jag2 Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 I have been dating my boyfriend for about 13 months now, and this past May we decided to move in together. This required me to move about 45 minutes away from where I had lived for the last seven years. I still work at my current job, so I commute about 45 mins each eay every day. We moved in together with the understanding at that time we weren't ready for marriage. I knew that he had some money problems to begin with, and I had been helping him out a bit. This summer I asked where we were going, if he had a future in mind for us. We never really discussed it before. He did say that he saw us looking for a house next year, and marriage/kids would be in that as well. I got excited, which led to me wanting to talk about it more. This is where things started to get different. I know he is down about where he is in his job. He feels that he should be in a higher position and making more money. I told him everyone feels that way, we all go through it. Just have to wait and work for it. He stopped smoking, so he gained weight. He has high blood pressure, so is on medication for it. His doctor also put him on depression meds because he just wasn't happy with himself. Recently his doctor switched the medication because the old stuff he was on also causes weight gain. So he is all out of whack because of his health, but this also leads to no intimacy for us. He has no urge for anythign that may be sexual, or just intimate (cuddling, kissing, etc.) He doesn't want to do the things he used to do, whether it is playing a game, or just going out in general. He also doesn't want to talk about marriage or kids anymore, it makes him scared want to push it away more. It's affecting our relationship, and that makes me feel responsible. Like I need to do soemthing to fix it, or I did something to cause it. He tells me no, it is all him. He's told me that if he doesn't feel better, then I deserve better. We've fought a lot lately, and I have had the urge to leave. But I don't want to leave because I love him and want to work it out. And I also don't know where to go anymore. I have no friends in this new town, so I would need to find a friend in a different city. I've told him that I love him for exactly who he is today, and not what he could give me in the future. I can't imagine not having him in my life, and I just want things to go back the way they were. I want him to be happy so badly, that I don't care what I have to do to make it happen. Any advice? I feel like I am goign crazy with worry...
Author jag2 Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 I know that it will take some time for the medication to start working, and I know that I should give him his space. But it just hurts so much and I have a hard time pretending I am happy and fine, going on with life. I've asked before if he is happy with me/us, and his response is always "I don't know". I've asked him once he starts feeling better is he still wanting to be with me, and his response is "I don't know". Part of me thinks that he is just stringing me along, but I know he's probably just acting this way because he is depressed. He can't think past his unhappiness. I get uncomfortable being around his family or mine as well. Pretending that we are happy and getting along. My family loves him and thinks he is perfect. And I know that his family loves me too. But now with the holidays coming around, I almost don't know that I want him with me when I go back home. I hate putting on a happy face. Am I just being a brat about all this?
Mahatma Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 First of all, your boyfriend is taking mind-altering drugs. I am a very anti-pills person. You can not solve depression with pills. Taking pills will not make him forget he does not like his job. For him to regain his happiness, he should pursue a career that he will enjoy. You can help him along that path. ...or not. You decide. But when you said this: I have no friends in this new town, so I would need to find a friend in a different city. That is horrible. It sounds to me like you are just staying with him because you have no one else. His happiness is important, but so is yours. What would I do? Get him to stop the drugs and help him figure out a new career path that will provide him with real happiness.
Recommended Posts