sugasuga84 Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I cheated on my boyfriend and I lied about it for a few months and he found out the truth. He broke up with me, and I continued to lie about this one night stand, We started talking a month later and I finally admitted to cheating on him. He quit talking to me for a week because he was still hurt, and then couldnt take it and he called me. We have been talking for about two months now, and he doesn't know how he can ever trust me again, and feels that I need to do something to make it even. We have talked about having a three some so that it would even out me cheating on him. But i'm not to sure because I'm worried that this threesome will hurt us more than help us out. Any idea's on how he could get even with me. Please help!
Konfuzion Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 If he feels like he needs to get "even" with you then he doesn't forgive you and there is no point in trying. Forgiveness is not an eye for an eye, for⋅give verb, -gave, -giv⋅en, -giv⋅ing. –verb (used with object) 1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve. 2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.). 3. to grant pardon to (a person). 4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies. 5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan. –verb (used without object) 6. to pardon an offense or an offender. No where in there does it say to get even.
lady_door Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Do you really think "getting even" will change anything?
quankanne Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 he doesn't know how he can ever trust me again, and feels that I need to do something to make it even. We have talked about having a three some so that it would even out me cheating on him. as bad as he must hurt, I've got to say that is the most dumbass proposal I've heard in a long, long time. 1. if he doesn't trust you because you cheated, how is he going to trust you once you've participated in a threesome? Or is it his intention to humiliate you and punish you by talking you into doing something for the wrong reasons. 2. you cheating on him was not a smart move, but it's up to him to forgive you and move on, whether it's reconciling or walking away. And if it's reconciliation, then that needs to be on the up and up, between you and him, not you him and a third person. Again, is he proposing this to punish you? Why can't he just go screw someone else and call it even, because then he'd be doing what you did? (Sorry, this isn't meant to paint you black, just trying to keep this on an equal basis tit for tat ...) frankly, what you've posted bothers me. A lot. Because what he's not even bothering to practice true forgiveness, just revenge, as you point out. If you have any self-respect, you should tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine, because two wrongs isn't going to right y'alls situation. And that while you may have screwed up, you're not as debased as he hopes you'll be by agreeing to his proposal.
Trimmer Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Agree with the above. It's a naive idea that "getting even" would somehow balance the scales or set the account right. It's understandable to seek the easy way out, but there isn't an easy way out of this one. It would probably just add layers of complexity to an already complex dynamic. I doubt it would make things any better.
samsungxoxo Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 If I were you I would do these things..... 1) Give him all my e-mail accounts and passwords 2) Answer all the question he has 3) Drop that idea of a threesome 4) Keep apologizing like crazy, tell him you'll do anything of gaining back his trust 5) Most important BE PATIENCE, it can take a while, years if so 6) Don't get defensive if he still asks about it
quankanne Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I don't know if I could do number 4 – there's only so much apologizing you can do before it gets old and one or both of you start wondering how sincere it is. I think a sincere, heartfelt apology SHOULD be offered. The other person needs to make up their mind to forgive or stay angry, not force the other person to grovel, IMO.
samsungxoxo Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I don't know if I could do number 4 – there's only so much apologizing you can do before it gets old and one or both of you start wondering how sincere it is. If it's shown with emotions esp. tears then better. It means she regret cheating on her b/f and wants to make it up for him. Oh I forgot number 7) The why she cheated, do specify that ith him
Bryanp Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Why did you cheat on him? If it was a one night stand then the both of you need to be checked for STD's.
AAlike Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 there's no way to "get even" because the real problem with cheating isn't the sex (and very rarely is the motivation for cheating really about just the sex either), it's the breach of trust and show of disrespect that really hits home. You could give him carte blanche to pick up hookers every night, and it wouldn't change the fact that you consciously undermined the principles of your relationship, whereas anything that you would "permit" him to do wouldn't equate that. I don't know that a relationship has any hope of surviving something like this, honestly - but if it does, your only hope is really trying to explain yourself.
Steve L Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Even steven doesnt work, I tried it. Its empty and he will get nothing out of it. Then whats next...the guilt associated with this wrong and "look what you drove me too" or "you did it first" you can never take this wrong back and it can never be righted. The best thing he can do for both of you is break up with you, move on, both of you and learn from this experience. You seem sorry about htis but should not have lied when confronted but understandable, you did something awful and wanted it to go away. Teust me, it never will, it will bother him the rest of his days with you and your relationship will be permanently stained for this infraction. Cut your ties, set him free, his heart and mind will never recover.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 We have talked about having a three some so that it would even out me cheating on him. But i'm not to sure because I'm worried that this threesome will hurt us more than help us out. Any idea's on how he could get even with me. Please help! he can get even with you by never giving you a 2nd thought ever again and move on. A threesome to get even? get real. How old are you? Maybe you just need to tell him that you realize you hurt him in one of the worst ways, and that since he will never be able to trust you, that you have to let him go. Whether he wants to believe it or not, you are not the best thing for him. So maybe you need to go no contact with him and do what he isn't strong enough to do right now.
movingonandon Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 If I were you I would do these things..... 1) Give him all my e-mail accounts and passwords 2) Answer all the question he has 3) Drop that idea of a threesome 4) Keep apologizing like crazy, tell him you'll do anything of gaining back his trust 5) Most important BE PATIENCE, it can take a while, years if so 6) Don't get defensive if he still asks about it I'd be content if my ex went stuck just to steps 4) and 6) . But apparently even that is too much, in spite of all the hand holding from my side. Also, OP, the threesome idea is the DUMBEST thing ever contemplated in such situation. So juvenile. Which actually brings me back to my own troubled ex, who, during the phone call to " get back together" told me that she felt we were getting even with her falling for that other guy. Even for what? (I've never cheated on her). Some people might need to be left alone to grow up. I think this might include you two . Getting even will not solve anything. You need to prove that you are trustworthy, and he needs to evaluate if the evidence is good enough. Otherwise you're wasting each other's time.
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