Praise the 'Booty Call'

[LittleDove]

Hey,

I know this might get mixed reactions... im not looking for approval...I just wonder if anyone else has this going on...any thoughts are welcome, even the shocked horrible ones!

 

I broke up my serious 2 1/2 year relationship. I couldnt even think about looking at another guy with trust and love.. I didnt want to begin another relationship. I still had feelings for my X who had moved on very well without me.

 

I have needs ...and I have an 'arrangement'..my booty call!

 

(it MUST be normal it was an entire episode of 2 &1/2 Men! lol.

 

(as I write it doesnt sound good!) but it is!

 

I went out with this guy 5 years ago, but there was little to the relationship, except sex. We broke it off, with no dramatics or tears and remained friends.

When I got back to town after the break up, we met, and it led to sex, my booty knows all about what has been going on with the X, and has said nothing, no judgements at all. We have a deal that if either of us 'meet someone' then our arrangemnt ends.

 

Im cool with this. It suits me. Right now I dont want a relationship, with emotions, and needs, and with all my issues I doubt I could sustain a healthy relationship anyway. If 'it' ends, then it ends, and good luck to either one of us..

 

So its sex on tap. And I have to say, its only a pysical thing, I do adore my booty, but wouldnt want to try and have a relationship again, it didnt work out first time around, and theres absolutley no 'passion' there. Just great sex, a movie, a quick cuddle, and home to my own bed. Its so honest and comfortable. A few times theres been a little more emotion there from both of us, and we keep it in check. It is what it is, and no more.

 

 

Am I too jaded. Is this normal?? It has allowed me to do soul searching while 'getting a bit' without sleeping around. I wouldnt and couldnt sleep with strangers.

 

It feels like im 'cheating' having a 'real' relationship... maybe this is easier??

 

Maybe im afraid of love. Thats okay, considering I just got burned like a bushfire.

 

Tonight, im thinking...PRAISE the Booty call!!

 

(and yes, i realise I have opened myself up to the entire world about it! judge away!!)

[amaysngrace]

No judgment from me sister. It's your life and if this makes you happy then that's all that matters.

 

You like him enough. You were once a couple. So as long as you have terms on how it goes then it's all good. Anything can be respectable as long as you treat it with respect.

 

It's kind of like a favorite teddy bear...with a penis.

[LittleDove]

You make me laugh amasyngrace!! yeah hes my ' extra special and fun ' teddy bear!!

After I posted I thought, oh no, the entire LS community is going to judge me..then I thought, its been so helpful here, im open to everyones opinions. Negative or positive they are mostly all 'food for thought' !!

and im the upfront and open type.. so im an open book..

enjoying being given feedback in areas where you cant even tell your friends things, this forum is pricless.

[CaliGuy]

Not going to judge you here, because we have all been in that position at one time in our lives or another.

 

I will say though, tread carefully. With sex comes deep emotional attachments that we don't know are there until it's too late. Usually someone gets hurt in the end. Instead of calling with "Friends with Benefits" they really should call it "Friends playing with Fire…"

[Geishawhelk]

Not going to judge you here, because we have all been in that position at one time in our lives or another.

 

Er........ not me........ it's never crossed my mind!

 

 

 

I will say though, tread carefully. With sex comes deep emotional attachments that we don't know are there until it's too late. Usually someone gets hurt in the end. Instead of calling with "Friends with Benefits" they really should call it "Friends playing with Fire…"

 

Not only that - look after your health.

How do you know who else's 'booty' they are?

 

(Was that right? I have no idea. I'm English you see. Never come across the term until here....! )

[sultry33]

Its never that easy, someone always gets hurt in the end.

 

I miss my ex as with him the sex was perfectly matched

we fitted.. now its just not worth a 2nd try with a guy

sometimes i sooooo want to contact my ex:sick:

[LittleDove]

Im not too worried about disease, we have safe sex!

 

Gawd, bit scary otherwise. We see eachother most nights, I usually know where he is, just because of his routine. Work, footy, i also know his family.

 

The only issue I can see, is when one of us does meet someone, the one left will be a bit lonley and miss the arrangment.

I know on my part there will be no bad feelings, I know I wont ever be 'in love' with him. We tried that, and it just didnt hapen. We just dont talk that well, or have the same sense of humour. All we are is friends with a bit of hanky panky!! or lots.

 

(he is an X we only went out for about 2 months..and I NEVER missed him, I went and had a whole 2.5 year relationship after him.sex wasnt that great before!)LOL

 

 

so my next question is, if you dont have a booty call, does that mean you need to be in a relationship to have sex? or pick up strangers?

 

I once went for 2 years celibate, and I aint doing that again!

