prettybaby Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I need your help guys. I'm dying to get back in touch with an old crush, but I can't wrap my head around the best way to do so. ----------Background story: He was one of my teachers in high school (the age difference isn't outrageous; maybe about 12 years or so). I spent my last year there flirting with him, and he would stare at me so much and he initiated contact pretty often. He literally took my breath away. We used to text each other like crazy outside of school hours, but then I graduated and we slowly lost touch afterwards. I think the last time we talked was when I started my second year in college, and then I moved abroad. We never dated or anything, it never crossed the limits so to speak. Anyway. There was something about him. It's about 7 years later now, and I haven't met anybody I felt so intense about since. I've dated several guys, even got married once, and now that I'm back to being single again, I just wanna see him again. I want to know if maybe there was something really special that we didn't go for back then because of circumstances, you know? Things are so different now. I'm standing on my own feet and got my life running. I'm not really disappointed nothing happened back then; I think we both realized it would have been weird at the time. Which I guess is part of the reason neither of us really pursued it. Now I feel like the time might be right; I wanna get back in touch and I'm really not sure how. I have his e-mail address which is listed on the school website (so it's not a personal one). I also have the phone number he had back then (not sure it's still valid). And uhm yeah, that's about it. I live right near the school actually and pass there once in a while, but haven't actually bumped into him just yet. Still secretly hoping for that to happen. ----------What do you guys think? What should I do? It's been so long. I'm thinking a phone call would be totally awkward and then what do I do if the number no longer works? :-S lol PS: he was single back then, and I *think* he's still single now from what I heard. PSS: he's not on myspace or facebook or any social networking site.
purplewitch Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Wow! That's a long standing crush! Well, I don't think phoning is awkward at all. If you get the wrong number just say sorry and hang up. If he's there... you can hit him with.. 'Hey, voice from the past.. this is 'your name'... I was thinking of you and wondered if I could take you out for coffee to catch up on our lives. ' That's completely free of any weird messages if you find out later he is in a serious relationship! Otherwise... you could go to the school and see if you can find him there I suppose. But I think phoning is the most polite way to approach him!
Author prettybaby Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 Yeah, I really wouldn't walk up to the school and hunt him down there lol That would be weird! I'm still feeling iffy about calling. I don't know how that would be perceived ... out of the blue, 7 years later ... And he'd basically have the upper hand from the start. If I call, even for a simple coffee, my true feelings and intentions will be crystal clear and that type of attitude has never really worked for me. I tend to get guys much more easily when I casually drop subtle hints and basically don't care too much Such a paradox. Also, this situation is very different from anything I've been through before. This is someone I haven't seen in forever, and I really can't expect him to jump out of his house and come running to me lol We didn't lose contact on a bad note or anything, but still, he might have tons of other things on his mind at the moment, and hardly even remember me. Who knows. Mehh. I hate this. And e-mails suck, so that's hardly an option. I guess I just need to come up with a good conversation strategy if I do end up calling. It seems so tricky :-S I don't wanna blow this. How about sending a text message? We used to spend hours texting before lol Then get the convo going and call after a certain point? Would that be cool or bad idea?
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 You're a complete fantasist. There's nothing to actually blow here. Send a text and see what happens.
Author prettybaby Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 You're a complete fantasist. There's nothing to actually blow here. Well there is. I mean, I basically have one shot. If I don't do this right and that he doesn't respond, or that he does and feels awkward, or that for whatever reason he decides that he can't be bothered to meet me again, I won't have a second chance. Because if I contact him again after that, it will come across really desperate and everybody knows that desperate = unattractive (and most likely annoying too). I don't know. Unless guys can come in here and give me their two cents; I personally don't think they'd be too impressed by a woman who makes a first step. Then a second. Then a third. So yeah, it's a one shot deal. Hence me carefully weighing my options before I make a move. Plus I don't know if the fact that he kind of liked me back then is now an advantage or a disadvantage.
purplewitch Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Well, I don't think guys hate it when women make the first move. But that's my opinion! I would still go with the phone method. And it probably won't be the big deal it is in your mind. Yes, have a couple of things ready to ask him. Like... what's different for you in 7 years. How is teaching going? Do you still love it? That sort of thing. Keep it rolling by asking him questions. That will hide any nervousness you might feel. As for 'one shot'... well, if it doesn't go anywhere after a phone call, then it simply wasn't 'meant to'. Life leads us down many paths. But you won't know what's there unless you actually walk down one of them! Good luck. Keep us posted.
Author prettybaby Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 ^^ thanks purplewitch! Any cons about texting first instead of calling right away? I feel like it would be less intrusive and could always lead to a phone call afterwards.
Author prettybaby Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 ^^ That's very interesting!! Were you the one who initiated contact? How did you do it?
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 I don't know. Unless guys can come in here and give me their two cents; I personally don't think they'd be too impressed by a woman who makes a first step. Then a second. Then a third. I can only speak for me. Not only am I impressed by it, I'm always particularly keen when it happens. Every woman that has done this to me has been very successful - no fear of risk or being rejected or what the norm is. Totally my type. Might not be for other men though.
Author prettybaby Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 ^^ Oh, I thought you were a girl for some reason lol sorry. Okay, thanks for your input
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 ^^ Oh, I thought you were a girl for some reason Yeah cheers bud
Author prettybaby Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 ^^ lol Gahh, I think I'm gonna go for the text message. Eeeek
carhill Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Phone is better, IMO. Got a call like that about 18 months ago after a 14 year silence. I heard "hello" and knew instantly who it was. Nice friendship has ensued. Life is an adventure
Author prettybaby Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 I don't think he's the type to really enjoy phone conversations all that much though ... which is why I'm hesitant. Especially if it's totally unexpected like this. I don't wanna catch him off guard and then have that awkward vibe. A text can always lead to a phone conversation. That would be more relaxed & casual, right? Just checking with you guys before I do this lol Hold my hand plz PS: whatever happened to the poster who wrote about being in a similar situation yesterday?? Her posts have totally disappeared. Weird!
amiracle Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I sent an email to an old flame- he replied within a few hours- was extremely happy to hear from me. Within 2 days we had a long video conversation. We had not seen each other in over 20 years! He is coming to see me in a couple of weeks, even though it is a 7 hr. flight for him. I did not expect us both to be single, still fit and that he would immediately remember me! I just wanted to say hello and hoped he was doing really well. I never expected this outcome! Email seemed perfect, since you can be very neutral and still very friendly. It leaves lots of freedom for the person to respond to you without feeling any obligation to answer immediately. Worked for me! Good luck!! Just try something soon or you will go crazy thinking about this. Just do it!!
carhill Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I'm a guy and I'm telling you to call. If you meant anything to him, he'll have a good feeling about hearing your voice, regardless of his situation. Honestly, do you really want to invest your time and emotion (even in this limited way) on someone who's that delicate that you can't even call him? I'm delicate and I'm telling you a phone call will send your clear intent. Now, me, I'd be scared to death to do it (make the call)
Author prettybaby Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 omg omg I sent him a text and he responded and then he called me and wants to meet up with me
carhill Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Oh, boy, do I remember that feeling well.... Best wishes
2sure Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Like another poster said...it is so very cool to meet up with old crush, especially since the attraction was mutual! Years later, to both be still single and still interested ...good for you!
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