AM1 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 anxiety... never had it before till her... wow, i've got this crazy anxiety about this situation. please bare with me while i give some background info. i met this girl this summer. she works for the same company i do, and she approved the medical leave i took. i've seen her around, but never talked to her or had much of an interest. anyway, i end up coming back to work from medical leave early. not that it was a big deal, but she said i was the 1st to do that since she's worked there. anyway, after returning to work, a month or so goes by and i decide to spark up some friendly conversation with her. i did her a few favors here and there, and we actually formed a really good friendship. from what i am to understand, she is seeing somebody, but i can't get any verification on how serious things are. whether she considers him her boyfriend and she's in a relationship, or just someone she's interested in. we have talked about a lot of personal things, but she has never mentioned this guy. i've never asked her about it either. she has told me things she said she doesn't tell anyone, and she has mentioned bad ex-bf's here and there, but never the current "thing" she has going on. on top of this obstacle, she is usually overwhelmed with stress and anxiety. i can read it all over her. to continue, i have formed this crush on her. i've had these before, but not anything comparable to this. she is just everything i've wanted in a girl. i've never come across this before. we joke around a lot, and flirt here and there. we have gone out once after work to a bar for some pool and drinks. this was just a friendly thing. another buddy met up for a little there too, but left early. we got to talking and i broke into the subject of her stress and anxiety. this is where she started confessing things she says she doesn't talk about. what was suppose to be 2 hours or so out, turned into 6 hours. we talked for about 2-3hrs, and it was a deep conversation. she had become emotional at times while we were talking (she wasn't drunk, only had 2 12oz beers). i gave her a couple of hugs when she started to tear (this isn't what i do when i want a girl, but it ended up happening because i was truely interested in what was in her head. also, i didn't force anything out of her, she spilled it all after i showed some interest). i'm almost certain i could of taken this to the next level and hooked up with her, but it would of been taking advantage of the moment. on top of that, when/if she realized how she was vulnerable when we hooked up, she would look at me differently. it's not me to do things that way. while she was letting all this out, i was giving her different advice, and comparing it to my issues i've had. i've felt we truly had a connection there. she took all my advice, and since then has been happiest i've ever seen. she has even thanked me several times and told me i very wise for my age. (i'm 21 turning 22 soon, she just turned 25) anyways, back at work for the next couple days things were fine. nothing had changed except the fact that we were a little closer then the day before. over the next week, i see her like twice a week. we talk on myspace and stuff while off from work. i throw compliments her way at times which she likes, then be mean to her other times in a joking way. my buddies say were like 2 little school children flirting back and forth, and we always are happy and laughing while together. i know if we stay as "friends" for too long, then we would get locked in that status, and that would drive me insane. now down to the serious business. we are meeting up again this thursday to go out after work again. she gets off at 8, i get off at 10, so she's going to pick me up at work. i don't know if i or she would call these dates, but either way. my obstacle here is do i try to be genuine and she were things go. depending on how it goes that night, i wanted to try to hook up with her, so i can see what type of connection i get from it. i want to say she is into me, but am not sure. my other alternative was to be sincere and come out and let her know how i feel about her. and then i could also be a just a nice guy, and hope we go out again after this. the last obstacle here is i don't want to screw up this great friendship, but i do want it to be more then what it is. like i said, she is involved, but she never ever has talked about it in front of me. if she considered it a boyfriend, then i would back off without question. i'd really would hate myself if i lost her as a friend by trying to see the other side of things. anyone with any insight or advice, it is greatly appreciated. ...also, i have a strong character that many people respect. i don't take bull****. i've always followed this quote. "You will never get anywhere by being uncertain with yourself". she has stirred this into my head every time i see her, and it drives me insane that i am uncertain this time around. maybe it is because what is on the line.
SushiX Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 You're so close yet still so far! You've gotten so close with her yet you don't know how serious she is with the current guy? Do yourself a favor and ask her about it before you blame her for leading you on. You don't have to ask directly but there are ways to question her about it. You'll know!
Author AM1 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 you know, i didn't think of that approach. after reading that, i am stongly considering find out about this guy this thursday. then go from there, possibly arrange another get together or w/e.
reflecting zen Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Applying some zen, and I quote: Fear [or in your case your feelings of anxiety over this situation] is a very useful signal along the path to freedom. The stronger the fear, the closer you are to what you're seeking. If you want to stay "safe" (i.e. stuck where you are), fear tells you to stop what you are doing. But if you want to be free, fear lets you know that you are on the right track, it's a signal to push ahead in the right direction, to pick up the pace. So in other words, your anxiety means that you are almost there and should keep going. Don't even think about what the outcomes could be. They don't exist yet. If it happens, it happens.
Author AM1 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 wow, that is probably the absolute best way to describe what i'm feeling. that quote is really inspirational. thanks may i ask where you got that from? or who said it?
reflecting zen Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 may i ask where you got that from? or who said it? It comes from this awesome book I read after I was in a similar situation, which sucked because I wish I had read it before. It is called The Fear Book by Cheri Huber. To quote further: Sitting around thinking about what won't work is like a scientist deciding the result of an experiment beforehand - not a way to learn anything. If we really want to know how something is or what is possible, we plunge ahead...What most of us think of as fear is primarily a mental process of imagining situations that do not exist in the moment.
Author AM1 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 i think i need to pick up that book... it sounds like it would fit me quite well for this situation.
Green Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 First off there is no way to get this girl with out risking the friendship. I definetly think its worth the risk. Your scared because its comfortable where you are now but by not making a move you are not being genuine to your true intentions and your just doing it out of fear. Don't wory about taking advantage of her, the last time a girl said "I've never told anybody this before" I ended up having sex with her... is that what you mean by hooking up with her this thursday? sex? anyways don't ask about her bf unless she brings it up... after shes had like two drinks and you have been flirtily touching her try to kiss her!@
Author AM1 Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 you know, the more i think about this all, the more i stress it. i haven't thought about it all day and i've been great. i think come thursday, i'm just going to take it as it comes. make my move if the oppurtunity presents itself, if not, then try to plan out another get together or w/e. i really do appreciate all the advice and wisedom. it will definately help me out with this.
Green Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 you know, the more i think about this all, the more i stress it. i haven't thought about it all day and i've been great. i think come thursday, i'm just going to take it as it comes. make my move if the oppurtunity presents itself, if not, then try to plan out another get together or w/e. i really do appreciate all the advice and wisedom. it will definately help me out with this. I agree don't worry about it... but you better make a move this thursday!!! look foward to making that move when the time comes. Remember be touchy and playfull... and after shes had her second beer kiss her
Author AM1 Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 just a little update... she left work early yesterday from being sick, and is off today (still sick), but she is still really into going tomorrow night. she went the doc and has a respiratory infection or something. just painful coughing and such. anyways, i'm pretty certain this isn't a way to get out of the thing tomorrow night because she still is excited about going. i've been thinking about what is going to happen tomorrow. anticipation can be a bitch, and it is just screwing with my head again. go from being super confident, to thinking i'm making a mistake. if this was just any other girl, i would of laid down the game and didn't care of the outcome. sucks. anyone have some zen they could lay on me?
BikerBeagle Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 The frog with the longest tongue gets the most flies. - BBfucious
Author AM1 Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 geez, i just found out she slapped/punched a "friend" last friday who tried to kiss her. that isn't making me feel any better, especially when i am well known in this bar. wow, i might have to find another angle or something. edit: wow, there i go over analyzing things again. i haven't done that in a while. i haven't been worked up like this for a while, atleast not over a girl. if it's ment to be, it will.
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