Nikki Sahagin Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Okay brief run-down of myself. I am 19. I have a mother who pretty much does everything for me. I do as much as I can but she takes charge of it and takes it off me. I have self-diagnosed in the past panic attacks, some sort of anxiety disorder and depression. I've been in a relationship coming up to 2 years and after all this time still get love sick at it's cutest, co-dependent at it's worst. I feel worried and lost if he's not around. I can do a while without him but if we don't see for a few days I miss him a lot. It is a kind of love sickness. When we both went on holiday for two weeks seperately in the first year I was throwing up and crying from missing him :s. Now I can pull myself together from that sort of pathetic stage but I still find I am quite needy, clingy and co-dependent. I am not a very independent person but I hate the idea of independence. I hate the thought of 'being alone'. As in why can't things be done together? I'm a very group oriented person, I don't like the thought of that cold, detatched sense of everyone for themselves which I know isn't really what independence is but it's a slippery slope. Anyway, how can you break out of co-dependency? And does anyone else feel they are co-dependent? Btw he used to be very co-dependent as well, perhaps more than me at first and then our roles reversed.
amaysngrace Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I think everyone is co-dependent to some degree. To think you can't possibly need others is crap. Everyone needs someone sometimes.
Geishawhelk Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 There's 'co-dependent' and there's 'clingy-needy'. Which one do you think you are?
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I agree with Amay and Geisha... We as a species, along with everything within this universe, are co-dependent on something else. We can teach ourselves everything, but we learn from others and things around us. The same with love, love is designed to make us dependent on someone else. Giving us that safe haven to be vulnerable and let down the walls that we through up to shield us from the outside world. It is only when we loose the ability to function without or when we allow the one who claim to love us to physically and/or mentally abuse us or lead us down damnation's path is when that co-dependence becomes poisonous and toxic and that relationship must be let go of. One of the the shows I got into is called Wicked Attraction. It is a crime/documentary show that talks about serial killer couples. While extreme, but it illustrates how if two people may have never met, the vicious things they did may not have ever happened or to the degree and lengths of time these acts were committed. But, you made a point about something. You are observing something that is wrong, or that you perceive is wrong. Really think, are you still suffering the love sickness because you really do love him that deeply (soulmates are like this) or do feel like this because you may have possessive/obsessive tendencies (which is the bad form of co-dependency). If it is the later, this does not mean you should break up, but try doing more things without him, or if you feel it is too serious and you can't control yourself, then seek expert help where you live. There are plenty of doctors and spiritual experts who can help you find a balance to wanting to be around him, but having the power to do still move on with your life even though he is not there or even if you two break up. I hope this was of some help to you.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 It's hard to say whether it's co-dependency, clingy-needy or obsessive/possessive tendencies. I do think I have that side to me which emerges sometimes. I think it probably swings between all 3. So there is a more extreme side of it which I do recognise as wrong but which is difficult to make sense of and deal with. Sometimes emotion can be so irrational.
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 It's hard to say whether it's co-dependency, clingy-needy or obsessive/possessive tendencies. I do think I have that side to me which emerges sometimes. I think it probably swings between all 3. So there is a more extreme side of it which I do recognise as wrong but which is difficult to make sense of and deal with. Sometimes emotion can be so irrational. You may want to talk about it with someone. Maybe it is something in your past that might be the issue of why you are going through things now.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 Well i've always been a spoilt one in the sense my mum has always done everything and my dad has always given me everything. As such, having no tangible worries, I think I disapeared into my own little world and developed my own worries. Also I'm not very good at coping with near enough anything on my own because well...i've never had to. It sounds pathetic but I mean it's wonderful my parents have been there so much that i've never had a 'real' worry but it's made me grow up co-dependent, incompetent and very anxious.
Geishawhelk Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 They do their best for us, but in the end, it might not be doing us any favours. perhaps you should seriosuly think about launching out on your own, cold turkey. Please don't think I'm being morbid or cruel, but - one day, your parents won't be there for you any more. If you perpetuate this "handing you everything on a plate" it's going to leave you very seriously debilitated as and when that happens. You have to become accustomed to standing on your own two feet and doing things - EVERYTHING - for yourself. maybe it would be a good idea to discuss this with your parents, and see if you can come up with a strategy where they relinquish duties and the suchlike to you... let them let go, and you pick up bit by bit. of course, if they don't see things your way, and feel you're making a mountain out of a molehill it will be harder. But explain to them gently that much as you love them, and much as you love them doing this - it's not actually helping you, in the long run, for the long-term. Try to make them see that the best way they could help you is by letting you become INdependent, and not remain CO-dependent.....
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