my body is a cage Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 last weekend, i hooked up with this guy who i have multiple classes with at school, same major and interests, mutual friends (always see him out), and have been flirting with for a while, etc. basically my question is: does the fact that he initiated things like hand holding, and cuddling, and the fact that he knows we see each other around almost every day, possibly mean that he wants this to be more than a one time thing? we exchanged numbers, and he told me i should stop by his room, whatever that means oh and we have THREE (highly interactive small) classes together next semester... not sure how this is gonna play out haha either way im not too invested or anything, im just wondering. btw, i just ran into him for the first time since this weekend and it was a very standard hi how are you greeting, nothing more or less (im at work). awkwardness, perhaps? *sigh* i hate these things.
technicolor Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I think it's too early to tell, honestly. This only happened last week, right? Give it some time and see what happens. Guys don't necessarily equate sex with wanting the commitment of a relationship. Could be that he's just a cuddly kind of guy. I say don't have too many expectations at this point.
Author my body is a cage Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 haha yeah i know sex does not = relationship at all. ive heard from other girls that hes hooked up with that he was really nice/ needy though (which also peaked my interest in him, im ready for a nice guy). while im confident with guys before anything actually happens, i always get insecure after anything happens. i know for a fact that i have pushed away guys that have wanted things before out of my own insecurity (i try to act like i dont expect anything from them and then sometimes act overly cold). i do like this guy, so i don't want to make that mistake again if anything coming of it is a possibility.
betterthandead Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 tell me more about your technique of pushing away guys and why you do it haha yeah i know sex does not = relationship at all. ive heard from other girls that hes hooked up with that he was really nice/ needy though (which also peaked my interest in him, im ready for a nice guy). while im confident with guys before anything actually happens, i always get insecure after anything happens. i know for a fact that i have pushed away guys that have wanted things before out of my own insecurity (i try to act like i dont expect anything from them and then sometimes act overly cold). i do like this guy, so i don't want to make that mistake again if anything coming of it is a possibility.
Geishawhelk Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Simply because you're not ready to take things to a particular 'next' level, doesn't make you automatically 'insecure'. Some guys are pushy and expect sex on the first date. Not all guys, but I think in general, men are more sexually aroused and orientated for the most part, so they seem more in a hurry to make a relationship physical. That doesn't mean as a lady that one has to fall in with their demands/urges/requirements. If you're not ready, or feel you're being pressured, that doesn't make you insecure. It makes you normal. It's the girls who commit to a physical response, because they feel they should, who suffer. What is it YOU want from this? Decide that, decide what your boundaries are, and then - relax. Be natural, be nice, and be ready.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I think you're looking too much into his actions to fully focus on what YOU want from him. If you're not really into pursuing a relationship then it wouldn't be awkward to just say hi and bye once a while. You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed that you're in the same class as him because you really didn't owe him much of anything. It's just that after the dates there wasn't a clear understanding about things and you're consciously bothered about it.
Author my body is a cage Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 thanks for all of your replies! it seems im having a little trouble explaining the situation clearly tho, haha what i want from him is to continue this and see where it goes, basically. i know that i like him enough to hook up with him again and i want to do that. anyway: an update! yesterday went pretty well he showed up at a TA session i am in (even though hes not usually in it) and sat next to me and was my partner. we talked a lot, joked around, he told me to call him if i was going out. later that night i texted him saying i was about to head to the bars, was he going out? he responded at lightning speed saying he was going there soon, i said ok cool ill see you there. i was at one bar for a while and he texted me to ask if i was there. i said yup, you? he said im at this other bar but i will go over there. so like 30 minutes later or something he came to the bar i was at. we talked for a little while, not THAT much, but it was fine, i was with my girlfriends he was with his guy friends. afterwards he got offered a ride back to campus and told me he was going to take it (understandably, it was like 20 degrees out haha) but to come to the frat that he lives at (fyi, he is NOT your typical frat guy by any means) so my roomate and i walked back to campus. while we were walking i texted him so whats at your frat? he said nothing really what are you doing and i said nothing, walking back? and he said walking? that sucks you should come here. however, i didnt see the last text until i got home. i thought it would be weird to walk back to his place at that point so i just texted him saying well im here already so i think im going to stay but i will see you tomorrow, goodnight and he wrote back k have fun (whatever the hell that means haha) that all seems pretty fine right? do you guys think he is interested? should i have gone back to his place? oh and also, when i said see you tomorrow, i meant in class, but then he wasnt in class today! i should have realized that he wouldnt be because the teacher wasnt there and he had gone out. i dotn want to come across as too pushy/ scare him by making him think i expect to hang out with him every night. my roommate says she thinks i should wait and see if he texts me, especially since i said see you tomorrow in my last text. also, he is going away friday and saturday so tonight is my last chance to see him for 2 weeks (thanksgiving break) thoughts?
