Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I want to invite him to open up, I want to be friendly, warm and mature with him. Will this help him to come to discuss with me? Thank you for your advice! here it is: **************************************** You came in my thoughts while I was there and for this I am writing you this. I would love to hear what you expect from a relation, your concern, needs, fears and desires. I want to explore option for meeting those, to brainstorm how to satisfy and support them. I cannot read the mind of other but if they would communicate in words to me I will know about what is there. In my opinion you can know someone better not limiting to the activity of sitting across a table (from face-to-face), but also in the informal activity you are engaged (side-by-side) - this is why I said about the going at the museum. I know all of us have prior experience and flaws but if we are aware of them and if we want to change something we can do it. Everyone wants to be happy with in a relationship and if there is a problem you have to stop and to talk about it. People in the entire world face such problems, it does not matter their native language, and there is a universal language of relationships between the man and woman. If I would be in the situation of having a difficulties with the communication and I want the relation to work, I will ask for professional help (those people trained to help in such situation) because the communication in a relation is a special subject and I know this will help. For each problem-making there is a problem-solving. We are living in the era of overload and overwork and we have hard time to observe ourselves and to stop in perpetuate difficult behavior that brings dissatisfactions. I am a flexible person and I always enjoy debating/discussing to come up with a solution to make the things work - to reach the outcome It says is the world of eat-or be-eaten but I still think it is good to be flexible instead of being on rigid position. The real world of stresses, strains, temptation and tempests people fear to meet their emotions. With patience, persistence and the breakthrough you can pass the most difficult situation.
jason83 Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Why, exactly, are you writing this? Have you been dating long? Is this the exact way you intend to present this to this person? I do see some errors in terms of grammar and wording
Author Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 Why, exactly, are you writing this? Have you been dating long? Is this the exact way you intend to present this to this person? I do see some errors in terms of grammar and wording thank you so much for your feedback. I am not English native speaker so I cannot detect all the grammar and wording. Do you think after those english problems are corrected the message will make him to open up? When you mean "exact way" how do find the way?
chugster Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Just write: "If you ever feel the need to talk to someone, I want you to know that I am always here for you."
Author Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 Just write: "If you ever feel the need to talk to someone, I want you to know that I am always here for you." I want to stress that I can pass the situation where there is a communication problem because i am not english native speaker. You came in my thoughts while I was there and for this I am writing you this. You a very attractive and kind man, a honest and trusting person, I would love to hear what you expect from a relation, your concern, needs, fears and desires. I want to explore option for meeting those, to brainstorm how to satisfy and support them. I cannot read the mind of other but if they would communicate in words to me I will know about them. In my opinion you can know someone better not limiting to the activity of sitting across a table (from face-to-face), but also in the informal activity you are engaged (side-by-side) - this is why I said about the going at the museum. I know all of us have prior experience and flaws but if we want to change something we can do it. People in the entire world face communication problems, it does not matter their native language, there is a universal language of relationships between the man and woman and also professional help (those people trained to help in such situation) because the communication in a relation is a special subject and I know this will help. We are living in the era of overload and overwork and we have hard time to observe ourselves and to stop in perpetuate difficult behavior that brings dissatisfactions. I am pretty flexible person and I always enjoy debating/discussing to come up with a solution to make the things work - to reach the outcome It says is the world of eat-or be-eaten but I still think it is good to be flexible instead of being on rigid position. With patience, persistence and the breakthrough you can pass the most difficult situation.
D-Lish Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Love Forest... This is the guy that broke up with you in an e-mail after 3 dates right? Seriously- sending such a lengthy, emotional letter will really freak him out! You will come off sounding really creepy- trust me. This is something a stalker would write. What cultural differences do you and this man have? After him sending you a "nice to meet you but I am not interested" letter.... He is hoping for a clean break. Your love letter will seriously freak him out... Please don't send it.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Who is this guy and how much is he to you? The important point being how long you guys have been together. There's no reason to write such a lengthy letter if you guys haven't even been together for 2 years or more. Because this letter just sounds too obsessive and needy for the guy to open up to you. You'll just scare him away.
chugster Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Personally (I'm only speaking for myself), if someone were to write that letter/note to me, I might get a little nauseating reading it. But that's just me... please don't be offended. I guess what I am trying to say is that you're trying too hard to send such a simple message. In addition, if you're trying to break the language/communication barrier, then you might be doing yourself a disfavor (IMO). You write well for a non-native English speaker (can I assume that you're in the process of learning English?), but there are lots of grammatical errors.
D-Lish Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Who is this guy and how much is he to you? The important point being how long you guys have been together. There's no reason to write such a lengthy letter if you guys haven't even been together for 2 years or more. Because this letter just sounds too obsessive and needy for the guy to open up to you. You'll just scare him away. That's what I am trying to convey to her Paper... they had three dates and he gently let her down in an e-mail. Love Forest- you will come off sounding obsessive if you send such a letter, trust me.
chugster Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 That's what I am trying to convey to her Paper... they had three dates and he gently let her down in an e-mail. Love Forest- you will come off sounding obsessive if you send such a letter, trust me. Ohhh.... it makes a little more sense now. LoveForest might not have fully understood what "nice to meet you but I am not interested" mean. Poor girl
Author Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 I do not know him since 2 yeaars but maybe yes I am needy, I need so much a man for me and he is the best i was meeting from the dating site. The rest i was meeting only once because I had no connection with them. I want to give a try and I do not know how to do it. You know the book "Pride and prejudice"? I was so much attracted by him.