[alwayssme]

i'm not judging you and I understand for most of us who got out of a serious relationship, sex and intimacy also becomes something we miss. And most of us would prefer to NOT do it with strangers, so you go to someone you're attracted to and have some type of connection with. I would just say be careful to not get attached, being hurt on top of heartbroken is not exactly a good combo. Personally I wouldn't be able to have sex without getting emotionally attached but that's just me. Everybody's different. Best wishes!

[wowIlose]

All we are is friends with a bit of hanky panky!! or lots.

Are you really friends? Does that really work?

 

Think about it...

 

Your sharing a sexual connection with this man, your not simply going to be able to drop him out of your life and never think about him again once you get a new "boyfriend". Its simply not human nature. Hes going to cross your mind more often as you continue to have sex.

 

Now, lets fast forward to a point where a new man shows interest and wants to enter into a relationship and you feel the same way. What will happen to the "booty"? Are you going to drop him like a stone? Maintain friendship?

 

Lets assume you drop him... well... nice friendship hunny... I'm sure he'll be cool with it (not...). Ok fine, lets assume you stay friends and cut out the sex but keep him in your life while still having that sexual attraction. You think this is fair to your new boyfriend? What are you going to tell him? "Oh dont worry sweety, we used to f*ck but just as friends.. oh and hes still a friend, but no worries."

 

I am not saying what your doing is wrong but don't kid yourself by downplaying this to something completely harmless and free of consequence. You can label it whatever you like but in reality your in an open relationship, and whichever way you look at it this is still a relationship and the longer it persists the more likely one of you will get hurt once someone new is involved.

[Ruby Slippers]

Casual sex doesn't do it for me, but it sounds like it's working for you -- I say enjoy it!

 

In theory, my single time right now is great for sexual experimentation, the kinds of things I wouldn't want to do while in a relationship, but I am very paranoid about disease and crazies! Fling opportunities are everywhere, of course (there are soooo many cute men in my city), but I have resisted them all so far. Maybe my feelings will change in the future, though. The world is my oyster. And yours!

[LittleDove]

:confused:HMM well, after reading all these posts(and I thank you all) I went and saw my 'booty call' tonight, and bought up this subject...

 

We decided we are in a relationship, although neither of us want anything FULL ON, like living together or needyness, nagging...etc, I guess we are both wary.

 

We decided we have an awesome friendship, and have to protect that.

 

So I am in a relationship?? I guess. I adore him, and I think he adores me, and we both love the pysical side, and have dediced to spend a little more time together, and see how things go.

 

Also he said he would be sad if things were to end now, so thats why we decided to keep things going, but make a commitment, that we are exculsive and not 'looking'.

He also said that prior to this week I have been preoccupied with my X and moving away...( i didnt realise id built so many walls) but he can feel a change.. crikey, im more deep in this than I knew!

 

Lets see how this goes!! I NEVER thought this would happen, but here we are again, been 'booty calling' for almost 6 months... time flies...

 

So tonight was a bit deep we talked and kissed and listened to a thunderstorm, and watched the light show from mother nature together.

It was kinda nice! we spent more time talking than usual

 

amazing what this site has done for me in such a short while..

 

XXXX to all!

[carhill]

When he tried his BS ways(shifting blame), I used to take it, but today I pulled him up, and said I wont accept any BS.

 

Ive a feeling we are really over, because I dont get butterflies when I think of him now...

And I dont want a stressed broke man back, thats why I left.

 

If he ever gets it together and gets a 'real' job...anyway..

 

All I know is I was having obsessive thoughts about what I missed, and now, even though I miss him, the mystery is gone, and im not tortured!!

 

I guess 6 months is long enough to gain perspective? Now theres a choice, and I could have him back...but, is it worth it, and would things be the same??? hmmmmm?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1909493&postcount=1

 

I envision rubber band. You're now back in the infatuation phase. There is a cycle to these things unless one or both parties breaks it. Tell me, how much real introspection and growth do you think either of you has done/realized in six months?

 

Yes, you like sex with him. Yes, you like cuddling and watching thunderstorms. News flash...this is normal human behavior. It's not indicative of a healthy or compatible relationship. It's merely one of many sexual/romantic attractions you'll feel in your lifetime. After 2 1/2 years, you do know whether you're compatible or not, right? Well, just some stuff to ponder.

 

You went from booty call to relationship in a day. What will tomorrow bring?

[LittleDove]

Okay...confusion time gets sticky now..oh gawd now this sounds BAD. Please dont hate me!

 

THAT post, wasnt about my 'booty' it was about my x the ego.. I have just , well 6 months ago, ended a crap abusive relationship.

I saw my the ego last week.

 

I have been sleeping with my 'booty' guy for 5 months, he is an X from 5 years ago, but not a serious relationship, it fizzled out and we have remained friends.