btc8 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 thanks for all of your replies! it seems im having a little trouble explaining the situation clearly tho, haha what i want from him is to continue this and see where it goes, basically. i know that i like him enough to hook up with him again and i want to do that. anyway: an update! yesterday went pretty well he showed up at a TA session i am in (even though hes not usually in it) and sat next to me and was my partner. we talked a lot, joked around, he told me to call him if i was going out. later that night i texted him saying i was about to head to the bars, was he going out? he responded at lightning speed saying he was going there soon, i said ok cool ill see you there. i was at one bar for a while and he texted me to ask if i was there. i said yup, you? he said im at this other bar but i will go over there. so like 30 minutes later or something he came to the bar i was at. we talked for a little while, not THAT much, but it was fine, i was with my girlfriends he was with his guy friends. afterwards he got offered a ride back to campus and told me he was going to take it (understandably, it was like 20 degrees out haha) but to come to the frat that he lives at (fyi, he is NOT your typical frat guy by any means) so my roomate and i walked back to campus. while we were walking i texted him so whats at your frat? he said nothing really what are you doing and i said nothing, walking back? and he said walking? that sucks you should come here. however, i didnt see the last text until i got home. i thought it would be weird to walk back to his place at that point so i just texted him saying well im here already so i think im going to stay but i will see you tomorrow, goodnight and he wrote back k have fun (whatever the hell that means haha) that all seems pretty fine right? do you guys think he is interested? should i have gone back to his place? oh and also, when i said see you tomorrow, i meant in class, but then he wasnt in class today! i should have realized that he wouldnt be because the teacher wasnt there and he had gone out. i dotn want to come across as too pushy/ scare him by making him think i expect to hang out with him every night. my roommate says she thinks i should wait and see if he texts me, especially since i said see you tomorrow in my last text. also, he is going away friday and saturday so tonight is my last chance to see him for 2 weeks (thanksgiving break) thoughts? Honestly, I think you should step back a bit. That is, just try to play hard to get--and by that, I mean, do not engage in texting him or calling him. Whenever you do see him (in class and such), just try to be very casual about things. Engage in the normal pleasantries, but try not to put out any signs. If guys are interested in something, then they usually pursue it quite regularly. He seems to me to be rather nebulous about things in regards to his actions. Just step back and do not initiate. You'll have plenty of opportunities to see him soon (given your class schedule).
Author my body is a cage Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 ok update: i did not do anything to contact him over break last week. he texted me on sunday asking me if i knew what the final in our class was (seemed sort of random to me, random time to ask and easily sorted out question). i responded, asked how his break was he responded and asked how mine was, i answered that was that. said hello and chatted briefly after class today. should i still just sit back and wait? im worrried the timing has been so weird that this might just fizzle out. oh and also, finals and reading period are coming up, so i am going to be REALLY busy. hm.
MN randomguy Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Two possibilities: A. You say he's hooked up with other girls before. Then he hooked up with you. Maybe he wants to have fun. Maybe repeat hook-up, FWB? B. Maybe he is open to a romantiv relationship w/ you. My money is on A. He is treating you like the other girls he's hooked up with. Did he want to be their boyfriend?
zenith Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 first of all, yes, he is into you. (but don't think too much about it) plus, don't do that 'play hard to get' BS, that turns most guys off. from what I have read, it is very obvious... however you can take your time, and don't be a snob.
Author my body is a cage Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 thanks for the input! i don't know about his past behavior towards the girls he hooked up with except one of them said he was too nice/needy. im not sure if that means he wanted to be her boyfriend? i know he has had long term relationships in the past tho. im completely fine with a fwb relationship for now i just don't want to mess up/ complicate things... im not trying to play hard to get, im just trying to not seem TOO eager. should i have said we should hang out soon when he texted me last? or should i contact him again?
Author my body is a cage Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 well! i didnt text him last night, even though wednesday is usually a going out night, and he usually goes out. he didnt text me either, but a lot of people didnt go out so its possible he did not. i dont want to go out tonighht either because i have early class... i feel like this thing is getting really drawn out and he may think im not interested, or may have just lost interest... ahh!
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Sorry, he is not interested in nothing more than an occasional lay in the hay. You were too easy, and now he doesn't see you as a serious prospect, just an easy lay. You're not the "Sunday" girl, you're the easy girl to him. Sorry. (A Sunday girl is one he respects and sees as the type he wants a relationship with.)
RamiTia Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I don't really think this guy is interested in anything more than hooking up and it is obvious that you are really interested in more than just that. It's a horrible situation to be in, but that first time that he told you to "stop by his room anytime" was a clear sign that it's the only reason you should stop by. This guy sounds like a jerk.
IrishCarBomb Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 This guy sounds like a jerk. Why? Everything I read makes him seem pretty normal.
RamiTia Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Why? Everything I read makes him seem pretty normal. No, you're right. This guy just sounds like he wants something different, something very casual. She sounds like she is wanting to at least date the guy.
Recommended Posts