Why was ex so concerned with being able to talk to me and now won't contact me?

[Chelle9203]

As i posted earlier, my boyfriend left me to try and make it work with his ex gf and baby. She said she had nowhere to live but most of it had to do with her wanting him back. He would love to be a family, but they definitely broke up for good reasons.

 

As this was happening he tried to keep me informed as possible. Before he made his decision he kept asking me if i would still be with him and talk to him if he let them move in. This obviously would not work so i said no, we would be done if they moved in because he could just as easily given her money and helped her find somewhere else. When he made his decision to let them however, he decided he may have feelings for her and that we were done because it wouldn't work. He said he would still talk to me and wants to keep in contact because he never wants to lose me. And all of this confusion and decisions happened in one day.

 

The past couple of days we have talked, all from me initiating it. He isn't ignoring phone calls or anything but has ignorned some texting. One phone call though he was supposed to call me back because the ex wanted to talk to him, and he never did. another one he answered and was fine and seemed happy to talk to me.

 

However, i now am going to stop initiating things. I told him what i need to and everything and are on great terms. I miss him so much though and am having trouble dealing with it. I am really having trouble understanding his confusion and what he wants. Why was he so upset and concerned about me when he was making this decision and now he won't even initiate anything? Was I lied to our whole relationship about his feelings for me?

 

I know only time will tell, but this is killing me, especially knowing that she is there instead of me. He had things with me that he never had with her, except the baby which is obviously most important.

 

i have already been helped enough to understand and accept it on here, but i still miss him like crazy and don't know went wrong.

[BCCA]

I think everyone has been given the same line about how they'll keep in touch, will always miss you, dont want to lose you, etc... Personally, I think its all guilt. I dont think anyone wants to think that someone out there hates them because of the way they treated them, so they try and make it like things are always going to be good betwen you, when in reality, they probably wont be. And they usually only keep in touch long enough to feel like theyre not such a bad person and that you dont hate them.

 

Its funny, I went through the same thing with my ex. She never called me, but would answer if I called. She would say she was going to call back later, but then didnt, or would call a day later than she was supposed to, always had something to do, made up excuses for what she was doing. And you know what? When I was finally done and didnt call her at all, I stopped hearing from her all together. Its been 2 months of absolutely nothing from her. Sounds like she "really loves me and always wants me to be a part of her life" right?

 

It's BS people say during a breakup so they dont feel bad about hurting you. Truth be told, its better to not hear from him at all, but I know how bad that feels. Someone tells you how much they care, but then they dont even bother calling to see if youre ok. Actions speak louder than words, though.

 

Did he lie about everything? Hard to say, I'd like to think not. People are generally selfish, though, and really dont think things out past what it does for them. So, he could have cared about you when it was the best thing for him to do, but now that hes changed his mind about whats good for him, he probably doesnt value you nearly as much as you deserve someone to.

 

I'm sorry, I know it sucks. I'm in the same boat. I've been pretty down myself the last few weeks because of the same things, and the holidays dont help. What can you do though? Try and make the best of it until things get better is all I can think of.

[EmperorR]

I think everyone has been given the same line about how they'll keep in touch, will always miss you, dont want to lose you, etc... Personally, I think its all guilt. I dont think anyone wants to think that someone out there hates them because of the way they treated them, so they try and make it like things are always going to be good betwen you, when in reality, they probably wont be. And they usually only keep in touch long enough to feel like theyre not such a bad person and that you dont hate them.

 

Its funny, I went through the same thing with my ex. She never called me, but would answer if I called. She would say she was going to call back later, but then didnt, or would call a day later than she was supposed to, always had something to do, made up excuses for what she was doing. And you know what? When I was finally done and didnt call her at all, I stopped hearing from her all together. Its been 2 months of absolutely nothing from her. Sounds like she "really loves me and always wants me to be a part of her life" right?

 

It's BS people say during a breakup so they dont feel bad about hurting you. Truth be told, its better to not hear from him at all, but I know how bad that feels. Someone tells you how much they care, but then they dont even bother calling to see if youre ok. Actions speak louder than words, though.

 

Did he lie about everything? Hard to say, I'd like to think not. People are generally selfish, though, and really dont think things out past what it does for them. So, he could have cared about you when it was the best thing for him to do, but now that hes changed his mind about whats good for him, he probably doesnt value you nearly as much as you deserve someone to.

 

I'm sorry, I know it sucks. I'm in the same boat. I've been pretty down myself the last few weeks because of the same things, and the holidays dont help. What can you do though? Try and make the best of it until things get better is all I can think of.

 

Yup I agree, "you'll always be my best friend, and someone special to me", been 61 days not a peep from her:laugh:, not even a call to see if I'm sitll alive.

[norajane]

I think once he moved in, his attention went to her and the baby and he has less time for you...plus, you aren't the focus of his life anymore AND things are over between you.

 

If he's trying to make a go of it with her (and, sorry, but his child and her moving in with him means exactly that, especially since he told you he has feelings for her!), then there's no room for you there.

 

As for this:

 

Why was he so upset and concerned about me when he was making this decision and now he won't even initiate anything?

He was thinking you might be his back-up plan if things didn't work out with her. That's really it. I'm sure he cared for you and was thinking he'd want you back IF things didn't work out with her. He was hedging his bets.

 

You said you wouldn't talk to him if they moved in. Why did you change your mind?

 

And, really, WHAT do you even want to talk to him about?! It's harder on you to stay in contact with him. You'll get over him faster if you don't talk to him.

[Hersheys]

Why are you still in contact with him? More importantly, why are you still initiating contact?

 

Leave the two of them alone. Do not contact him. Do not be available to him anymore.

 

In the meantime, try your best to move on and occupy yourself with things that are more important for you.

[Chelle9203]

no, i am definitely not contacting him, however he has been texting me the past couple of days. Today is the first day he hasn't said anything when i have not been contacting him. He told a mutual friend that he wants her to move out and still really cares about me. They aren't even sleeping in the sasme room and he is just doing this for his daughter. I guess only time will tell, i can't see them together despite how good it would be for the daughter. It is a tough situation that i would normally not ever choose to get into....but it happened. I really don't know if i can sit here and believe that i am a back up plan. His ex really wants to be with him....but him not her the last i knew. He always said how miserable they were together before she was even pregnant.

 

Also, i didn't tell him i wouldn't talk to him. I meant that we couldn't date anymore if she lived there out of respect for both of us. i said i would talk to him and keep in touch. But i guess i am not sure how that is going to go, especially since i refuse to start the conversation anymore.