Isolde Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 LoveForest, I understand how you feel. I once went on two dates with a guy only to be let down by him, also via email. I was really into the idea of dating him and didn't get over it for a few months after that. I remember my last email to him, I told him I'd really enjoyed the date. I sent that rather impulsively too, I really shouldn't have. You need to channel the energy you put into this letter into meeting someone new. I know it's hard, but what other option do you have?
D-Lish Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I do not know him since 2 yeaars but maybe yes I am needy, I need so much a man for me and he is the best i was meeting from the dating site. The rest i was meeting only once because I had no connection with them. I want to give a try and I do not know how to do it. You know the book "Pride and prejudice"? I was so much attracted by him. But Hun, we're trying to be helpful here and tell you that his e-mail really did mean he isn't interested in taking things further. It was only 3 dates, and it didn't work out- there will be other guys, this guy was just not the right one for you. If you send the letter, you will scare him. When a guy sends a letter like that, he means what he says. You will never change his mind. It's just time to move on and keep dating others.
Author Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 I cannot find the words right now to express what i want to do. I want to say that even if i am not a native englsih speaker i am able to go through the communication. i am living in a country were people speak english and I have to survive here since this is my home now. I will tell him then You came in my thoughts while I was there and for this I am writing you this. You a very attractive and kind man, a honest and trusting person, I would love to hear what you expect from a relation, your concern, needs, fears and desires. I want to explore option for meeting those, to brainstorm how to satisfy and support them. I cannot read the mind of other but if they would communicate in words to me I will know about them. In my opinion you can know someone better not limiting to the activity of sitting across a table (from face-to-face), but also in the informal activity you are engaged (side-by-side) - this is why I said about the going at the museum. I can see many people i was dating only once and i told to them I do feel like dating him they continue to send me message and to ask or to say something about my new picture.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 That's what I am trying to convey to her Paper... they had three dates and he gently let her down in an e-mail. Love Forest- you will come off sounding obsessive if you send such a letter, trust me. Yikes!! 3 dates? I do not know him since 2 yeaars but maybe yes I am needy, I need so much a man for me and he is the best i was meeting from the dating site. The rest i was meeting only once because I had no connection with them. I want to give a try and I do not know how to do it. You know the book "Pride and prejudice"? I was so much attracted by him. L_F, life isn't a book, let alone " Pride and Prejudice". Look at the woman behind the book, she died a spinster. If you're thinking the guy's the Darcy to your Elizabeth then you're really living in your own little fantasy.
Author Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 If i do the mistake of sending such letter even if he won't reply? I feel somehow guilty because perhaps when we meet last time I was after 2 sleepless night because i had to finish some work and also i had a cold, and perhaps i did not pay enough attention to him. you know when you are cold and tired you are a little nervous and have difficulties to focus on the conversation.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 If i do the mistake of sending such letter even if he won't reply? The letter should be erased and burned. Don't write it. If you have any pride for yourself, then you would take his email to heart that he really wasn't the "one" for you, and you would swallow that unsatisfactory rejection, and leave it at that. Ice cream helps as well. Let me tell you, I dated someone who rejected me after one date. Of course that left me heartbroken and depressed. I pursued, he ignored. The lesson? I had a little vanilla ice cream and went out and date other people.
D-Lish Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Yikes!! 3 dates? L_F, life isn't a book, let alone " Pride and Prejudice". Look at the woman behind the book, she died a spinster. If you're thinking the guy's the Darcy to your Elizabeth then you're really living in your own little fantasy. Agreed... But LoveForest- I think you want to send this letter no matter what anyone has to say. Everyone is going to tell you it's crazy to do so after 3 dates... but you seem intent on sending it to him. Go ahead and send it then. He truly will see you as being needy and probably creepy... But it's up to you.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 If you sent it already, too late, but just hold on to your dignity despite this and try to move on. Realize there are other fish in the sea, there truly are. He might write back, but it will be something to the effect of "I'm sorry, I just don't want a relationship with you. Take care." Then you have mentioned the option of him not responding, which might be best. Have you ever had a guy who you really didn't want to date, weren't attracted to him, but he really liked you and kept pursuing? That is what he is feeling now, like he doesn't like you like that, but you like him.
amaysngrace Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Go ahead and send it. It's a nice message and what harm could it do at this point?
Author Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 I know the life is not like in the books, but also the real life is not like on the dating site. Those people are there and it seems the procrastinated in behind their computer and when i get dates,I can complain I get enough, but I disappointing I do not have any connection with them, nice persons although but no connection there. they pursue me, send me emails everyday to meet again and it is hard to me but i tell them I do not have any conection with them. he was the only one i was meeting more than once- 3 times-
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Go ahead and send it. It's a nice message and what harm could it do at this point? 99% possibility: he reads the letter, then deletes. She ends up waiting for a response, and thinking irrational thoughts 1%: he reads it, responds She ends up pursuing like crazy and he IGNORES her again.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 It doesn't matter if he's the only one you had a connection with. It doesn't matter if you went on 3 dates with him and none with the other guys. All that matters is that he told you he wasn't interested, and you want to control this situation to fit your needs. People don't like to be controlled. If I told someone I was not interested and they sent me a letter such as the one you composed, I would be very irritated. Please don't send it.
Author Love_Forest Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 i will come again here to tell my story after, i did not send the message yet, i am not in hurry, i will send it tomorrow perhaps if is to do so, because i might make it shorter and perhaps with my knowledge i will try to correct my english. he told to me he want to married but he see me as a happy person about my life and the marriage is not a priority for me. he got the wrong opinion, because actually i am needy and creepy and clingy!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 he got the wrong opinion, because actually i am needy and creepy and clingy! Really?????
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