xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 So I happened across my ex bf's myspace page today. Don't ask me why, I suddenly had the urge to look him up on the social network. I knew he has had his account public for a while now, so I decided to drop in to see what he had been up to. Stupid mistake of course, being that I happen to see him with new pictures of him and his girlfriend together. It shouldn't bother me this much being that I was the one who broke up with him, but I was slightly uncomfortable seeing him with someone else. It also bothered me that he changed so much since the last time we were together, he had shaved off his beard and mustache, and for once in his life he actually looked clean cut. Should I be remotely jealous that he never even bothered to go through so much trouble as keeping up apearances when he was with me, but now that I had dumped him, he managed to turn his life around? And what of it that I suddenly find him incredibly attractive? He has everything going for him and now all these feelings come up. I feel like a walking contradiction. I have no intention of getting back in contact with him, although the thought has crossed my mind. I just feel terrible thinking these things. I am ready for any kind of backlash you'll throw at me of course.
alphamale Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I am ready for any kind of backlash you'll throw at me of course. one opens pandoras box at their own risk...
Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 reading about your situation and with the emotion I have now I can say sometimes people are not rational. we are emotional more than we can think we are.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I think people eventually have to clean themselves up after a breakup. When you're dumped you let yourself go for a while... it can get bad lol. Then eventually you're like "well I'm not gonna win anyone over looking like THIS", so you start working out, changing your style, your hair - whatever - so long as it makes you feel/look sexier. I don't think its a bash against you so much as your ex moving on with his life.
Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 it depends also what changes are in his life. maybe he got a new job or he is at a new school, has anew hobby etc how long past since you broke with him
norajane Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Reread your threads about him. That should cure you of this temporary insanity. It's just nostalgia. It happens after break-ups. You somehow forget the bad and focus only on the little bit of good that was there. You get over it when you remember how miserable you were. This is also why they say NC is BEST for YOU to heal. No contact = no new hurts. And checking out his myspace is contact. It sets you back, every time.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 Reread your threads about him. That should cure you of this temporary insanity. It's just nostalgia. It happens after break-ups. You somehow forget the bad and focus only on the little bit of good that was there. You get over it when you remember how miserable you were. This is also why they say NC is BEST for YOU to heal. No contact = no new hurts. And checking out his myspace is contact. It sets you back, every time. But Nora, It's a been a while since we broke up. We've already had NC for months. I don't miss him at all, although on occasions emotions pop up unexpectedly. Not that I miss him or anything. I feel like I have love-hate emotions for him.
norajane Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 But Nora, It's a been a while since we broke up. We've already had NC for months. I don't miss him at all, although on occasions emotions pop up unexpectedly. Not that I miss him or anything. I feel like I have love-hate emotions for him. As long as those emotions pop-up, you are not fully healed. You're just not, even though you might think so. You have to get to the indifference stage before you can have contact. Not love-hate, but indifference, where you just don't care and he could be sucking face with his new gf right in front of you and you'd just wonder wtf you were thinking ever being attracted to him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 one opens pandoras box at their own risk... Yeah I know, I know... I think people eventually have to clean themselves up after a breakup. When you're dumped you let yourself go for a while... it can get bad lol. Then eventually you're like "well I'm not gonna win anyone over looking like THIS", so you start working out, changing your style, your hair - whatever - so long as it makes you feel/look sexier. I don't think its a bash against you so much as your ex moving on with his life. I understand. But even when we're together, he lets himself go. I can't remember how much I had to go through to deal with his crap. Now that I see him, why does it feel like all my efforts were in vain. At the time I was trying to make things work, but he didn't even try, so I let go. So how does it seem fair to me seeing him now better than he was when he was with me?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 As long as those emotions pop-up, you are not fully healed. You're just not, even though you might think so. You have to get to the indifference stage before you can have contact. Not love-hate, but indifference, where you just don't care and he could be sucking face with his new gf right in front of you and you'd just wonder wtf you were thinking ever being attracted to him. I'm trying to get to the indifferent stage, I think I was there once. Unfortunately, I feel like I am now right back where I started, hating him and having him on my mind.
SushiX Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 You find him incredibly attactive now maybe because he has new gf and probably has a much better life now then when he was with you?
Geishawhelk Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 one opens pandoras box at their own risk... Yeah I know, I know... Remember that the last thing in Pandora's box was 'Hope'......
Author xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 You find him incredibly attactive now maybe because he has new gf and probably has a much better life now then when he was with you? Actually I find him attractive without the beard and mustache. Otherwise he looks the same, except he has another girl on his shoulders. Hmmm maybe I was feeling under the weather. Now that I think about it, he's not all that great.
SushiX Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Actually I find him attractive without the beard and mustache. Otherwise he looks the same, except he has another girl on his shoulders. Hmmm maybe I was feeling under the weather. Now that I think about it, he's not all that great. lol. Yeah feeling under the weather can do this. I've done some pretty stupid stuff before just because I felt lonely. It was pathetic really. lol
Woggle Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 When a man fimally moves on a woman all of a sudden finds him attractive but by then he doesn't want her anymore.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 When a man fimally moves on a woman all of a sudden finds him attractive but by then he doesn't want her anymore. Woggle I don't understand what you're getting at?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 lol. Yeah feeling under the weather can do this. I've done some pretty stupid stuff before just because I felt lonely. It was pathetic really. lol I know right? But thanks for understanding.
Woggle Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Woggle I don't understand what you're getting at? Nothing created atttraction in a woman like a man that does not want her. Your ex has moved on and he is living a happy life without you so that has recreated interest on your part.
Geishawhelk Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Nothing created atttraction in a person like an ex- that does not want them. Your ex has moved on and is living a happy life without you, so that has re-created interest on your part. If you had put it this way, it would have been so more accurate. it works both ways Woggle. Don't be so....."isolationist". Men are men, women are women - and people are people. Emotions are shared. If they weren't, this board wouldn't exist....
carhill Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I think men process this stuff differently. I know I do. Once I emotionally disconnect a woman, she's done in my mind and heart. Nadda, zippo. I don't care how successful she becomes or what hottie she has sucking her face. It doesn't matter. It's like she's dead and I don't care. Just being honest
Author xpaperxcutx Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 I think men process this stuff differently. I know I do. Once I emotionally disconnect a woman, she's done in my mind and heart. Nadda, zippo. I don't care how successful she becomes or what hottie she has sucking her face. It doesn't matter. It's like she's dead and I don't care. Just being honest I'm not saying that I'm not like that Carhill, the mentality that I left with when I broke up with my ex was never looking back. But then it was like after a while I get curious about things, be it whether I still care about him or not. Yes he's dead to me, but then how does one truly explain why the tiniest reminder of an ex brings still can bring up a little emotion?
Shygirl15 Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 When a man fimally moves on a woman all of a sudden finds him attractive but by then he doesn't want her anymore. Apparently, men also do the same..
carhill Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Never has happened to me, but, of course, YMMV
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