DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 A special thanks to the people who have helped me and given good advice. I just can't read the excuses as to why certain people or how certain people can justify being a third party in a closed marriage. Not judging here - just can't take it any more....specials hugs and wishes to 2Sure, Owl, and OWoman. C-ya
sb129 Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 So you post on here to tell us you aren't going to post on here anymore. Interesting.
Owl Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 DWD, I can understand how you feel. Posting here is up to you, one way or another. Regardless of which you choose, I wish you well. I'm glad that you've felt that my advice was useful in some fashion.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 So you post on here to tell us you aren't going to post on here anymore. Interesting. For those who I have developed cyber relationships with through LS, I was letting them know I will no longer be coming on here...but thank you sb questioning my motives...makes me wonder...
Lizzie60 Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 For those who I have developed cyber relationships with through LS, I was letting them know I will no longer be coming on here...but thank you sb questioning my motives...makes me wonder... Then.. if you let the important people know.. why the need to post about it... Do you think people care? People come and go.. everyone is free to do what they want... Beubye!
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 Then.. if you let the important people know.. why the need to post about it... Do you think people care? People come and go.. everyone is free to do what they want... Beubye! Thanks Lizzie...apparently there are those who do care and those who wish to be snide and rude... As you say people come and go...and obviously people do choose to do what they want, making sites like this necessary... 1
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I'm sorry you are leaving DWD. It is very difficult to deal with "the other side" especially when the wounds are so fresh. Wish you well. I also wanted to mention, before you are out of here for good, about how helpful your posts were to others (OK me). The way you handled yourself with class and dignity is to be commended and very much an inspiration to me. The level of emotions for anyone betrayed, not only to mention someone in such a difficult situation as yours, are usually out of the roof. YOU though have been level headed and strong. I also am touched and impressed by the way you have stood by your H though all of this. I think, whatever help you may have received, you have given back just as much. Good Luck, IWWH
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 Thank you...and once again, someone else I should have added to my list of thank yous. I couldn't remember everyone's names and just didn't want to reread all of my posts to have single everyone out in private messages - perhaps I should have. Sorry for the 'classness' way of posting a good bye rather than sending those messages. I'm no where near out of the woods yet with my situation, but I have found a site with a forum that helps wives who are planning on staying with their spouses after an affair brought a child into their lives. It has really opened my eyes...the drama - my Lord - the drama! I'm not looking forward to it at all!!!!! Once again, thank you for the kind words...I'll be checking in from time to time to check private messages, so if any one is wanting some of my advice - I'll be free to help out in any way that I can. Hugs to you!!!!!
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 A special thanks to the people who have helped me and given good advice. I just can't read the excuses as to why certain people or how certain people can justify being a third party in a closed marriage. Not judging here - just can't take it any more....specials hugs and wishes to 2Sure, Owl, and OWoman. C-ya Drama, you should ignore such people. They aren't even worthy of a second thought. This is why I avoid the Other Person thread now. Most of the people one them and those who watch the site protect the ones who could not give a damn about others. It is sad, but you know, this world is full with a lot of darkness and we can't hide from it. So, while I won't say you should stay, but I would suggest you just stay way from the threads that hurt you most or where the wrong doers are seeking protection for their evils. Ignore them, and don't give them a worry, they are not worth it. But, you do have a few people here who would miss you and who love reading your posts. And think of inventive ways to deal with these issues. That is why I opened a thread in the Infidelity thread speaking to those who overcame the wrongs done to them by a cheater and an other person and I also learned to approach the subject in other areas. Take the ball in your court, you don't need to let them get to you. Keep your head up and don't let the darkness kill your light.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I just can't read the excuses as to why certain people or how certain people can justify being a third party in a closed marriage. Do you mean people that justify their role in the A as the OW or OM? I didn't think there was much of that on this forum. If anything, the feedback I've seen is that the BS POV dominates... Mr. Lucky
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 Brimstone - you're a sweetie. And you are right - I don't see myself looking at the OW/OM side of this coin any longer. I first went there to try to understand their side - I understand it now...it's sad how all the stories are more or less the same. I can't tell you all the times a married man has approached me and started complaining about his marriage - my reply has always and will always be the same..."Telling me about your problems with your wife isn't going to fix them....if you really want to fix them, talk to her." Doing so has kept me and will keep me from developing an inappropriate relationship with a married man...or as a married woman will keep me from doing the same thing too. I'm just disguested right now.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 Do you mean people that justify their role in the A as the OW or OM? I didn't think there was much of that on this forum. If anything, the feedback I've seen is that the BS POV dominates... Mr. Lucky I made the mistake of introducing myself in the OW forum. In the infedelity forum I see more and more of the BS's side of the coin - my side of the coin. As I said, I wanted to understand...then when I found out that there is a cycle and many of the affairs are the same in the way they start and eventually end with mind games and denial and delusion - it sickened me.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 I have always considered myself to be nonjudgemental and open minded, but here lately I am sickened by excuses given by OP, well, the OW in my situation first and foremost as to why she felt justified in being in an affair with my husband...how much she loved him, ect ... and the fact that the first part of her sentence was "I'm sorry for my part in your pain BUT....." and a long line of Bull Squat that followed it. She's a nut case - true blue nut case....at first I really thought that we could set up some kind of arrangement, legally of course, but now I just don't want anything to do with her or her/my hubby's love child. I've been told I will go through phases with this entire situation and I must admit it has been one heck of a rollar coaster ride - but my Husband is bending over backwards to make our marriage work and attempt to regain my trust - which is not an easy thing to do. It's hard to admit you have really screwed up...but more and more I see him coming out of the so called, 'affair fog' and becoming more and more like the man I married and have known for 13 years.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 Ok, so my not posting has turned into more of a posting event...lol! I think I just may stick it out with you guys over here in the infedelity room. I can't and won't peak into the OW forum again .... at least not for a while. I'm being really mean spirited and that just isn't me.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I think that it is normal for people just starting to deal with infidelity to become "mean spirited" with the justifications on that board. It's best to stay away. I can't even imagine my first 6mo or years worth of posts over there. I'm sure they were NOT NICE and I don't care to look back!!!!
