New to site and heartbroken

[Jolie76]

Hello,

I've been reading this site for along time now, using the great advice but haven't signed up till today. I had no idea so many people were going through the same thing I am.

 

Mine is a long story short I love deeply someone who doesn't feel the same way back and learning a few days ago he's now dating his best friend of four years. Him and I have had some rough times togather and I have always held out hope he would finally see me the way he suddenly sees this girl. It hurt more because its this particular girl. Someone he said was like a sister to him, so it seems wrong to me. Everything he is doing is what I wanted for us.

 

Part of me thinks he's getting her out of his system I know guys are curious and that he could use that experience for when he's ready to try a real relationship with me. We have a wierd backstory way to long to explain. He's bascially very afriad of committment and always pushes me away when we start to get close, he hasn't had a relationship last longer then a few monthes so naturally dating this girl is out of left field and has destroyed me. Whatever his reasons are I need to focus on the pain and the way I'm feeling now.

It hurts so bad I cannot sleep I have been crying non stop for days, hard wailing crying, I can't stand the thought of them togather it breaks my heart into pieces. I have a moment of peace right now so I'm able to write this.

I have never felt so much pain in my life, I don't know what to do. I've been praying for help and guidence and now I'm turning to you guys.

 

Can someone please help me I don't really have anyone else I can talk to.

 

Heartbroken many times over

 

Jolie

[Jolie76]

response to someone who deleted their post. Now mine isn't needed.

[lofi_tokyo]

Okay! You asked for advice so I'll do my very best.... I initially avoided your post because it seemed a bit vague to me, so if I guess the situation wrong, my apologies, and feel free to correct me.

 

Here is how I imagine the situation between you and this guy having played out:

It does not sound to me like the two of you dated. It more like you two had crushes on eachother at one point, nothing came out of it, and you two moved on awkwardly. Possibly hooking up at random times, but nothing more than that really going on - since you say hes had a few short relationships, I'm guessing maybe he hooked up with you in between girls (if you two ever did hook up).

 

 

 

More than anything though, what I'm getting out of this post is:

You became friends with a guy -> you liked him, he liked you -> nothing happened -> you remained friends -> he started liking a girl, you two got distant -> they broke up, friendship resumed -> you told him how you felt, got rejected...

the cycle continued. All the while you wanted desperately to be the girl he would always come back to, his best female friend - except this other girl was his best friend, so you got kinda jealous. I suspect you always asked him if he liked her out of jealousy, to which he replied "nah shes like a sister". But... the thing is, the two of them have probably had some feelings for a while, just not super developed ones. He said she was like a sister because he was not willing then to put everything on the line, he just wanted to see how things played out.

 

Anyways, you did not mention your history with this guy, so I'm shooting in the dark, but...

It sounds like he just always saw you as a friend after the initial crushy stuff. You've held hopes of winning him over, with the best friend always seeming like your rival. The thing is, she was always a priority over you in his eyes, and that is why you are hurting so badly. I'm sorry you're hurting...

 

From what I've gathered, I really do not believe he has any intention of getting together with you. Trust me, if he is dating someone else, he is into HER! He's not prepping himself to date you. Furthermore, he has constantly pushed your attempts to get close to him away - thats a pretty clear indicator that you are permanently going to be his friend. A lot of guys get interested in a girl, things don't turn out, but they still think the girl is a cool friend, so they don't want to tell the girl to back off entirely.

Thats harsh info, I know, but I am trying to be honest!

 

Good news is you can FINALLY let go. It sounds to me like you've been holding onto this one guy for a longggg time. Why? You're young, theres other guys out there, go enjoy life.

 

Trust me, as the years go by, having liked this guy won't even seem significant. You'll have bigger fish to fry.

[Jolie76]

Hey,

Yeah I was vague cuz I don't want to relieve everything. Yeah alot of your stuff is a bit off but thats due to my vagueness. I think regardless to why Im where I am emotionally I need help in moving on, the pain is so bad I cry and cry and I want me life back. If he wants to be with me he knows where I am I just can't sit and wait around anymore on a hope that he will realize who I am.

Its so hard cuz he is a big part of my life and I really really love him. The longest relationship he's ever had is 6 monthes he said he goes bored and dumps them, and we never hooked up sexually, he's always to nervous around me but never the less, perhaps that has spared me extra heartache down the road.

 

I just want to be happy again and hopeful that someone will love me someday

[lofi_tokyo]

One thing I can say is that... you say you "want your life back". Well you never lost it! You're still here!

 

In fact, if anything, your life is gonna get a huge upgrade soon, because you'll be over a guy that really wasn't that into you to start off with. You WILL find someone better, someone who is comfortable being with you, and yeah! Just because one crummy crush doesnt work out does not mean your life needs to come to a hault.

 

You will be happy someday, sooner rather than later, just let yourself cry it out, and work on finding things to do that you like.

[Jolie76]

Its funny I usually am the one dishing out advice to everyone so it's wierd beinig on the other side. It different when its your heart in pain huh?

Well hopefully I can help others on here too.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[lofi_tokyo]

Yeah, once you start healing hardcore its a lot easier to give advice

 

You can really where people are in their healing on this site based on the advice they give... its hard when you're feeling super mopey!

 

But people on this site give an receive. Thats the nice thing. You put a little bit of yourself out there, you get solid advice, and when someone new comes along you do what ya can to help out.