Shygirl15 Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 So, there's this guy I had a crush on at my work exactly one year ago. He knew I was very interested, and so was he, but he had a GF and I was still married (or separated) but marriage was going downhill. We went out together a couple of times, kissed, but things never progressed any further, mostly because he didn't want to. He just suddenly started acting weird and nonchalant, and basically ignored me. Anyway, eventually after receiving some sweet advices from the lovely community of LS, I finally got my senses back and decided to leave him alone. I also left the unit I was working for, so I no longer saw him on daily basis. Exactly 6 months later, I bumped into him during lunch at one restaurant close to our office. I was on a date with the guy I'm currently seeing. We said quick hi's and I introduced him to the person I was with. Shortly after that, he started bombarding me with endless emails, text messages, and requests to hang out for drinks. So I tell him that I'm now seriously dating, he gets really upset (he's 25! lol), promise to never bother me again, then 2 days later asks to hang out for drinks again. I tell him off again, he promises not to bother me again, but a week later, he asks to hang out for drinks again..lol He's currently texting me practically begging to hang out with me even for just 20 mins...lol. He's so cute and irresistible, and I have to admit that at some point I agreed to go out on a date with him 3 times, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I just can't get over the fact that he practically pushed me aside the 1st time we dated. Plus want to be loyal to the guy I'm currently seeing. I was just wondering what could be going on in the minds of such people? What could he possibly want from me at this point?
kdark Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 He realized he messed up by letting you go and not waiting for you... The saying that you never miss it until it's gone applies, but he just realized it when he found you with somebody else, and you were finally done with him. I have a friend/"client" who is in the exact same situation. The guy doesn't want to make a decision on how to feel about you, so they avoid the question, change the subject whenever you ask them where things are going between you... It makes guys like this jealous to no end when you bring another guy into the situation...
BikerBeagle Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Men want what they can't have =) But, more importantly, stop agreeing to go on dates with him. Sounds like you are throwing mixed signals. Tell him yes, or tell him no ...there's not much room for middle-ground there.
Author Shygirl15 Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 I only agreed 3 times (I agree, big mistake!), but cancelled few minutes before the date. The rest of the times I just declined, which is why he throws all these tantrums, then promise to never bother me again, which always seem last less than a week. I thought that's really silly though, going back to the same woman you played around the first time. I would have had more respect for him if he kept his cool, even if his feelings for me 'came back'.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 He wants what he can't have. Seems to be a rampant problem in the human species. One thing that irritates the crap out of me... My mom mentioned to me once that in our society, when a man says "no," that's exactly what it means. When a woman says "no," it's not really "no." Ever since hearing that, I'm really sensitive to when a guy won't take "no" for an answer. If I were in this situation, I'd be taking stronger measures to let him know to bug off (no matter how "cute" or "irresistible"). What a jerk. He sounds like a major player and manipulator.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I say blow him off and focus your attention on the current guy -- the guy who has never blown YOU off.
Yamaha Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I think it's just an ego thing. If you dated him and stopped with the other guy you would be sorry as I don't think his intentions are serious. Don't mess up what ain't broken no matter how cute.
Author Shygirl15 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 Thanks guys. Of course he's an idiot and I'll be stupid to mess up what I currently have. He seems to bother me on a daily basis these days. I'll deal with him anyhow.
OpenBook Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Men want what they can't have =) Ditto, to the max!! Men are quite consistent in this regard. They ALWAYS want what they can't have. I thought that's really silly though, going back to the same woman you played around the first time. Another thing about men I have never been able to figure out. We're the same girl, with the same memories!! Does he really think you've erased all your memory banks or something?!?
Angel1111 Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 The thing is, you can't win here. You're in a committed relationship and he knows it. So if you go out with him, then you look like a cheater in his eyes and he'll never fully trust you. If he asks again, tell him that you can't go behind someone's back and that's the end of the discussion. Don't answer his emails or texts after that. Just ignore him completely. I'm sure his feelings are real but do not go back on what you said about how you're already dating someone seriously. You cannot undo that, nor should you. It makes you look weak and immoral, and guys are always looking to see if they can put a chink in your armour. And once you let them, they lose respect for you. This guy dropped you - let him live with it.
Geishawhelk Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 No, I would definitely agree to date him! Agree the time, the place and the date. then turn up. - With your BF. see where it goes from there. Or tell him you have a new mobile number - and give him your BF's...... Alternatively, be very firm, and tell him in completely unambiguous terms that you are not interested, you are unlikely to ever be interested and you'd appreciate it, really, if he would stop now, pestering you. or (if you're still working in the same company, albeit in different units) you'll speak to HR and get them in on the act. It's harassment.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 They say that a person in a relationship is the happiest. I guess he only realized the charm and beauty you have when you met him the first time with your date. The guy sounds like like he has a alpha mentality. He may not have wanted you in the beginning, but now he's vying for your attention because you're with another guy. It's the whole I want you because you're wanted that sort of thing.
stillafool Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 So, there's this guy I had a crush on at my work exactly one year ago. He knew I was very interested, and so was he, but he had a GF and I was still married (or separated) but marriage was going downhill. We went out together a couple of times, kissed, but things never progressed any further, mostly because he didn't want to. He just suddenly started acting weird and nonchalant, and basically ignored me. Anyway, eventually after receiving some sweet advices from the lovely community of LS, I finally got my senses back and decided to leave him alone. I also left the unit I was working for, so I no longer saw him on daily basis. Exactly 6 months later, I bumped into him during lunch at one restaurant close to our office. I was on a date with the guy I'm currently seeing. We said quick hi's and I introduced him to the person I was with. Shortly after that, he started bombarding me with endless emails, text messages, and requests to hang out for drinks. So I tell him that I'm now seriously dating, he gets really upset (he's 25! lol), promise to never bother me again, then 2 days later asks to hang out for drinks again. I tell him off again, he promises not to bother me again, but a week later, he asks to hang out for drinks again..lol He's currently texting me practically begging to hang out with me even for just 20 mins...lol. He's so cute and irresistible, and I have to admit that at some point I agreed to go out on a date with him 3 times, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I just can't get over the fact that he practically pushed me aside the 1st time we dated. Plus want to be loyal to the guy I'm currently seeing. I was just wondering what could be going on in the minds of such people? What could he possibly want from me at this point? Girl, I think you were probably looking so good at lunch he probably couldn't help himself. Were you all dressed up? Also, seeing you with someone else let him know how quickly you were able to move on. Don't go out with him as he may start playing games again and you will lose your new bf. First, which one are you more attracted to?
Author Shygirl15 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 I try to avoid him as much as possible. Few times I bump into him, the old feelings start to crawl in. But of course, there's no way I'll ever go out with him again. As far as physical attraction is concerned, this jerk is far better off than my BF. However, my BF a responsible guy and also very committed to the relationship so I'll not mess around with that.
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