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Yeah, I learned that people who want to justify things here, don't like being told their wrong. Shown how they are wrong. And that seeking petty for the consequences of their actions isn't going to fly for most people. That is how I got into a lot of trouble. I even pointed out on one person's thread how they carried on an long term affair and not once in their thread did this person accept responsibility for their actions, but wanted to condemn someone for putting a stop to in not so nice a way. And that is the only reason why they ended it. It really peeved me when they had the nerve to talk about God and forgiveness in one part, yet in another said it was the best two years they had, that they had fun and it was great. Great cheating with someone's spouse. I blew my gasket, cut through the bs and got my count blocked. And I loved that account too. But, you know what, that's when I really saw how many people backed and felt sympathy for those who did wrong and want to place the blame on everyone else but themselves. It was infuriating and I realized, as you, you can't find understanding why people would want to willingly do such venomous things to another and pride themselves on it. So, like you, I try to stay here and give advice or compliments where I can. Let someone else back the wrong doings of others. And once in a while it is good to back off for a little bit and let your steam out. And then realize, you know what... You really don't know these people. You only know as much as what they want you to know. And maybe they really do get it and/or are not the people who they betray they are. That helps me a lot sometimes when I see myself getting angry with letters on a screen. P.S.: I am going to beat you up for making me miss my timed download.
sb129 Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 For those who I have developed cyber relationships with through LS, I was letting them know I will no longer be coming on here...but thank you sb questioning my motives...makes me wonder... Ok, so my not posting has turned into more of a posting event...lol! I think I just may stick it out with you guys over here in the infedelity room. I can't and won't peak into the OW forum again .... at least not for a while. I'm being really mean spirited and that just isn't me. You know, you don't need to leave! I am still here loooong after my original problem has been resolved. I tend to stay away from the OW section too.... Sorry if my first post was a little harsh, I can understand a little more of where you are coming from now.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 You know, you don't need to leave! I am still here loooong after my original problem has been resolved. I tend to stay away from the OW section too.... Sorry if my first post was a little harsh, I can understand a little more of where you are coming from now. Thanks for understanding...if I can keep myself from going 'over there' then I will be able to come in and chit chat and give information and advice and all that good stuff. Thanks for understanding everyone!
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 Don't let the "snide and rude" set make you leave. If you want to leave, I understand, but there are many of us who enjoy a person with your integrity and intelligence and positive but realistic view of life. Thanks Donna - I'm here. I am AVOIDING the OW/OM thread though. I just can't stand the excuses! or the justifications given! I was shocked to discover that most affairs start the exact same way with very little variance in them. I was even more shocked at the stuff the OP are told by the WS....once again, same stuff....
2sure Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 DWD - I for one, am personally sorry to see you leave. I understand that "sharing" with strangers who do not have the same set of values as you can be frustrating and possibly harmful to a degree.... BUT. It has been 1.5 years since D Day for me. I can honestly say that my own recovery has been expedited since I started with LS. Before that, I wasnt really recovering at all. Sometimes I think LS makes me think too much. But that isnt really true, the dialogue makes me face things, brings to light other perspectives...allows me to see into the minds of others ,and so much more. I especially liked reading your posts and thoughts because you are one of the few who are here to Recover the Marriage as well as yourself. So am I. It can be difficult seeking support from those who chose another direction. Just Posting , even if my posts go unread...has helped me so much. Should you choose to stay, or come back...no one here will ever say I told you so.
Konfuzion Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I hear you I have trouble looking at the affair section of this site also, but I would like to thank you for the recommendation of reading The Five Languages of Apology, how to promote healing in all of your relationships.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 You're welcome Kon. It's a great book and has helped in many ways with the recovery of my marriage...
Dexter Morgan Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 A special thanks to the people who have helped me and given good advice. I just can't read the excuses as to why certain people or how certain people can justify being a third party in a closed marriage. Seems to be the norm here really. And I can't believe one person that condones the very thing you are against had the audacity to even reply. Wait, on second thought, I can believe it. I could ask you to stay and ignore the homewreckers, cheater apologists, and the cheaters themselves, but if you have made up your mind, good luck to you.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Thanks Donna - I'm here. I am AVOIDING the OW/OM thread though. Avoiding that forum doesn't keep them from spilling their justifications into this one.
OWoman Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 DWD, I reckon you should come and go as you see fit - read and post where you want, when you want. The only person you have any obligation to in that regard is yourself. There will always be those that are supportive, and there will always be those who are destructive. When one most needs support, the destructiveness can hurt but if you use the iggy button judiciously you should be able to avoid much of that. But since you're sticking around - at least for a little, in this thread - let me send you a cyberhug to help you through what seems to be a rough day. Well, perhaps just a normal day in a rough patch. Hang in there!
Recommended Posts