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For all you men out there who left a woman years ago - I have a question!

lofi_tokyo

By lofi_tokyo
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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lofi_tokyo Established Member

lofi_tokyo

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Okay, first off I am asking this question because I just finished reading Angel Wing Splash Pattern by Richard Van Camp for my Aboriginal Lit. Course, and in it the author has tucked in a love letter to an ex. Its beautiful!

 

The man is not asking for his ex back. He does not have any expectation of them every talking again, but the narrator takes a chance and writes his letter and publishes it. Its not clear if its Van Camp's own words or fiction. Personally, I think its sincere. Anyways to my point!

 

In it, the narrator explains that... he always loved his ex. Before all the fighting and hurt feelings, he loved her, and when she begged him to give her more emotion, more love, deeper feelings - he was - but she just could not see it and it shattered his heart. His ex was convinced he had checked out of the relationship, but he hadn't. Eventually, he could not deal with her constantly being hurt, and left her.

 

One of my bestfriends ex's says the same thing to her now, two years after he left her for another woman. He just couldn't show his love for her in the way she needed, and it hurt him, and he knew it was hurting her, so he moved on.

Another friend of mine broke up with his ex for the same reason. He got tired of his ex's constant needs that he could not satisfy, and though he loved her dearly, he forced himself to move on and date other woman because he did not know what else to do but move on.

 

My question to all of you men who have had to leave someone you once loved is:

Do these stories relate to you at all? How often does love just not workout because the two people in a relationship cannot find a meeting ground for love?

 

In Van Camp's letter, he mentions how the breakup ended badly, both parties were angry and there was a lot of negative emotions on both ends.

 

Still, I find it both tragic and yet beautiful that love for someone can actually lead to a breakup.

 

Anyways! I'd love to hear from anyone who can tell me if they've had experiences with this. I guess thats part of saying goodbye, huh? You love someone, but things arnt working, so you have to let go.

Brimstone_Angel Established Member

Brimstone_Angel

Posted
Posted

I sent an email to the woman who came closest to being my wife a few months ago hoping she I and could reconnect. I love this woman like no woman I have ever loved nor I have found to love like that yet. If there was ever a woman that was my soulmate, its my Sweetness.

Faded Member

Faded

Posted
Posted

I can relate.

 

But I work as an EMT/Firefighter.. There's times I work 42+hour shifts - My job is demanding. I loved her to death, But she wanted more than I could give.

 

Seeing what I do(can imagine what kinda stuff I see..) and coming home from a rough day at work to an upset girlfriend because she wants more time with me wasn't easy. I let her go. I wanted her to be happy. I still wonder how she is, But I did move on.

BattleCat New Member

BattleCat

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Posted

This is similar to my scenario with my ex. He dumped me with the reasoning that he didn't think he could make me happy. He "loved me and adored me, blah blah blah". He loved me "so much" he let me go (DUMPED me) so he wouldn't hold me or himself back from finding "true" love. (Basically, we would argue about him contacting girls very flirty, ex's... friends, whoever... and it hurt my feelings and I would tell him that - but he said I was insecure and there's nothing wrong with his actions, 'cause he wasn't "doing" anything. When, long-n-short... his actions hurt me! Whether they were vindictive or harmless... I just needed reassurance and I would've shut up. I'm rational! But he gave me no comfort, he didn't want to.)

 

The reality of the matter, that I'm slowly realizing, is that if he TRULY loved me, he would fight against all odds to be with me and make it work. I 100% do not believe that if something doesn't work, there's no hope in fixing it. If you put enough time and effort into something, you can make it function. No, you may not know how to build a rocket, but if you read the manuals and talk to scientists, go to school and have the DRIVE and PASSION, you can figure it out - and when you do it'll be more rewarding that you could imagine. Imagine building a ROCKET! Amazing.

 

I think the love letter that author wrote is a total cop-out. The author is weak, and lazy and doesn't know the true meaning of hard work and dedication. It sounds like he never hit any roadblocks in his life, and doesn't know what the hell to do when he does. He has no survival tactics in life, and I'm sure this rings true far past his love life and into his individual self too.

