hereandnow Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I just went to see the new Bond movie with some friends of mine. I ran into a guy I'd never met before who was a friend of a friend. As we're standing in line, this guy starts talking about how he spent the weekend with my ex and her friend. He didn't even name the friend though, so I'm almost certain he and my ex were on a date. I feel so horrible right now. I bought a ticket, threw it away and walked out without telling anybody. I wasn't about to sit around and here about HIS weekend. I am seriously in some pain now. I just tried calling my ex, not really sure why. We parted on good terms (there wasn't a blowout or anything). She was the one who called it off. This was 3 weeks ago. I try to tell myself that what she's doing is none of my business, but this just came at me so sideways. We just had lunch wednesday. I am seriously losing my mind. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. Thinking about e-mailing my ex. I know, it doesn't make sense. She probably thought that not telling me about hanging out with him would spare me some pain, but she would know that we run in the same circles. I don't know what to do. I'm seriously in need of some support here!
Dmoney28 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 im sorry you had to go through that. Are you 100% sure that guy was on a date with your ex? When i found out about my ex dating a guy, enough time passed where i didnt care. I know this isnt right....but if you're over 21, get some of your budies together...go to the bar...and F'ing smashed bro. You wont feel better in the morning (physically anyway) but you will ease the pain for the night....just dont make a habbit out of it.
Author hereandnow Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 But I already made a habit of getting smashed in the past and have been sober for a while now. I've got nothing left to kill the pain with that I can use "successfully." I'm 27, by the way, so this isn't like I found someone passing a note during study hall. Oh man this is eating my lunch! Nothing to do but sit here and squirm. Maybe they weren't on a date, I don't know for sure, but it is driving me up the wall!
Dmoney28 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 my apologies. I'm 28, so i know how much it hurts when you have a serious relationship. 3 1/2 years and over for about 3 months. Maybe you can go out on a date...if enough time has passed. Is the thought of her moving on so fast upsetting you?
Author hereandnow Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Yeah it is. We were only together for 6 months but we did a lot of stuff together. We really connected. She was always talking about that, how she could be herself around me, etc. How incredible it was. We took road trips, flew out to Nashville, she met my family, and then 3 weeks ago she told me she wanted a break. First she said for a month and then later she called it a breakup. It's really messing me up. I just don't see how she just flipped this switch and then it was over. Seems so fickle, so flaky. I just can't believe it. And now this "heard it through the grapevine" stuff. One of my friends did call me, before the movie started, so I'm sure they're wondering what's up. They'll probably put it all together, and my ex will probably end up hearing something about it. Maybe she'll put 2 and 2 together having seen the missed call. The worst thing about it is I've really got no recourse but to sit here and freak out.
Author hereandnow Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 I've never felt so bad for so long before. This was my first real relationship (yeah kind of a late starter at 27). My only other serious relationships before this were with drugs, alcohol and trouble. I've been sober now for over 16 months, and if you don't count a couple of days that I slipped up, a lot longer than that. My life is actually going somewhere today, but I hate it. In August I quit my job as an estimator for a steel supplier and started college, thinking I'd eventually go to med school. Now I just can't seem to pull it together. I can't focus on school. I'm going insane. I mean, I've been through some stuff before, take my word for it. But nothing has been as bad as this. I used to look down at guys who got really screwed up over relationships, thought they were weak or something. Man, they're probably herculean compared to me right now. Can this possibly be worth it? Aaaarrrrrrgggggghhhh!!!!!!!! I'm dying on the inside here. I don't think I can take it, but I know I have to. What happens the next time I hear something about her, is this going to happen again?!!! We run in the same circles so I really don't think I can avoid things like this. I am going to be seriously messed up over this for a while!!!! How do you get a handle on something like this? I've been running. I've been going out with my friends. (Though tonight that backfired!) I started seeing a therapist again. But I know the main thing is going to be time and that is not looking good. I wish I had more relationship experience, but I really don't know if that would make a difference or not. Any replies are greatly appreciated!
sad&lonely Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 We have similar situations here. Im 28 and recently broke up with my first real relationship of about 2 years. i also was into drugs before this and even while i was with her. Since the split i have stopped all drugs but what can i tell you man i also feel like im going to die on the inside. i saw this girl everyday now i see her as just friends only so i can get my fix.. i been franticly looking for another girl but nothing i know what im doing is wrong but i know exactly how you feel man.. atleast you got some friends.. i isolated myself from friends since i been in this relationship and now i got very little left. im also seeing a therpist, its 4am im still up feeling empty. but things will get better man just give it some time i know you think that it never will but time will heal this.. try to force yourself to do things instead of sitting at home.. im feeling a little better but some nights like tonight its like im back to square one.. sorry i dont have better advice but i thought my story and yours are somewhat similar so know that your not alone man.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I hate when people do this to you! You're doing your best to get by and some insensitive blabbermouth yaps about something you really don't need to hear. I remember after my break up, I went out with some of my boyfriends friends to a show i'd been invited to and one of them started talking about a boys holiday they'd planned. I thought this was so insensitive and quite frankly cruel and it felt like hot white pain growing inside me and I just had to stand there and cope and keep it in. It's horrible and quite frankly thoughtless when people do this I can't believe people sometimes. You will be okay. It's hard to avoid hearing about them or seeing them and everytime you do - it's a fresh injection of pain. Just ask people kindly to not mention them in your presence and avoid people that will fail to do so. You do not need these regular updates.
EmperorR Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 you can do it and get over it. I was with my ex for tree years then she cheated on me when she went away for two weeks, screwed a guy she just met three times, then dumped me. First week back at school she got butterflies for some herb and now dating him. I feel horribly daily I did nothing wrong, but that's life just got to keep on moving forward.
Author hereandnow Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 I appreciate all of the replies. So I went ahead and sent her a "closure" e-mail. Told her that right now I really only want to hear from her if she wants to try again or if she's in trouble or hurt. Man, it was a hard thing to do. Up until this point I was trying not to make any "sudden moves" that might scare her off, but that just didn't work. I guess I finally have come into agreement with those here that say I shouldn't stick around for my ex emotionally, that I shouldn't be her friend when I want something more. It is satisfying to have some power back, at least. I don't have to play this stupid dancing around the point thing any more. Thanks for the support everyone!
Recommended Posts