JoesGirl Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 One of my fatal flaws is that I have low self worth in relationships - ie...very insecure. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me so much. But I take EVERYTHING personally. It is so frustrating and something I really want to overcome and have been trying hard to overcome it. I am so scared of being left, have this horrible brain that tells me I need to be perfect...and it causes rifts between my boyfriend and I. He is so helpful - knowing this is something I really want to work on, and is very reassuring..but it gets to him sometimes too. I can blow the tiniest thing out of proportion if I think it is in some way making me look like a failure or I am doing something wrong - I take whatever it is personally. does anyone else have this problem or a similar one? I'd love some suggestions on ways to go about working through these issues.
Geishawhelk Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 The thing to do is to trace back in time and see when or why this behaviour pattern began. Or as close to it as possible. Don't apportion 'blame' anywhere. People do what people do, because it might be all they know how to do. So anything or anyone in your past that might have triggered such patterns may not have done it deliberately. Speak to a counsellor and work things through. It's "curable". You may have issues, but they can be dealt with. Much more easily too, when you acknowledge them. Which you do. So there's a winner, right there......
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I am exactly the same so I know how horrible this can be to live with. It feels totally irrational. It's kind of a heart VS head matter. Either irrational thoughts that you KNOW are incorrect but cannot banish. Or feelings which are equally illogical which you then read too much meaning into. It is such a horrible thing to have to deal with because the worries, the concerns, the threats all feel very real and of course the thoughts and emotions are very persistant and niggling. It can take a lot to shut them out and even with your best efforts, every now and then a few of them come barging back in. I would recommend seeing a therapist or counsellor. I have on/off been doing this myself for a little while (long story). Sometimes you just need someone to talk some sense into you. I think a lot of blame belongs on society's shoulders. We live in a world where women and increasingly men, are judged solely on appearances. You just have to be perfect or no-one will love and keep you. Everything's disposable. And what's new and shiny replaces what is old and reliable. But remember love doesn't fit this logic. Love cannot be replaced and disposed of so easily so if your boyfriend loves you - he's going nowhere. And if he doesn't...it's not your fault that you weren't perfect or pretty enough. You are doing what i'm doing which is being a self-saboteur. Acting like 'I can't believe my luck...there's no way this can last' and every bit of your behaviour is sort of expecting it to happen so consciously/unconsciously you are making it happen. Realise you are doing this!
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