So when I got back to town after the BIG break up, we talked, and it led to the 'booty' situation.

I was detached from 'booty' and dealing with emotions about my break up...from ego the X.

Booty knew all about this..

 

My X knows I have been having a shagging relationship, he knows me, and how I seem to be able to detach emotions from sex, and although jealous, he knew it wasnt passionate love..

 

So thats the situation, and tonight booty became a little more than just booty...I guess hes my bf. A guy im seeing... who I adore, and am exculsive with. Im not sure about love yet. Theres something.

 

The ego has gone, as of yesterday, there will be NO MORE contact at all.

 

If you search me a little more, you will see 'the secrets out' and that explains the ego.

 

cheers, now im confused. no actually im having a good day, considering yesterdays dramas.

 

I admit my love lifes a mess. And with the ego X, yes I DID do soul searching, I knew what I would have changed to make things better. He didnt. He wont ever change.

[LittleDove]

Oh dear Carhill you must think im a complete whack job! im not I swear!

[carhill]

Nope, I'm the whack job.

 

All you are is the mirror. My advice comes from personal mistakes I've made in life and what I've learned from them.

 

OK, so we have two different guys here. My mistake.

 

Guess I need to do some more reading

[LittleDove]

Hey im whacky and I know it!

Im a student in the school of life, constantly learning.. always open to learn more..

understand people better, understand myself better.

Im in my 30's and thought things would be so different by now.

[sultry33]

Hey im whacky and I know it!

Im a student in the school of life, constantly learning.. always open to learn more..

understand people better, understand myself better.

Im in my 30's and thought things would be so different by now.

 

me too:laugh:

 

Just a question i have

do you think you have used your prev ex to get over your recent ex?

 

if so is it a rebound?

 

i have had a few encounters since the split but nothing serious even though i could have.. i still dont feel ready

for that step yet.

 

i need to meet a guy that rock my world;)

[LittleDove]

Hey sultry

 

I think in the start, I would see my 'booty' when I felt all emotional and messed up about my X.

He would give me advise...but we didnt talk about my X that much.

So yes in the begining, I know I went to him when my X turned his phone off, and was stringing me along..

 

(when we first broke up, I wanted to go back, and my X said he was SO hurt and SO raw that he just couldnt talk sometimes..it did not make sense. I later discovered he had been living with another woman, in my house, 2 weeks after I had left, it took me 2 months of lies to 'get' that one.)

 

Now, I dont think its a rebound thing..I see him alot more, and I guess over the months the talk of the X became less and less.

I dont live with my booty, I dont have a similar relationship with him, as I did my X..

I must stop refering to him as booty...

I think hes been a great comfort to me, and thats grown into 5 months of comforting, and thats become the guy I want to be close to...and I guess having no pressure has allowed him the space needed to want to open up more than he has in the past.

 

He did stay in contact with me while I had a full on relationship, he kept photos and notes. I thought it was sweet, although I never really returned any calls or txt for over 2 years. I wonder, was my booty call in love? or maybe never gave up?

We originally broke up because he couldnt open up, the age gap im 6 years older, and lack of communication... now he seems more, 'grown up' and at ease with his feelings.

 

Its not gut churning intense burning love, its a familiar beautiful guy who I think is very sweet and loving, who I am comfortable around, and who is bringing me 'back to me' after these two and a bit years away. Yes I do love him, ive known him ages and weve shared alot of great times. Hes honest and genuine, and hot.. hes also very complex. Hes not needy (mostly) and I have my space, no pressure...

 

Being in an abusive relationship really changed me im afraid of 'falling' afraid of being out of control in love...

 

Im giving as much as I can to booty...will begin to refer to, as bf?? :cool::confused:..thats how I feel about this right now!.LOL.

[markyboy1983]

After my ex gf broke up with me I felt rejected and unattractive.

 

So, I had myself a booty call, from a girls i've known for a long time. We never had intimate relations until the night i called her for "u know what."

 

Me and her both knew it was a one time thing and it was purely sexual. It actually helped me alot. I know it sounds like i was being a man-whore, but it made me feel real great.

 

Booty calls are good if both parties know that it is only a one (or 2 LOL) time thing, NSA.

 

In another related note, My ex found about about my late night encounter through mutual friends, and chaos ensued for that week, but that's another story.

 

The moral is booty calls are fine if both parties are in agreement that, thats all it is, NSA,.... oh yeah and make sure ur ex dosent find out either.

[wowIlose]

hah!

 

I would definitely make sure my ex knew about it. (assuming she dumped me.)

