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Numb sadness


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Posted

Lately ive felt pangs of sadness... I was expecting them to be sharper..and much sooner than this...or not have them at all.

 

I broke up with my bf of almost 1.5 years about three weeks ago. I was feeling unloved and unappreciated. I was feeling like he was with me because...why not.

 

When I broke up I was hoping he would at least made an attempt at stopping me. Instead he reacted defensively, didnt even let me do it in person. Just over messenger, I was telling him how I felt, and he acknowledge he might not be in love with me but that he thought that would come with time after he would get to know me better (:confused:!!!) In the midst of the discussion he said he had to go and he was sorry he wasted my time. He cut me off midsentence

 

Because of how it ended i thought later he would calm down (i assumed he was mad), and try to call me. I texted him asking him when i could see him to finish our conversation but he said there was nothing left to say.

 

what hurts the most of all this is knowing how little i meant to him. he just let me go...no fight, nothing.

A whole year an a half and he just walked away like nothing.

 

Now I think of how at begining when we first started dating he told me he would rather me have an abortion if I got pregnant accidentally. I told him i wouldnt do that but that I didnt want him tied down to me if he didnt want to so I would break up with him and not tell him I was pregnant. He said he that since he now knew, he wouldnt let me go that easily.

 

I guess he changed his mind.

 

I just cant believe a whole year an a half, and it seems like it never happened. Like.....I really was nothing to him, or like maybe i dreamed the whole thing. Like, the whole marriage thing and everything we talked about was all just a dream I had or something...

 

Its just so weird...

 

Somehow though im not falling apart...i knew it was for the best. But i still feel this....numbness and just...."that sucks" feeling.

 

Its weird...and so very sad

Posted

People change and fall out of love, the best we can do it learn from each experience and apply these lessons moving forward.

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