I'm so lost about him ..... hanging in the air

[allieapplesauce]

Sorry, I hope I'm not that girl that everything is thinking "there she goes again" but i need some new insight. If anyone knows at all what's been happening great. Otherwise this is basically it:

 

got screwed over by last bf. one day he's like i like you so much, i want you to be my gf, i hope you plan on sticking around cause im not letting you go. next thing i know, bam, gone and not even a real reason. i still dont know if its cause he is depressed or just stopped liking me. i dont think i did anything wrong...only thing i did was move out on my own from my parents....

 

this new guy he's been around since mid july. i think he was engaged like over a yr ago and she ended it. ok he seems pretty mature. he's only like a yr older than me. were like 26/27. he probably makes decent money, has a masters, seems like a go getter. he calls rather than texts for the most part. opens and closes the car door, and regular doors, has made me dinner. he does ask me to hang out. mostly we'll just watch some tv or movies, but periodically we'll go do errands and what not. it was my bday the other week nad he did text and tell me to call him when my parents left and he came over and got me a little gift. nothing romantic...took me to dinner. prob spent mabye 30-40 bucks or so total...he'll ask if i wanna come over and hang out. ive slept over a few times but nothings really happened. we've gotten to that making out point a couple times. took like 2 months for a kiss and i initiated that but the signs were so there it would be ok so i did. but here's my delimma:

 

there's been no real flirting, no compliments, etc. im kinda guilty of that too i guess...last week tho i slept over and there really wasnt even a kiss goodnight. i gave him a kiss but he didnt really respond. in the morning he did kinda hold me nad kiss my shoulder, etc but thats about it. he made coffee and we hung out a little before i left. he did ask me to go up shopping he had to pick a few things up but i had plans with som efriends. i did ask i i could come see him (he plays at a club as part of his job) and he said sure. he didnt really hesitate so im thinking he means it. he'll walk me out to my car and give me a hug and a quick kiss on the lips.

 

but like he's not really just calling to say hi. i know hes not a texter but he doesnt always really respond back to mine nad i dont really text him often but last night i said "just wanted to say good night. hope your having a good time" nad i havent heard anything.

 

3 days a week he has a local job and 1-2 days over the weekend he's out of town doing his other job. we hang out about 1-3 days a week, depending on if i stay over.

 

i dont know what to do! i feel so restless. it's the last db's fault. i was ok until he screwed me over i like him enough to keep it going if he is interested but i feel like i need more of a commitment. i dont know whether to call him my bf or just the guy im seeing. casual is ok i just would like to know he is interested or perhaps sees some potential. it doesnt have to get real serious right now, i just would really like to know where he stands. then i start thinking maybe hes wondering about me but i cant read minds.

 

i havent had enough experience to know what is normal. so im always wondering why he isnt calling. i just have no confidence with this. really, i swear im not needy. i just dont like having some closure. i guess i should just feel it. some ppl say if its right it should be easy but then they also say rs are hard...and the last one was easy and that didnt turn out right at all!

 

heres the thing i met him on a dating site so i would think he wouldnt pay for this stuff if he didnt want to meet someone. but i dont know if were just hang out friends or what. he doesnt seem like a player or as my coworker said at least hes not a dog so thats good. and he seems nice so she thinks he might just be taking it slow nad cautious and with the holidays he might be trying to keep it low key. she says i should just ask him whats up but im afraid i'll screw things up if i do, but i shouldnt feel so ****ty and restless and scared! i should feel excited and happy. im just scared hes not interested and that im not attractive or interesting enough.

 

i know its really impossible to know what he is thinking but generally, does it sound like its going down hill or should i say anything? or should i wait it out? or what can i do special?

 

thanks if you can give me some feedback, i'd perfer something positive but i'd rather have something honest!

[Lovelybird]

Hi, I've heard a pastor said: if a man get into your body, he gets under your skin. without commitment, no sex

 

Maybe this experience can serve a lesson.

 

I think it is better not to focus on this man for now. Try to do some other things to occupy your mind. When you live your life fully and happily, you may attract right man into your life.

 

Romantic Love life should be something rewarding, not something we depend our whole emotional being on it. Love makes us feel wonderful, alive; I like a poster said somewhere on LS, divide your love (didn't mean to divide romantic love that require faithfulness) to many channels, then this would make our life more rewarding

 

Please try to take your balance back people's emotions are complicated, maybe this man himself doesn't know what he feels about you, why waste time to figure it out? If it is meant to, it will be.

[allieapplesauce]

Hi, I've heard a pastor said: if a man get into your body, he gets under your skin. without commitment, no sex

 

Maybe this experience can serve a lesson.

 

yeah i agree with you. i havent had sex with him and i wont until he would say he wants a relationship and i meet his parents etc. and not just right after that either. i think thats something keeping me from not being completely attached. and i cant let myself get that emotionally involved. look how im already freaking out.

