travelgirl Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 My husband has really been trying and went ahead and booked a MC for us at the end of the week. I looked her up online and she has IMAGO training. I didn't know what this was so I googled it and as surprised how much is out there, it was even on Oprah. So has anyone been to a MC that used these techniques before. My husband had an EA and we are both aggressively trying to work and save our marriage. I just didn't know before going in there if I should be prepared for something different then the norm? If there are pros or cons to this type of "healing." especially when it has to do with infidelity, even if wasn't a physical affair. Thanks
Owl Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I have no idea what that is... The most successful "plan" or "method" I know of for recovering a marriage from the damages of infidelity would be the marriagebuilders methodology. Take a look at the free material on their website...but AVOID THE FORUM. You might also take a look at a couple of books: "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs/Her Needs" by Dr Harley. "The Five Love Languages" "Not Just Friends"
angie2443 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 My husband has really been trying and went ahead and booked a MC for us at the end of the week. I looked her up online and she has IMAGO training. I didn't know what this was so I googled it and as surprised how much is out there, it was even on Oprah. So has anyone been to a MC that used these techniques before. My husband had an EA and we are both aggressively trying to work and save our marriage. I just didn't know before going in there if I should be prepared for something different then the norm? If there are pros or cons to this type of "healing." especially when it has to do with infidelity, even if wasn't a physical affair. Thanks My husband had what I considered to be an EA. He still doesn't understand where I'm comming from. Anyways, we went to MC and looked briefly at child hood issues and tried to discover where the other person was comming. It did us no good. I really wish that we would have went to a MC who used John Gottman's plan or maybe one who used a plan simular to the one used in MarriageBuilders.com (I've never looked over this sight but have seen it recommended over and over). I think this would have helped much better than trying to understand our feelings about things. I read a little of the IMAGO training. I don't think it would have helped us, but who knows. Maybe it can work wonders. Good luck with it. I forgot to say, traditional MC apparently has a less than great rate of success. Trying something new might help much more.
Author travelgirl Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Owl, I have been thru marriagebuilders a ton and it has been helpful for both of us. On my initial posting, I went into all that. I wish he had a listing of counselors that followed his rules but he doesn't. My husband found this counselor on some Marriage Friendly Therapist website. I think he is nervous a MC will tell me, he is a horrible H and to leave him. By the way, I have looked at a lot of your posts and they have been very helpful to me. Thank you. Angie, my individual therapist gave me "Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship." My husband has been reading that now after I looked at it and it truly made him realize how damaging an EA is to a marriage, even if you think it is innocent. I suggest it for your husband.
RobertLS Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Hi TravelGirl, my wife and I, same situation as you -- me an EA. We went to an IMAGO MC, but it was my first time in affair counseling and I can't really tell you the difference between IMAGO and non-IMAGO. The MC WAS very helpful in getting us to uncover the why's of our situation. Not quite as helpful in recovering the relationship (more my fault than hers however). She was referred to us by Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth." I don't know why that book is never (rarely?) mentioned on these forums. Of the many books my wife and I have read lately, we both agree that it is easily the best one we've found. Peggy also founded BAN, which I've heard good things about, but haven't experienced personally. Something you might want to look into. Good luck w/ counseling!
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