I’m still me ... and that’s the problem

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

I'm not really sure how to express this, but I’ll try. For several months now, I have been trying to improve myself and my life. However, despite making changes, I don’t actually feel any different.

 

The catalyst for the change was getting dumped and left for another woman. After the tears subsided, I took a long hard look at myself and the relationship I was just ousted from, and set to work on bettering myself.

 

I’ve really thrown myself into this, but I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere at all. I’ve read a tonne of self-help books, started seeing a therapist , started meditating, started a new exercise regime, trying new things, saying yes to new opportunities, trying new hobbies, trying to meet people, working on my career goals, improving the relationships I have with friends and family, trying to adopt a much more positive attitude etc...

 

I’m genuinely putting the effort in, but I don’t feel like a better me, just a busier one. It’s been several months of this. I like the things I’m doing, I really do. I just don’t know why it’s not gelling. I feel like a fraud sometimes, trying to be someone I’m not. I’m consciously having to think about my behaviour in order to escape old habits, but the new me just feels so forced, and not all that different from the old one anyway.

 

What am I doing wrong?

[amaysngrace]

What am I doing wrong?

 

Well for starters it took a lifetime to get to be the way you are and you shouldn't expect it to unravel overnight. That's unrealistic and you're putting harsh demands on yourself IMO.

 

Maybe you are trying too hard? I have had good luck with making minor changes in certain aspects of myself that were holding me back but I did it ever so gradually. Tackling one thing at a time.

 

This way I could devote all my energy into one thing only, the task at hand, and once I mastered that I'd move on to the next.

 

It's kind of like a diet. If you go at it really hard for a short while the results don't last. But if you make small changes to your diet and give up certain things little by little the result is permanent.

 

Maybe cut back on all the things you are doing and just keep a couple that you find most rewarding. Do what you enjoy. And make time to relax. Then you'll have balance.

 

Rome wasn't built in a day.

[Geishawhelk]

For several months now, I have been trying to improve myself and my life. However, despite making changes, I don’t actually feel any different.

 

I took a long hard look at myself ....and set to work on bettering myself.

 

I’ve really thrown myself into this, but I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere at all. I’ve read a tonne of self-help books, started seeing a therapist , started meditating, started a new exercise regime, trying new things, saying yes to new opportunities, trying new hobbies, trying to meet people, working on my career goals, improving the relationships I have with friends and family, trying to adopt a much more positive attitude etc...

 

I’m genuinely putting the effort in, but I don’t feel like a better me, just a busier one. .......I feel like a fraud sometimes, trying to be someone I’m not. ......the new me just feels so forced, and not all that different from the old one anyway.

 

What am I doing wrong?

 

You're trying too hard.

 

Everything in Moderation - Including Moderation.

 

There is a teaching that goes:

 

"Tighten the strings too tight, and the sound of the guitar is strident and discordant.

Leave the strings too loose, and the sound is dull, turgid and untuneful. For the song to be sung, the strings must be neither too tight, nor too loose."

 

Make your song neither strident nor turgid.

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

 

Rome wasn't built in a day.

 

Perhaps you're right and i'm not being very realistic. I just really wanted to try and make something good come out of having my heart broken.

 

I wanted that shiny new beginning that's supposed to come after an end. I figure that there will be very few opportunities in life to be this self-indulgent and selfish and I wanted to really make the most of my time as a single person.

 

Maybe I need to adjust my expectations.

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

 

"Tighten the strings too tight, and the sound of the guitar is strident and discordant. Leave the strings too loose, and the sound is dull, turgid and untuneful. For the song to be sung, the strings must be neither too tight, nor too loose."

 

Very nice quote. I will try to find the balance. Self-improvement is increadibly difficult!

 

I know there is no magic formula, but I wish it was easier to know what to do to be 'better'.

[amaysngrace]

I know there is no magic formula, but I wish it was easier to know what to do to be 'better'.

 

Also start with accepting yourself for who you are. No you're not perfect but I'm sure parts of you are great. Try to balance your focus between what's good and acknowledging where you can improve.

 

Saying "you're still you is a problem" is not true. Learn to love who you are, those special things about yourself that make you like no other, take pride in your uniqueness, be glad you are still you.

 

And realize that all of life's ups and downs is exactly what made you the way that you are.

 

Just like the rest of us you are simply a work in progress.

[Geishawhelk]

Waytogo!! :bunny:

[amaysngrace]

Kisses.