Six months and not healing

[Eyeofthoth]

I miss him just as much as ever.

 

This is terrible.

[Eyeofthoth]

Thank you T Laurence.

 

I am a she, by the way, so it is a he that I am missing.

 

One of the best things about LS for me has been that I have actually seen that men can have feelings for lost loves just as deep as women can.

 

So thank you for that also.

 

I have been in contact maybe four or five times since the break-up in early June (wait, that makes it only a little over 5 months, actually, not 6, so I miscounted . . .)

 

Every time I have spoken to him since the break-up I have been left with the certainty that he still loves me. However, he broke up with me due to unresolved feelings about an ex, which arose in the midst of what I will call "technical difficulties" the two of us were facing in bringing our lives together further. The technical difficulties are really workable, but he found them daunting, and I think that is why, subconsciously, he let the feelings for the ex resurface. He is currently seeing said ex, which is like a dagger through the heart for me, of course.

 

I initiated no contact after the last time, which was the only time I have actually seen him in person, and it has been about a month since then.

 

And after I saw him that time I had a feeling of peace -- it came from the knowledge that he still loved me but that he also had things to work out, so I was just going to leave him to work it all out and go on with my own life . . .

 

That peaceful feeling lasted about a week and since then I have had this anguish building up stronger and stronger.

 

I just miss him so much. I was really happy with him and that was such a rare thing for me.

 

I am not young, I have had a lot of other relationships, but I don't think I was ever this happy in a relationship before, so . . .

[Eyeofthoth]

"The point of this post though is that after that 8th month, the tears really dried up and I saw a new me. Someone so strong, so INSANELY strong that it made the old me look like not EVEN a shadow. maybe an insect in comparison."

 

Also wanted to say that this is really inspirational and absolutely what I am aiming for myself.

[L-FUZZ]

Eyeofthoth

sorry how your feeling

and i know exactly how you feel... its been 5 months since my break,, 4 months no contact.. and yet everyday i wake up thinking of him... missing him... wishing i could go back to the times it was great.. all this and he even cheated on me apparently,,as he told me after he broke up with me..

 

and i still miss him..i just want a big hug from him to take this pain in my heart away... but i guess that is ironic since he put the pain there,,,

 

thanks T laurence

 

your post does give me hope,,, but somedays it seems im not much further along from the second month.. maybe that will be the miracle of the 7th month,,

[pushforward]

Hi,

 

I feel for you. I'm right here in the trenches too. Missing her like no tomorrow. Unfortunately, healing isn't always linear. Time isn't the healer. It's what you do with that time, that heals. What have you been up to? Did you grieve properly? Have you been going out? Made improvements in your social life?

 

How are you improving your life?

[Eyeofthoth]

Pushforward --

 

I have followed the book on life improvement, or at least I like to think so. I have taken good physical care of myself, gotten social support, seen my therapist, dated about 15 guys since the break-up -- mostly just coffee dates to distract myself. I know I'm not ready for another relationship, and frankly it was depressing how I didn't really like anyone I met --

 

Some things about my life situation are difficult and I know this doesn't help matters. It contributed to the break-up, and it is also contributing to me healing from the break-up. My teenage son had major problems for a few years and although he is coming out of this now and things are much better, a result of this is that my career is in the garbage can because I had to stay home and deal with all his trauma. His dad moved out almost 3 years ago and they do not get along at all, so I was left holding all of that together and it took a big toll on me.

 

I just have a lot to recover from. The break-up is the worst though. I felt like I could handle everything when I had him in my life, now it is like slogging through quicksand every single day.

[Eyeofthoth]

T Laurence --

 

I would love to come over! We could all have a party and cry on each shoulders, get drunk, be stupid, sounds great . . .

[Eyeofthoth]

Oh -- pushforward is a guy. All the better, now we are balanced

[hereandnow]

I really feel for ya'll. I'm just starting my 4th week post breakup with my ex gf, so I'm not sure how to take these posts about the hurt lasting months.

 

And T Laurence, man, that pic you posted, saw a lot of myself in that. That's the same look I've had since the breakup. Classic!

[L-FUZZ]

alright a party at T laurance... im coming to!!

