jmmm Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 How do you deal with that and those feelings which probably lead to regret over even minor mistakes made and thinking what if i did this or said while in the relationship...
Trialbyfire Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 If you allow yourself to move on, you'll always find someone better than the last ex. Part of the reason is that you tend to avoid people who share the same negative qualities as your ex and also, if you're willing to accept it, you also learn what not to do.
Author jmmm Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 what if you move on but just don't find someone better?
quankanne Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 what if you do? The trick is to keep an open mind ... I know i was surprised by love, because I thought the guy I met in college was "The One." oh, yeah, I pined after him for the longest time. Meanwhile, I met the man I eventually married. And can't imagine how I ever thought anyone but he could have been the one ...
norajane Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 There's always someone better. Someone who loves you better. You're anxious because you haven't moved on yet. Once you truly, completely move on, you'll look back at your ex and ask yourself wtf you were thinking.
Trialbyfire Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 you'll look back at your ex and ask yourself wtf you were thinking. So very true! This comment is usually preceded by your hand smacking your forehead. "WTF was I thinkin'!"
replicator Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 So very true! This comment is usually preceded by your hand smacking your forehead. "WTF was I thinkin'!" I can't imagine that happening - but damn I hope so! That would be so great to eventually feel like that.
Trialbyfire Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I can't imagine that happening - but damn I hope so! That would be so great to eventually feel like that. It will happen to you replicator, if you allow yourself to let go. It's probably happening a bit at a time, right now, as I type this to you. While sure, you're going to have moments where it all comes rushing back but if you allow yourself to realize that you're holding onto something that's not yours to hold, you'll let go. Then, the good times start happening. You get out there, relax and start to have some fun. Sooner or later you're going to meet someone who wants to be with you, wants to love you and wants to please you.
SushiX Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Let me make this clear to everyone here. There is no such thing as "soul mate" I realize this after dating many women. I always thought I would never meet a girl as great as my ex, then last ex, then last. There is always someone better! ALWAYS!
CaliGuy Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 How do you deal with that and those feelings which probably lead to regret over even minor mistakes made and thinking what if i did this or said while in the relationship... You stop telling yourself you won't and that the longer you pine over your ex, the longer it's going to take to meet them. That person is out there -- waiting to meet you -- but can't until you let your ex go completely.
L-FUZZ Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 believe that to be right CAliguy.. its that imbetween stage of letting go and being able to open up to meeting the next person . Its somehow the hardest part to get to because you realize that it takes soooooooooo much effort to get where you once were with your ex,, comfort, love trust, compassion....etc etc.. Thats why it's easier to hang on to hope of getting back together... that glimmer of what was . all that you worked for...all that you once thought to be the most amazing thing you thought was the rest of your life ,, is gone in one moment... it is gone.. they are gone!!! So you hang on to it.. because it is almost easier to believe in that old dream ......Then the chance of meeting the next "better"person dream.... which i have to say does not exist>> better??..... NO! Different ?? YES!
ioncebelieved Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 That is a horrible mindset! When I speak to the higher powers, I ask for better than her or if she ever would get her head removed from anal region, her reformed. I have no doubts that I will get better than my ex!!! I just do not know when! Right now, I am still healing some and will be more open to the idea when I am better. good awaits you!!!!!
EmperorR Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 in my case anything is better than a cheat and a liar
Geishawhelk Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Let me make this clear to everyone here. There is no such thing as "soul mate" I realize this after dating many women. I Yes there is. Everyone you fall in love with, is a "soul-mate." To some extent - maybe just not a permanent one. Buddhism recognises re-birth. Just think of every relationship as a burst forth into a new life.
sailing Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 That person is out there -- waiting to meet you -- but can't until you let your ex go completely. It's less of a catch 22 and more of a chicken-egg thing though, isn't it, since a lot of people do use infatuation with someone else to get over the ex? I fully admit I've become jaded, but I see a lot of attractive women out there, open to the idea of a relationship, and I see a lot of men hesitating, wondering whether they could do better. And apparently, this is "nature". I'm veering off topic, sorry.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 You know what, love is crazy. It's completely illogical and irrational and different for everyone. Some people fall in love every 5 minutes. Some people never fall in love. So the truth is...there's no gurantees in this world and love is just one of those things that isn't guaranteed. There's no guarantee you'll fall in love, if you do there's no guarantee it will last, that they won't cheat, that you won't cheat, that you wont leave. That's not being negative by the way. It's just you never know. You can't know. Also it depends how selective/picky/open you are. I personally am a VERY selective person. I don't easily get feelings for people so when I do it's crazy for me. For myself I doubt if I become single any time soon...I would find someone 'better' or find someone immediately. I would find someone different, more compatable but not 'better' or 'worse' just 'new' and 'different'. If you are open you will have better luck. And if you're selective that can be a good thing but realise it is also a limiting thing and may take more time to find that new person! Don't give up! Also realise there is more to life than relationships. I do see relationships as a VERY HIGH priority - I see it as a spiritual thing, that companion to share the journey, share love, share life, share bringing new life to the world and so on. And I think that's why all this buisness cuts so deep with me...because I prioritise it so high...but if you never did find love again (worst case scenario) think...what else is there that makes life worthwhile for you? Family, friends, travel etc?
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