Gypsie Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I have just recently started sharing with a couple of friends. Lately I have found that one of them is beginning to be extremely nosy. . Like everytime I go out she will ask where I have been or where I am going before hand. All I really should have to do is say whether I am gonna be home for dinner or not. I am 29 years old! I also feel like I have to have an explanation for every little thing I do. She is my friend and been like a sister to me and I do tell her stuff, but she doesn't have to know every single detail of my life. She also goes into my room cleans up and makes my bed while I am at work without asking my permission. . I ask her why she does it and she says it's cause a visitor comes around. She could've just closed the door. I noticed she didn't clean her sister's room (my other room mate)??? Not sure to make of it. Other then that it's been great living with them. Is there any nice way to tell her to back off a bit?
Geishawhelk Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 No, there isn't. I think she thinks she's being 'motherly' so maybe you need to take her out for a coffee (neutral ground, away from the location) and approach her gently about it, before it gets out of hand. She has absolutely no right whatsoever to go into your room. That is trespass and an invasion of privacy. Particularly as she doesn't do this to her sister's room.... I think whatever you do she might feel offended you're refusing her kindness, but it would be better to do this now, as nicely as possible, before things escalate.
Author Gypsie Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Yeah I have thought that she is trying to be motherly. . But just don't want her to be on my back about stuff all the time. That is one of the reasons I moved out of my parent's place (again) to get away from all that. Be more independent. I can look after myself. . It is tresspassing going into my room and invasion of privacy especially if she went through my stuff. Even though I was a bit annoyed she went in there without my permission, still thanked her for making my bed. It is nice that she cares a lot but I have got to have a bit of breathing space to do my own thing as well.
Geishawhelk Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Do you have a legal tenancy contract, with deposit paid and agreements for utilities, period of notice, etc? because if you have, she's skating on very thin ice by going into your room. Especially if she admits doing so, with the 'bogus' reason of tidying up in case there are 'visitors'...(WTF....? ) and not actually doing anything to the other rooms.... So..........? What do you think you will do......?
purplewitch Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 You can always try the approach of asking her to coffee (like stated above) and then just telling her... 'Look, when you ask me where I'm going all the time I feel like you're my mother!' Then maybe with a big hearty laugh she will get the hint. No question about it, roommates are tricky!
D-Lish Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Put a lock on your door. No one should be going into your room and poking around (cleaning or not) without permission. Close friend or not- I'd be a little pissed. My ex room mate used to go into my room and borrow my clothes when I wasn't home. The thing is- she was my border, in a house I owned. I told her repeatedly not to do so and she didn't listen. We finally had a blow out- and she acted as if it came out of the blue. Just tell her outright- I want to maintain some semblence of privacy- so I'd appreciate it if you'd ask first before going into my room when I am not home. Failing that- put a lock on your door. That's what I ended up doing.
Author Gypsie Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 You can always try the approach of asking her to coffee (like stated above) and then just telling her... 'Look, when you ask me where I'm going all the time I feel like you're my mother!' Then maybe with a big hearty laugh she will get the hint. I might do that actually. I have discussed this with other friends and they go "she's not your Mum." . I do like my privacy. That's just what she has to learn. I will talk about most things, but she doesn't have to know everything about me. Put a lock on your door. No one should be going into your room and poking around (cleaning or not) without permission. I would. I don't own the House but. We rent. That would come in handy but!
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