[Eyeofthoth]

L-FUZZ

 

If I have tallied correctly, the guys at this party are now outnumbering the girls!

 

Nice pic T-Laurence. I don't have any of me on this computer, but maybe later . . .

 

On a more sober topic:

 

This whole thing about allowing oneself to grieve is interesting to me. It seems to me that my ex has avoided this whole thing by jumping right from me back to his former ex. . . and that by the way, that happened because he never allowed himself to grieve fully for the demise of that relationship. They were on and off for about a year and then totally off for just a couple of months before he met me.

 

How does this pan out? Does he get to never grieve for anyone just by jumping back and forth? Or will it all catch up with him at some point?

 

He did have tears in his eyes when he hugged me last time. I felt like I was comforting him. How crazy is that when he was the one who broke my heart. . .

[CandyGirlXO]

LOL! anyone wanna post pics?

 

ill post mine for fun. i know we're all just messin round. but it would be awesome!

 

 

... newest pic i have lol.................................. after the breakup. (novemebr 4th)

 

 

 

Cute! Where do you live?

 

I still cry over an ex from 5 years ago and I've had other serious relationships since him.

[L-FUZZ]

hah hah Great!! sounds like you and i are gonna have fun at this party!

you know i dont know how to add a picture on here.. ?? ohwell

T-laurence nice pic!

 

back to the sober talk

 

yeah.. that is a little curious when people jump from one to another so fast.

yes they do it to protect themselves from pain..most the time..

 

i do believe that it will catch up to them.. but who knows how,,or when..

 

it seems he never got over hix ex.. and being out of a relationship for only two months and then getting into another serious one,, is not enough time to get over someone.. but then again it depends on how long he was with his ex and how long he was with you?? ..

 

sounds like eventually he is going to repeat his pattern, back to you..

 

i have know idea if my ex is dating,or if he left me for the one he cheated with. i have not talked to him since he broke up with me,, and he said he would talk to me in six months...i guess i will find out then .. if he does contact me like he said. im really curious if he will.. but i have another month and ahalf..to find out.

[L-FUZZ]

your cute T laurence!

yeah that's a good picture;)

you live kinda far for this party,, i live in NYC.. id post a pic but seriously how do you do it on this forum?

[pushforward]

Unfortunately, some people just leap frog from one relationship to another. Hoping it will make them happy and instead of facing their own problems.

 

They may one day recognize this issue or keep the vicious cycle going. Regardless of what happens, it doesn't matter. What matters is for you to heal. Stay away from serious relationships until you are ready. Which you already recognize and that is great.

 

This is the time for you to find yourself. Date with no expectations, just have a good time and enjoy the moment. You've been through a lot. Time to just let it out and have fun.

 

Stop worrying so much about what your ex is doing. Start worrying about what you're doing. It's emotionally draining loving somebody who doesn't want you, who doesn't need you, who isn't there for you. I know because I still am doing that.

 

my myspace for those of you curious as to who i am and what i look like...

me

 

i don't have anything recent, trying to stay away from myspace. the other day i was browsing an old friend, was not looking for her, apparently they are friends. (i had no idea) and i felt like i got kicked in my stomach. heart just dropped, had an anxiety attack and fought it off. almost up to 4 weeks of the strictest NC ever. cutting her out of my life and rejecting the rejector. i deserve better and will get it. believe it!

[EmperorR]

it's been almost sixty days nc for me and I still miss my ex every morning I wake up she is in my mind. Even though she cheated on me and treated me like Crap I can't lie I still love her and want her back.

 

And I hate myself for it, but I'll continue no contact

[pushforward]

it's been almost sixty days nc for me and I still miss my ex every morning I wake up she is in my mind. Even though she cheated on me and treated me like Crap I can't lie I still love her and want her back.

 

And I hate myself for it, but I'll continue no contact

 

 

Don't hate yourself. That's called being human. Accept the fact you love her and always will. Just move on with your life. I know it's hard. I'm in the trenches with you buddy. Know it gets better and you are stronger than me! I'm barely at 4 weeks super strict NC.

 

Just give it time. Reality will set in and you will realize she messed up. She broke you heart. She doesn't deserve you, or your love. You deserve better. Rise above this and be rewarded. Work on yourself and let love find you. Never force anything. Life will always work out. So long as you keep strong and keep your head up.