 

i know it should be something rewarding and i was happy at first but now i feel like i just analyze way too much and i think part of its my own stupid fault but i dont know how much is my gut feeling or just insecure.

 

i the last thing i did with him was he asked me to go shopping with him...when i left he gave hug and kiss and i said call me when u get back and he said ok. but nothing. i dont think just friends are asked to sleep over like that but i feel something missing recently.

 

Arent there any guys who could tell me what they think during the first several months of a relationship they're in? what r they looking for in the girl? if youre casually dating for 4 months, first kiss after 2 mo, you see each other a couple times a week, you've spent the night several times, but you're not really very intimate except a couple times, how often shoudl you been in touch when you're not seeing each other and stuff? i know this sounds weird but 1. why isnt he trying to have sex with me? is it b/c he respects me and wants something real or is he not attracted to me? i mean he is still with and so i would think he is...i feel like after the first kiss with any guy thats when they call it quits. am i doing something wrong? i feel like im a complete bore and such but i have several close girlfriends so i must not be that bad! but i never have luck with guys.

 

i just dont see why i didnt get a text yesterday in response to the one from the sun night. at least a how is your day. but boys can be stupid. i left a vm last night saying i just wanted to see how his weekend was stuff and was like i dont know if u have plans after work tomorrow if you wanna do something, let me know. ttyl. ......so basically if he doesnt call today then theres no excuse, strike 1. its noon, so shldnt i just get a text at least? i mean i dont know what to do. am i the only one that freaks out in relationships or is this normal for a girl. i feel like im in limbo and i dont know how to read the situation, please help.

[Lovelybird]

I think you should trust your gut feeling. Please don't force anything or yourself. If you don't feel comfort to move forward, don't push yourself just for the sake of "being in a relationship". Give yourself some time, change your mindset from 'what am I doing? Can I be enough for him? where did I do wrong' to quietly observation of his characters. Is he trustworthy? Is he stable? Is he honest? Is he always to do what he said he would do?

 

Almost every women or men experience this kind of freak-out, you are normal. Just through the process, you have to grow some patience, self-acceptance based on not man's approval or compliment. Here you are panicked, because that man didn't respond, and you began to doubt self, wonder where you did some severe crime that caused this situation. If you find out, probably you would be a cruel judge beating down yourself whole time. Please stop doing this. Dating should not be torture. sometimes couldn't help, but try not to. In the beginning if he responds well, and you like him, you just enjoy him. If he responds not so good, such as not answer your messages, then you have to slow yourself down. and enjoy other areas of your life. Obssessing why he still doesn't answer, where you did wrong, would cause unnecessary stress.

 

If a man already has intimate relationship with you, then he should call and check on you often, that is commitment. Otherwise he isn't worth the headache.

 

YOu asked what you should do? IMO you should wait, and not send any messages to him. If he answers you, fine; if he doesn't, you should try to move on with your life. None of your doing would change him. If a man likes you, no matter what you do, he still likes you; if a man doesn't like you, nothing you can do to change his feelings.

 

What a man need in a woman? about this just that man knows, sometimes that man doesn't know as well. There isn't a quick fix. But dating needs lot of patience and strength. It is a good thing if we can learn some from the experience no matter what the result turns out. Good luck.

[allieapplesauce]

Ok, so i still dont know what to think. can some guys help me here? its been a few weeks and it just doesnt seem like he is "there" its like he is distant. last thur he sent a text saying i could come over if i wanted but he didnt want me to get sick cause he was not feeling great. i went over for a couple hrs to watch our tv shows and i gave him a little card just goofy saying i hoped he felt better and gave it to him at the end and a hug and he said let me know when you get home so i snet a text when i got home and he never responded or said thanks for the card. i havent heard from him not a peep. i havent responded of my own.

 

i've talked about it to my friends, i feel bad for them, but they seem to think its not a big deal but i cant concentrate, eat, sleep, anything, i dont know if this is bad or not! my friends say that guy who are in bands and when they're not feeling well they tend to just shut the girl out first, and its usually temp until things calm down.

 

they say wait till after the holidays at least.

 

today is day 5 of No contact and we're at about 4 1/2 months in. is 5 days too long? i mean usualy we talked like once during hte week, a text here or there, and then we'd get together for 1-2 nights around the weekend.

 

we met on eharmony so i really thought that like we were both looking for the same thing. ive geen trying to keep myself calm and guarded so i wouldnt get too attched. i feel like he just wanted to meet someone to not be lonely when he moved back to his home town, doesnt seem like a lot of his friends live here. i feel kinda used. do u think so?

 

but i just dont know what to do. give him a week and if i still dont hear from him call and just find out if its over?

 

is he just fearful or can teaching and having finals coming up, and playing with his guys and stuff really cause him not to communicate for 5 days whatsoever? we're not 20. we're like 26/27.

 

what can you tell me about guys and behavior?