That is really helping me I believe. I dont even have to worry about him calling cause he cant. That gives me so sort of peace. It is wierd. But I still love and miss him. change your number huh. Maybe I'll give that a try.
Surfer Dude Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Funny how it's always the same time in the middle of the night every single time (for those first few weeks) without fail - wonder why... That used to happen to me in the first week of breakup. I would just wake up shocked and not believing this is real. When we go back to sleep, our state of mind often reverts to what we felt during the last year or two, the sum of our feelings and thoughts of a certain period of our life. The subconsciousness doesn't get that the breakup happened. That's why it's equally shocking to wake up every single time. But time helps and heals, after a few months you wake up in the morning to a normal feeling and you are actually aware that your ex is no longer part of your life. I had a weird dream last night... it was that I saw my ex in a really crowded train. I noticed her, she didn't notice me. I wanted to talk to her and started heading her way, but it was way too crowded. So I decided to get off at the same station as her. I got off. But she wasn't there. She kept riding the train and got off at another station. I think this dream has a symbolic meaning that our lives are heading in different directions now. Weird... but gave me perspective sorta.
Author hereandnow Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Funny how this thread keeps getting bumped. I guess most everyone on here can relate to the title. Surfer Dude, that was a very symbolic dream. Not much need to search out a Jungian psychoanalyst to interpret that one, eh? Today started out kind of low again, for some reason I'm feeling a little better now. This stuff ain't easy to go through. Trying to keep busy. This weekend I went out every night, saw Metallica for the 4th time on Sunday. Even when I'm out though, I have a hard time keeping my mind off of her. Talking to other girls helps, would be nice to go on a date, we'll see what happens. And oh boy, it's Thanksgiving! I used to like the holiday season, now not so much. I was in the Barnes and Noble Friday evening and they had a choir in there performing Christmas tunes. Never realized how depressing that could be, but I get it now! Hang in there ya'll!
EmperorR Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I know hoe depressing it can be around holidays. Up here in Canada last month was thanksgiving for us, I spent it alone eating a tv dinner. Sadly my Christmas and new years will probably be the same.
Surfer Dude Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Surfer Dude, that was a very symbolic dream. Not much need to search out a Jungian psychoanalyst to interpret that one, eh? Yeah and I'm really happy about that dream. It means my subconsciousness has started moving on, as well as the conscious part of my mind. It means that I've finally started letting go on every level. And oh boy, it's Thanksgiving! I used to like the holiday season, now not so much. I was in the Barnes and Noble Friday evening and they had a choir in there performing Christmas tunes. Never realized how depressing that could be, but I get it now! I know exactly what you mean. Holiday season always acts kinda like an emotional amplifier. If you're single it feels depressing, if you're in a happy relationship you're having the time of your life. If you've been dumped by your insignificant other, and you know for a fact that she's spending holiday season with a new guy, then it feels like you've hit the rock bottom. But we're all going through that right now. And besides, there's still one month left till Christmas and plenty of opportunities to go on dates
crazysnail Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I know hoe depressing it can be around holidays. Up here in Canada last month was thanksgiving for us, I spent it alone eating a tv dinner. Sadly my Christmas and new years will probably be the same. My birthday, his birthday, christmas, new year's, valentines day (oh god...) easter - it just keeps going till we can finally deal with it
9Lives Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 change your number huh. Maybe I'll give that a try. yeah, it is kind of powerful....especially around the holidays. You dont have to worry about not hearing from the ex cause they are not going to get thru anyway. The waiting to hear from him would kill me. I dont want to be looking at my phone hoping he is going to call or text me something really weak. I feel free. Sometimes waking up in the morning makes you realize you have been rejected by someone you love and your emotions feel it. Today, I am out of town, my phone number is different, and I am reading my books for support and reading my cue cards to help me stay focused. I'm doing good.
blackrider27 Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 i'm new but i've been reading every no contact thread since i was dumped a month ago. and i know what you all mean when you wake up. Especially when you dream of them and being happy, and THEN wake up. But i use things that keep me alive haha The thoughts that help me keep on are.. 1.)They're are such worse things in this world then a broken heart, like seeing your family get killed for no reason like in the middle east, or terrible things like that. 2.) Surprisingly, though i've never been so crushed, i haven't spiraled into depression and emerged out a different person (smokes, does drugs, and completely altered his appearence). A month ago, i will admit i would cry and cry (i'm a guy, in today's society, if you cry, your gay ect, but not everyones been in love) I'd wake up in the middle of the night and just sigh, and walk around my house with a rock in my throat. Most of all i'd check her myspace all the time, which is torture. But one day i'll be like, You know, i don't want to check her myspace today, or I don't want to cry today i wanna hang out with your friends. And i'm better then i was When i got dumped, i thought my life would be torture and heart break, i thought i'd never get over this girl. And yeah i still love her, and think about her. But my life would only be terrible if i let it ruin my life, like it did my friend's. Believe me, i just want to sit around and try to beat my tears back with ice cream while watching a sad movie., but i know i won't accomplish anything. So i go hang out with my friends and watch a good ol no girls aloud War Movie It's never too late to turn things around. Hope i helped, (hell i need some help to!)
Recommended Posts