[L-FUZZ]

http://www.tinypic.ws/download.php?file=yeqvd5ew7p0qal5teghe.jpg

if this works and i did it right.. this is me!

 

anyway if it doesnt then ohwell,, i tried..

 

EmperorR

my ex cheated to and i still love him... its hard to move on, really it is,,

 

anyways thanks Pushforward that to is great advice.. thou it is a constant struggle to move forward,, it is ABOUT EXCEPTING THE SITUATION FOR WHAT IT IS.. and then sigh and yes maybe one day we will get to have those feeling again for someone new..

 

hoo humm

[Eyeofthoth]

Well I'm not sure this will work, but here:

 

 

[Eyeofthoth]

Pretty pic Fuzz

 

You said,

 

"EmperorR

my ex cheated to and i still love him... its hard to move on, really it is,,"

 

Crazy huh?

 

I like what you said about wanting a hug from him to ease the pain -- how that would work even though he caused the pain.

 

Mine didn't cheat, but leaving me for an ex -- that is terrible betrayal too.

 

And the hug from him does work to ease the pain. I know, because a month ago I tried it and it worked great.

 

Temporary relief though . . .

 

I need something stronger than that.

[Eyeofthoth]

"Accept the fact you love her and always will."

 

This has helped me a lot, actually. I get nothing from anger or hatred.

 

I gave my whole heart and that took enormous courage.

 

He didn't have that much courage, which is sad for him. He has lost something amazing and he knows it.

 

But moving the focus to myself is essential. I know this.

 

My NC count is 33 days today. I'm going to keep it strong. It's the best thing.

[L-FUZZ]

wow im pretty bad at making that stuff work for me.. hah!

 

hey thanks Eyeofthoth!!

yes your pic posted

Judging by all the pictures posted ..Looks like we have a pretty attractive party to go to..

 

well yeah it is a betrayel to be left instantly for an ex.. or anyone for that matter...your lucky to have had some contact thou.. and you got a hug

i wish i could have a hug again from him.. even if it is not forever..

because im a forgiving person,, i just want to find out what happened to us.. what were my mistakes so i can better myself as a person for my next relationship.. i already had my second chance and this is were i am .. back here on this forum..

 

maybe you will get something stronger then a hug one day .. you never know the outcome..

 

that doesnt change that we can always have hope in the meantime..

[openbook08]

may I come to the party too? pretty please?

- not sure if I did it right

the tears came back this week....dunno why...he seems to be in my head now 24/7 .. even in my dreams. just the last week.

at least we're all in it together right

anyway what ya havin?? Ill get this round

keep goin everyone we're playin a blinder XX

[openbook08]

ha ha me too T-Laurence!! now Im like what the hell!!

doin lots of new stuff since the break up

starting back tae kwon do this week Ill be kickin some serious ass!!

ps - do you LOVE the toilet in the backround or WHAT?? :laugh:

no seriously this board has been such a help thanks to everyone & I hope I can help someone for the good too

[pushforward]

Just general advice for everybody here, now that the party has started.

 

First and foremost. Do what makes you happy. I recommend strict NC. Out of sight out of mind. Why NC? Remove your source of pain until you are able to speak without the emotions. If you cannot, then I would recommend calling after the dust has settled and get closure and go about your business.

 

You may always love that person, regardless of what they have done or happened. That's you being human. People make mistakes. People can love each other and not be in a relationship with each other. That's life.

 

Life isn't always bad. It sucks right now because somebody who meant more than the world has betrayed your trust and you're in shock. We must take it upon ourselves and heal. To move forward in life and put ourselves in a better position. Right now, we hurt, but as long as we take a step forward. We will be fine and be a better person through this experience.

 

I want to let you know that everybody here is a gift. And we all have worth. I had posted this in another topic.

 

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200 he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. "My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who do love you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are. You are special, don't ever forget it." Remember to count your blessings, not your problems. If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow, what a ride!"

 

I hope everybody feels better today.

 

I'm going to need LOTS of support tomorrow. Going to turn 21 and battle the urge to break NC.