 

A week later my ex was sleeping with a girl he just met. (I know because I saw the girl leaving comments on his myspace page saying "how great it was to watch the sunrise with him while wearing his clothes" -- UGH!!! GAH! Anyways...) so I of course broke the NC rules and called to ask about her and he told me it was true and that he's actually seen other girls too. And he's moving on and he wants me to too. Because he "still loved me and adored me and I deserve it blah blah blah." Since then I never contacted. Neither did he.

 

I do have faith in some men. VERY few... at this point. But there is a very VERY large majority of people who honestly just don't care. They have no conscious. They have no guilt. No heart. They're empty, self-serving people who REAL people need to stay far FAR away from. Because they use you, they use your kindness and goodness and suck it out of you - just in an attempt to be a fraction as good as you are. And they'll never EVER live up to the person that you are. And they know this. And it makes them insecure. And they run. They want to take the easiest road. Even if the rocky road may have a better ending, they take the easy road. They don't care. The less work the better.

 

They have no drive. No passion. And that will never change. We have to find people with passion. They're out there. I know it. Find your scientist! Build your rocket...

Ingenue Established Member

Ingenue

Posted
Posted
I do have faith in some men. VERY few... at this point. But there is a very VERY large majority of people who honestly just don't care. They have no conscious. They have no guilt. No heart. They're empty, self-serving people who REAL people need to stay far FAR away from. Because they use you, they use your kindness and goodness and suck it out of you - just in an attempt to be a fraction as good as you are. And they'll never EVER live up to the person that you are. And they know this. And it makes them insecure. And they run. They want to take the easiest road. Even if the rocky road may have a better ending, they take the easy road. They don't care. The less work the better.

 

They have no drive. No passion. And that will never change. We have to find people with passion. They're out there. I know it. Find your scientist! Build your rocket...

 

I have to agree with this. Some individuals are self-centred, selfish folks who can't think of anything but themselves and how to satisfy their own needs. I can completely understand selfishness to an extent. We are all selfish creatures. However, to conduct oneself in a manner that cares little about the feelings, desires or wishes of other human beings carries little honour in such actions. There is something to be said for conducting oneself with dignity, grace and consideration for others. Sadly for some, this is simply impossible.

BCCA Established Member

BCCA

Posted
Posted
This is similar to my scenario with my ex. He dumped me with the reasoning that he didn't think he could make me happy. He "loved me and adored me, blah blah blah". He loved me "so much" he let me go (DUMPED me) so he wouldn't hold me or himself back from finding "true" love. (Basically, we would argue about him contacting girls very flirty, ex's... friends, whoever... and it hurt my feelings and I would tell him that - but he said I was insecure and there's nothing wrong with his actions, 'cause he wasn't "doing" anything. When, long-n-short... his actions hurt me! Whether they were vindictive or harmless... I just needed reassurance and I would've shut up. I'm rational! But he gave me no comfort, he didn't want to.)

 

The reality of the matter, that I'm slowly realizing, is that if he TRULY loved me, he would fight against all odds to be with me and make it work. I 100% do not believe that if something doesn't work, there's no hope in fixing it. If you put enough time and effort into something, you can make it function. No, you may not know how to build a rocket, but if you read the manuals and talk to scientists, go to school and have the DRIVE and PASSION, you can figure it out - and when you do it'll be more rewarding that you could imagine. Imagine building a ROCKET! Amazing.

 

I think the love letter that author wrote is a total cop-out. The author is weak, and lazy and doesn't know the true meaning of hard work and dedication. It sounds like he never hit any roadblocks in his life, and doesn't know what the hell to do when he does. He has no survival tactics in life, and I'm sure this rings true far past his love life and into his individual self too.

