EmperorR Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 GA, its been 3 months and like a pathetic loser thoughts in the back of mind still think that everything will work out in the end between us, pathetic I know. I even met this new girl she's great, she really likes me but I'm scared to get close to her because of two reasons, 1 which is so pathetic and I'll probably get laughed at. 1. WHat if my ex comes back and I'm with a new girl what do I do, yes i'm such a loser . 2. I keep coomparing her already to my ex, shes not as pretty, shes the complete opposite, she's not as smart as my ex. etc. Ga I just hate it End of Ramble
Geishawhelk Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 You're nowhere near ready to date if all you can think about is your ex. Be fair to this new young lady, and tell her this. Not only are you considering turfing her if your ex should miraculously go completely against everything you already know, and come knocking at your door - but in your eyes, she's a poor substitute. End it now.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I agree with Geisha. It may feel like everyone around you is dating, but the reality is, there a lot of happy singles out there! You don't need to have feelings for someone right away, and in my experiences, feelings happen kind of out of no where, you don't really go looking for them. Right now, at 3 months, you still need time to heal. Trust me, I know the feeling, because I am going through something similar. The good news is you are admitting your faults. Even if you aren't in great shape, you're being honest about it. I understand the inclination to think years down the road you and your ex will work out - it happens, so its plausible it could happen to you. When I get feelings like that, I look at people around me. Right now I'm sitting in a bustling library: how many people here have moved on from their first loves? Probably all of them... minus lets say... 10% of them. So yeah! Everyone goes through heartbreak, everyone loses someone, instead of looking at the odds of getting her back - look at the chances you'll happily move on! Thats what I do: I look to people all around me and realized they've moved on. So can I. Its life, it happens, we get over it!
BackonTrack2 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 what your feeling is normal. Date the new girl and forget about your ex. My ex cheated on me as well. Messed me up for months. Blew lots of relationships. Now the feelings are gone but i'm lonely. No one to have sex with
TeaAbraham Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I feel ya Emperor. Your first point gets me thinking: WHat if my ex comes back and I'm with a new girl what do I doSo I guess that speaks to the whole reason any one is here. The ex doesn't want you anymore, but you want her. You definitely can't go into another relationship with this mindset. You would be the new jerk! Aha. But why would you want to be with such a person? I don't think you would. You want to be with that person who didn't cheat on you and throw you aside. But that person exists no more dude. If your ex came back she wouldn't be that girl you knew once upon a time. She has either changed or shown her true colors, but either way, it's not that same girl. And that's the hardest part. That that girl is gone. To your second point, I totally understand. My ex was SOOO sexy and smart. Damn good looking. and I mean damn good looking. Haha. Anyway. It's rough. I don't know what to tell ya. If you were with someone like your ex I am sure there's another girl just as pretty and smart out there. I am actually just kind of assuming I will find someone even smarter and sexier than my ex. I am a better man now! And I work out 5 days a week after this sh*t has gone down Maybe she will grow on you though? Maybe she has some other great qualities that you didn't even know it was possible to have. I dont' know. Probably not great comparing everyone to your ex though. I mean people have got standards, but your ex doesn't have to be your standard. Why should she be? And dude, she obviously wasn''t that smart if she did this too you.
JooLee Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 i had those thoughts with the last guy i dated. and i knew that i wasnt ready, and so i made a decision so just enjoy being by myself for now, and i dont regret it. because it was only fair to him and to myself. we all want companionship and affection. first of all, give your affection to yourself. love yourself, praise yourself, trust yourself. when you're happy with yourself, then your ex wouldnt matter anymore. yes, this person made a difference in your life, and you shared memories. nothing will take the memories away, it will still be there, but for now, put it in a box and keep it buried, and open it only if you know you will feel indifferent. when my ex and i first broke up, i felt like my whole world was falling and it was the worse thing that could have happened. My uncle told me "you'll never know that it might be a blessing in disguise, and it could be the best thing that could happen to you". of course i didnt believe him. Now, almost 5 months down the road, his words rings clearly in my mind, because i can honestly say i am happy that we broke up and it is the best thing that happened. I have LEARN SO MUCH FROM IT. i see that we were unhappy, that we were hurting every single day and now i am free from it, plus, now i have so much more knowledge and experience, and that is priceless. im living my life the way i couldnt when i was with him. and i am on my way of becoming a better person. however, the only thing that i am sad about is the way we ended things. i probably will always be hurt from the way he treated me, but at least i see the light now. AND YOU WILL TOO. this is life, and you are still young. and you have so much more out there for you. there are god knows bizillion people in this world and i highly doubt it the girl next door is the only one you'll feel that way for. one day you'll look back at this and you'll realise yourself, it is the best thing that could have happened. my two cents, dont use someone to get over someone. its not healthy. you have to deal with all the baggage you're carrying with you, or else, it will just be a cycle. you will make it Emp R, start believing it today :)
lofi_tokyo Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 i had those thoughts with the last guy i dated. and i knew that i wasnt ready, and so i made a decision so just enjoy being by myself for now, and i dont regret it. because it was only fair to him and to myself. we all want companionship and affection. first of all, give your affection to yourself. love yourself, praise yourself, trust yourself. when you're happy with yourself, then your ex wouldnt matter anymore. yes, this person made a difference in your life, and you shared memories. nothing will take the memories away, it will still be there, but for now, put it in a box and keep it buried, and open it only if you know you will feel indifferent. when my ex and i first broke up, i felt like my whole world was falling and it was the worse thing that could have happened. My uncle told me "you'll never know that it might be a blessing in disguise, and it could be the best thing that could happen to you". of course i didnt believe him. Now, almost 5 months down the road, his words rings clearly in my mind, because i can honestly say i am happy that we broke up and it is the best thing that happened. I have LEARN SO MUCH FROM IT. i see that we were unhappy, that we were hurting every single day and now i am free from it, plus, now i have so much more knowledge and experience, and that is priceless. im living my life the way i couldnt when i was with him. and i am on my way of becoming a better person. however, the only thing that i am sad about is the way we ended things. i probably will always be hurt from the way he treated me, but at least i see the light now. AND YOU WILL TOO. this is life, and you are still young. and you have so much more out there for you. there are god knows bizillion people in this world and i highly doubt it the girl next door is the only one you'll feel that way for. one day you'll look back at this and you'll realise yourself, it is the best thing that could have happened. my two cents, dont use someone to get over someone. its not healthy. you have to deal with all the baggage you're carrying with you, or else, it will just be a cycle. you will make it Emp R, start believing it today :) JooLee! WHAT A NICE POST! I'm gonna come back to this several times today I'm sure. It really made me feel good. Thank you!
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