Nikki Sahagin Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 ...thar your partner was cheating? Less time, less affection, less sex, arguments, gut instint or more frighteningly were there no obvious signs? Was it just a bolt from the blue?
2sure Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 He was spending more time on the computer using IM , and also texting on the phone which isn't something he normally does. I think both of those are the big give aways...other than that, nothing changed in his behavior.
Owl Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Emotional withdrawl from me, "pushing" me away emotionally, spending far more time on the computer, less interest in the family/house/etc... Final things were spending way too much time gaming with one person in particular, having personal knowledge of that person beyond what you'd expect in a casual online gaming interaction...and then ultimately, turning her computer screen away so that I couldn't see it where I sat, and attempting to close chat windows so that I wouldn't see them.
RecordProducer Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 ...thar your partner was cheating? Less time, less affection, less sex, arguments, gut instint or more frighteningly were there no obvious signs? Was it just a bolt from the blue? I believe the most sneaky sign would be LESS arguments. When people start a new relationship, they are generally happy. Many women have never suspected anything because their marriages were very good and stable. And the reason for this was because their husbands managed to have their cake and eat it too for many years. I think a more important question than looking for signs is: is he capable of cheatig? Do I trust him 100%? Is he generally honest and sincere? If your partner is slippery and dishonest, then you already have a problem (not necessarily involving infidelity though). If he loves to flirt, if he approves of his friends' affairs or goes out by himself, then you have an even bigger problem. Do you think he would start an affair if he had the opportunity? If yes, then it doesn't really matter whether he has found an accomplice - yet.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Oh i'm not asking for me, I was genuinely curious. I am naturally SO suspicious, that i'm taking the other stance, being trusting until I find a reason not to be... I always think the worst so I've put myself on a 'trust blindingly' until disapointed or proven wrong diet. I think sometimes looking for signs and reading between the lines is setting yourself up for a fall. UNLESS of course it's all adding up as you go.
Reggie Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Lying about her whereabouts, hostility. no affection, unaccounted spending.
misternoname Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Phone never left her side...computer always password locked...second email account...girls night out several times a week...unexplained text messages from unknown numbers...purchases from Victoria's Secret that I never got to see... lying about where she went (car nav systems store the last destination point)...credit card statements...etc. etc. If you're trying to catch a cheating spouse, I recommend using your computer's file search feature. You'll find many deleted emails...takes a little work but I discovered everything I needed to know. Cheaters also love text messaging. Check their phone bill if you can get access to it.
65tr6 Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 If I do this again and I would have pulled her aside and talked to her openly the moment i felt our marraige was heading for trouble. Handsight 20/20 right ? But hope others learn from my experience.
travelgirl Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 There was already some disconnect between us before it happened. I wish both of us would have seen the signs but unfortunately there wasn't much of a change in sex/romance etc... because we already lost most of that. I think he was more content with my depression. Didn't care to change it or fight with me. Either way, the cell phone was my main suspicion. It was stuck to his hip at all times. Now, he owns a company and works all the time. People call him all hours about business but it was different. He wouldn't even leave it on the table to go to the bathroom. Once I suspected, I waited until he fell asleep and looked thru it and then did the same with his satellite email account on his laptop. It was all I needed.
2sure Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Oh yeah - our sex life increased dramatically, He took me on surprise vacations, and constantly told me I was too good for him.
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