 

A week later my ex was sleeping with a girl he just met. (I know because I saw the girl leaving comments on his myspace page saying "how great it was to watch the sunrise with him while wearing his clothes" -- UGH!!! GAH! Anyways...) so I of course broke the NC rules and called to ask about her and he told me it was true and that he's actually seen other girls too. And he's moving on and he wants me to too. Because he "still loved me and adored me and I deserve it blah blah blah." Since then I never contacted. Neither did he.

 

I do have faith in some men. VERY few... at this point. But there is a very VERY large majority of people who honestly just don't care. They have no conscious. They have no guilt. No heart. They're empty, self-serving people who REAL people need to stay far FAR away from. Because they use you, they use your kindness and goodness and suck it out of you - just in an attempt to be a fraction as good as you are. And they'll never EVER live up to the person that you are. And they know this. And it makes them insecure. And they run. They want to take the easiest road. Even if the rocky road may have a better ending, they take the easy road. They don't care. The less work the better.

 

They have no drive. No passion. And that will never change. We have to find people with passion. They're out there. I know it. Find your scientist! Build your rocket...

 

 

I completely agree.

Zapbasket Established Member

Zapbasket

Posted
Posted
This is similar to my scenario with my ex. He dumped me with the reasoning that he didn't think he could make me happy. He "loved me and adored me, blah blah blah". He loved me "so much" he let me go (DUMPED me) so he wouldn't hold me or himself back from finding "true" love. (Basically, we would argue about him contacting girls very flirty, ex's... friends, whoever... and it hurt my feelings and I would tell him that - but he said I was insecure and there's nothing wrong with his actions, 'cause he wasn't "doing" anything. When, long-n-short... his actions hurt me! Whether they were vindictive or harmless... I just needed reassurance and I would've shut up. I'm rational! But he gave me no comfort, he didn't want to.)

 

The reality of the matter, that I'm slowly realizing, is that if he TRULY loved me, he would fight against all odds to be with me and make it work. I 100% do not believe that if something doesn't work, there's no hope in fixing it. If you put enough time and effort into something, you can make it function. No, you may not know how to build a rocket, but if you read the manuals and talk to scientists, go to school and have the DRIVE and PASSION, you can figure it out - and when you do it'll be more rewarding that you could imagine. Imagine building a ROCKET! Amazing.

 

I think the love letter that author wrote is a total cop-out. The author is weak, and lazy and doesn't know the true meaning of hard work and dedication. It sounds like he never hit any roadblocks in his life, and doesn't know what the hell to do when he does. He has no survival tactics in life, and I'm sure this rings true far past his love life and into his individual self too.

 

A week later my ex was sleeping with a girl he just met. (I know because I saw the girl leaving comments on his myspace page saying "how great it was to watch the sunrise with him while wearing his clothes" -- UGH!!! GAH! Anyways...) so I of course broke the NC rules and called to ask about her and he told me it was true and that he's actually seen other girls too. And he's moving on and he wants me to too. Because he "still loved me and adored me and I deserve it blah blah blah." Since then I never contacted. Neither did he.

 

I do have faith in some men. VERY few... at this point. But there is a very VERY large majority of people who honestly just don't care. They have no conscious. They have no guilt. No heart. They're empty, self-serving people who REAL people need to stay far FAR away from. Because they use you, they use your kindness and goodness and suck it out of you - just in an attempt to be a fraction as good as you are. And they'll never EVER live up to the person that you are. And they know this. And it makes them insecure. And they run. They want to take the easiest road. Even if the rocky road may have a better ending, they take the easy road. They don't care. The less work the better.

 

They have no drive. No passion. And that will never change. We have to find people with passion. They're out there. I know it. Find your scientist! Build your rocket...

 

Absolutely brilliant! And I agree 100%. You basically spot-on described my ex.

Angel1111 Established Member

Angel1111

Posted
Posted
I sent an email to the woman who came closest to being my wife a few months ago hoping she I and could reconnect. I love this woman like no woman I have ever loved nor I have found to love like that yet. If there was ever a woman that was my soulmate, its my Sweetness.

 

Brimstone, did she ever respond to your email?

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lofi_tokyo Established Member

lofi_tokyo

Posted
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You know Battle Cat, despite everyone agreeing with you, I don't know if I do!

