birddog17 Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Last weekend while I was at deer camp my fiance and a good friend of mine made out and almost had sex. I told her when we first got together that I had been cheated on before and that if it happened I would leave. When it started happening last weekend she couldnt go through with it and told me what happened. I dont hate her and I really still want to be with her. she said she needs a break and is afraid that it could happen again. She has never slept with anyone but me and is afraid of the what ifs later in life. I am giving her her time and space but need some advice.
SRV Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Sorry to hear what you are going through. First things first, that so-called "good friend" of yours is not your friend. You need to get to the bottom of their flirtation and find out when was the first time it happened. Most of the time especially when those dreaded words "I need a break" are uttered, the outlook is not very rosy. It might signal there is someone else that she is interested in and might not be eager to carry on the relationship. On a positive note, you need to look at this from the point of view that she is just a fiance and not your wife yet. It could have been much worse had seen already been that. You need to step back for a while and rationalize what has just happened and what led her to do it. Make a decision if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Remember she is the one that cheated and not you. Some people can get past this and recover their relationship. Wish you well.
BCCA Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I'm really sorry you had to go through this. I've been cheated on before, and it sucks - real bad. First, "a break" is not a good sign. Generally, from my experiences, the break is for an undefined amount of time and the rules only exist in the mind of the person wanting the break. What I mean is, you probably have no idea how long she'll need this break or what she'll be doing during this break, but keep in mind that the most important aspect is that the relationship is severed at the moment. She is single, and while you are as well, chances are youre not going to do anything but wait patiently for her, while you can't predict what she is going to do. Life will always be filled with 'what ifs'. There is no one with a crystal ball to make sure theyre always going to make the right choice. What it sounds to me like is that she is wondering if she is settling for you and this relationship, and whether there is something better out there for her. I'm sorry, I know its probably not what you want to hear. Think about it rationally though, she is walking away from a guy who wants to marry her after SHE cheated...doesnt sound very reasonable, does it? This 'friend' of yours is a total dirtbag. I wouldnt give him the time of day anymore. Chances are, this isnt the first time he tried to bark up this tree, but with you completely out of town, he had a perfect opportunity. The fact that she went along with it, even just kissing, is also pretty terrible. Bro, you dont want to be with this girl, trust me. Youre still in love with who you think she is, but she just showed a lot of her true colors with this series of sh*tty moves. It sounds like youre young, and I know its hard, but you would be doing yourself a favor to cut your losses and move on. You dont want to be waiting around for this 'break' to end, when it could never happen and you dont know what shes up to during this break. You deserve much, MUCH better than this.
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