[sultry33]

;)lol yea i have had booty calls but not from same guy.

couple of exs.. weird huh..

as soon as they want ME .. im off

 

actually been a bad girl:laugh: one ex from 16yrs ago that encounter lasted 5 mins max:bunny: after night... months of flirting.

 

The other we just cuddled up all night an following day but i wont commit to anything more with him..

He was ex from 4yrs ago.

 

2 was weekend or more flings.

Im actually missing a proper rs.. just not met the right guy to have it with.

 

My son asked me if i have a bf by xmas...

I do feel lonely but not desperate yet...

[sultry33]

hah!

 

I would definitely make sure my ex knew about it. (assuming she dumped me.)

 

yea i feel like letting my ex know

[LittleDove]

Well im glad to see im not the only one who likes a bit of booty in between relationships!!

 

My egox knew about booty when we got together....and to make things even more interesting...I mentioned booty would txt me occasionally and I never hid it from egox. (unlike ego, I was open and honest)

 

Somy egox was devastated when I told him about booty being back in my life... HA! I think it was his worst fear.

 

Booty and I were good friends for a few years before I met egox. And tried a relationship way back in 03.

That didnt work, because 1. he moved in to my place, way too soon.2. he was not ready to be emotional, he was 25, and I was 31 and all I wanted was a baby and to marry....he wanted to party and have no responsibility.

 

Now hes wanting to buy a house and settle... and we are exclusive..eeek.

 

Im confident its not a rebound. I am really really scared of allowing myself to 'feel' too much.

Part of me is not ready for a bf, but I realise that 5 months of regular booty, has kind of changed things from casual, to ....this.

 

Its not 'full on'. We have just made it exculsive, and decided to make an effort to spend time doing things together, rather than just shag our brains out . hes also begun to send me goodnight and goodmorning txt messages...and called for no reason yesterday.. its nice. And its all im up for. And hes really really hot...and if I wanted to allow myself to, I could easily fall madly in love.... but im holding back, big time.

[sultry33]

Well im glad to see im not the only one who likes a bit of booty in between relationships!!

 

My egox knew about booty when we got together....and to make things even more interesting...I mentioned booty would txt me occasionally and I never hid it from egox. (unlike ego, I was open and honest)

 

Somy egox was devastated when I told him about booty being back in my life... HA! I think it was his worst fear.

 

Booty and I were good friends for a few years before I met egox. And tried a relationship way back in 03.

That didnt work, because 1. he moved in to my place, way too soon.2. he was not ready to be emotional, he was 25, and I was 31 and all I wanted was a baby and to marry....he wanted to party and have no responsibility.

 

Now hes wanting to buy a house and settle... and we are exclusive..eeek.

 

Im confident its not a rebound. I am really really scared of allowing myself to 'feel' too much.

Part of me is not ready for a bf, but I realise that 5 months of regular booty, has kind of changed things from casual, to ....this.

 

Its not 'full on'. We have just made it exculsive, and decided to make an effort to spend time doing things together, rather than just shag our brains out . hes also begun to send me goodnight and goodmorning txt messages...and called for no reason yesterday.. its nice. And its all im up for. And hes really really hot...and if I wanted to allow myself to, I could easily fall madly in love.... but im holding back, big time.

 

good for you;)

i think it will help you loads and great as he is hot too

fels good to get attention too huh

i like that:D

im on a man diet atm.. couple in the radar but im sick

man flu an all:p

 

im looking forward to new yrs eve.. lots of kisses

[LittleDove]

Ahem, I realised something tonight...I dont want to be in a relationship yet.

I am avoiding booty..

My phones off, and im going to bed. I am feeling kinda, smothered.

Hes far more into me, than I am him. Kissing is great when we are in the throws of passion...

This is complex, I dont know exactly why im holding back so much.

Yes im afraid of being hurt, and I even did a silly thing..last night, he didnt show up, when he said he would, and no call until today, when he said, he had lost his phone, and his car had broken down.

I said okay 'whatever' and hung up on him...it sounded WAY too familiar.

Big excuses, ive heard em all I thought... then, later today he called again and asked if I would please drive him to pick up his brothers car.

yes.. he was being honest, and I didnt believe him, and its because ive been lied to SO MUCH.

I apologised and hes okay with my outburst. He understands, but it isnt cool. And thats clear too.

He is honest, to a fault, and I knew that.

The minute im 'in a relationship' with something to loose, I freaked and expected he was the same behaviour as egox.

 

im damaged good now. all messed up by the abusive past.DAMMIT

 

I told booty this, and hes telling me hes ok to stick by me, he knew I was a mess(apparently I hadnt hidden things so well, or tried to)

 

Anyway, theres been no booty since we agreed to be exclusive!!

 

Something doesnt feel right. Emotionally, like im not ready...

oh well, if all I can offer is booty, at least its exclusive.