 

My one friend who I'll call "L", yeah maybe when he ended things with his ex, he was not as "in love" with her as a good guy who stays through thick and thin should be - but we're all human, if his loved one is being completely self-destructive, is it really his duty to hold onto her forever? I think no matter how much he loved her, eventually her behavior convinced him breaking up with her was his only option at being happy.

 

Is he selfish because he chose to pursue his own happiness? I don't think so, not entirely. If the relationship was breaking him more and more each day, and no matter how much he loved the woman she tore him down, then I think he had the right to walk away and not be called selfish. In some ways, I think calling ex's who go after their own needs selfish is selfish! Its not really fair to expect someone to stay with you and be good to you if their needs are not being met.

 

Trust me, I have seen "L" cry and cry and cry over this girl. She did not want the break up, but every time he tries to work things out with her, she behaves in a manner that hurts him. He has given all he can to make it work, and occasionally goes back and keeps trying, his ex tries too, but she really acts quite bizzare.

 

 

Anyways. I understand some people say "I love you" then take the easy way out. My ex did that. Hes dating a new girl because there are no issues to sort out with her. How much did he love me? Who knows. I believe he loved me enough to keep trying to an extent until he came to his own conclusion that as long as I was so far away (a different country even), him and I would keep bickering about small things. He found someone easier to date and went for her. It hurts, it stings, but all the same, I don't blame him. The relationship, when we were together, was hard on me too!

BKLovesWho Member

BKLovesWho

Posted
Posted

I am still deeply in love with my ex. She broke my heart when I was 17 and it was one of those life altering moments. We got back together in our early 20s. She had finished her Masters degree and I was stuck in the service. I was on autopilot basking in the glow of her presence when she brought up that painful memory of the first breakup. It went down in flames from there I was stunned how quickly the hurt came back. I wanted to trust to tell her I loved her with all my heart mind and soul but I was betrayed by my brain. I said all the wrong things. It was as if I was not in control of myself. Like I was watching through my eyes in disbelief at what Iwas saying. It's 20 plus years later and I still think of her every waking moment and dream about her every night. I ran away to war hoping to get myself killed; no such luck. Now that I am still alive I am at a loss. I am not suppose to be here. I contacted her by email about a year and a half ago and found out she waited close to eight years for me to come back. I didn't know I was staying out of the country fighting where ever I could. She gave up waiting, compromised, married, and had a daughter. I can't change the past I would if I could. All I want is to be able to know she is still in this world. Just a few words every couple of years until I have to go and burn in hell for what I gave up. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

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lofi_tokyo Established Member

lofi_tokyo

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I am still deeply in love with my ex. She broke my heart when I was 17 and it was one of those life altering moments. We got back together in our early 20s. She had finished her Masters degree and I was stuck in the service. I was on autopilot basking in the glow of her presence when she brought up that painful memory of the first breakup. It went down in flames from there I was stunned how quickly the hurt came back. I wanted to trust to tell her I loved her with all my heart mind and soul but I was betrayed by my brain. I said all the wrong things. It was as if I was not in control of myself. Like I was watching through my eyes in disbelief at what Iwas saying. It's 20 plus years later and I still think of her every waking moment and dream about her every night. I ran away to war hoping to get myself killed; no such luck. Now that I am still alive I am at a loss. I am not suppose to be here. I contacted her by email about a year and a half ago and found out she waited close to eight years for me to come back. I didn't know I was staying out of the country fighting where ever I could. She gave up waiting, compromised, married, and had a daughter. I can't change the past I would if I could. All I want is to be able to know she is still in this world. Just a few words every couple of years until I have to go and burn in hell for what I gave up. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

 

That is so tragic BK. I am sorry for all that hurt you've felt. You ran away to be killed, but you lived. You are supposed to be here. For whatever reason, God wants you around a bit longer. I don't think its to hurt you. Maybe, even if you feel like your life will never be okay, you will change someone elses life for the better. You never know.

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