soserious1 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I did that. I paid alimony until the ex remarried and also paid child support for 11 years; most of them for two children. Unlike you, I always believed that better things would come and they did and they continue to. The best of them is no longer being with that person and having them in my life (all five children are now adults). I couldn't agree more. Knowing what I didn't want helped direct me to what I did. It all turned out to be a valuable learning experience. Well there's no chance of my ex remarrying, he says he's going to ride me and ride me hard till the day I die and beyond for money, I'm going to be court ordered to provide life insurance that will pay alimony benefits should I die before he does. I'm in my early fifties,the only men even remotely interested in me are either pushing 70 and living with significant health issues or younger but divorced with still dependent kids. I'm not interested in serving as a nurses aide and I've got zero interest in rearing another set of children so aside from casual encounters whenever the opportunity presents itself, relationships don't even figure into my plans. I expect that I will most likely defer retirement or drop dead at my desk in order to pay my alimony and avoid court trouble and jail. I'll make out okay in terms of my basic needs but there will be no travel, no luxuries and most likely I won't be able to retire at all,given the state of the markets. I don't expect anything,let alone anything good to happen. I was a fool and married somebody smarter and more clever than I.. I got played now I get to pay ..it's that plain and simple.
JamesM Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I don't expect anything,let alone anything good to happen. I was a fool and married somebody smarter and more clever than I.. I got played now I get to pay ..it's that plain and simple. You are too young to give up hope. Letting him ruin your life is not an option.
soserious1 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 You are too young to give up hope. Letting him ruin your life is not an option. Ahhh that sounds good till you remember that pesky thing about taking responsibilty for your choices and decisions. I chose a loser, I freely picked a user,nobody held a gun to my head and forced me to marry this guy. And like my mother says "better that YOU pick up the tab for his bills than having the taxpayers ending up stuck with them" He didn't ruin my life, I did that all by myself by marrying him.That phrase "marry in haste,repent at leisure" is all too true and I've got plenty of time now to reflect on my appalling lack of taste in men and to pay for my most serious error in judgement. I would advise younger people who are in miserable,soul destroying marriages to not wait,don't pussyfoot around for years hoping for change,force the issue,either your partner goes with you to counseling or you're going to seek the help of a lawyer. I've reinvented myself many times over the course of a lifetime but you finally reach an age where you cannot rise like a shining phoneix from the ashes of a miserable life, you only get but so many do over's..don't waste your best years with someone who could give a rat's arse about your happiness.
Curmudgeon Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Well there's no chance of my ex remarrying... Never say never. He will likely find a more affluent Sugar time. I'm in my early fifties,the only men even remotely interested in me are either pushing 70 and living with significant health issues or younger but divorced with still dependent kids. I'm not interested in serving as a nurses aide and I've got zero interest in rearing another set of children so aside from casual encounters whenever the opportunity presents itself, relationships don't even figure into my plans. I was 50 and my wife was 48 when we married. Most of us at those ages have grown children. I'm now a mere 62 -- a far cry from 70 -- and if I was single I could certainly be interested. I expect that I will most likely defer retirement or drop dead at my desk in order to pay my alimony and avoid court trouble and jail. I'll make out okay in terms of my basic needs but there will be no travel, no luxuries and most likely I won't be able to retire at all,given the state of the markets. The ex got half my retirement in settlement. I'll still be retiring on the 30th of this December. Had I remained married to the ex I would have most likely continued to work until one day Im was found slumped over my desk having assumed room temperature! I wouldn't have been able top afford retirement and I wouldn't have wanted to be with her 24/7. I don't expect anything,let alone anything good to happen. I was a fool and married somebody smarter and more clever than I.. I got played now I get to pay ..it's that plain and simple. Set your sights higher than mere existance. Keep the faith. Never give up hope and accept that we ALL make mistakes. Then go on from there!
2sunny Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 i'm not still married. it was a tragedy at the time - but a blessing on the back side. i am happy all by myself! it's fun! anyone i spend my time with is just an added bonus for me. it's amazingly awesome and i love it. i has worked out beautifully... life is good.
nleeh Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 2. You are dedicated and committed to making the relationship work. You love them but differently to how you first did. You take the up's with the down's, the high's with the lows, the smooth with the rough and in the end you know it's worth it. I left my first marriage because I had no idea how to "be" myself, was terribly uncertian of who I was and allowed my mate rule over me to a point that I wanted to leave and explore the world and other partners. Had I known what I know now I probably would have stayed because we have children together but on the other hand, once I was free from the marriage I grew and learned about who I was and how to honor who I was but it took many years of exploring. My second marriage was not exactly a piece of cake in the beginning but I've grown and so has he and I am very committed to allowing each of us to continue to grow and learn apart and together. Some people get it right the first time but for me, it took years to understand who I am and what I need and how to allow my partner to do the same. I am grateful that my current husband and I stuck together through the years we grew. nleeh
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