aiina Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Hello, As most people, I have been reading this forum for some weeks now. Honestly I don't know why I am writing tonight; maybe I am just feeling like it, maybe because it could help someone, as your posts have helped me to feel better. I dated the same guy twice. First time it all went wrong and unexpected, as most relationships it 'looked' good at first, but it was not the right time. That is the reason I 'accepted' (said this to myself many times) a second chance, because the moment seemed better than before, because I felt more sure about myself, and because he showed some 'big' changes. First time, by the breakup I did everything it's said not to do: kept contact, asked him to take me back, put myself into all the emotional pain. Of course he would keep talking to me, and kept me saying he liked me, and gave me no real reason about the breakup. This second time was completely different, he gave me no reason at all, in fact he never 'finished' anything, but I saw it. He would say 'everything is ok, and you are making problems out of nothing'. I got very upset and frustrated. A couple of days later I told him - in a very friendly way - that I would prefeer not to be in contact with him anymore, and that I was not upset with him. It was just a personal decision. He would say he wanted to stay friends, and I repeat the 'no contact anymore'. Over this month his few contacts were very short, and about the fact that we agreed on being friends. I never replied. I have had some ups and downs, true. I put all his stuff out of my sight, deleted all his sms, his emails, and all contact information, it is hard, but it is the best thing to do: I am not expecting him back and I don't want to feel tied. I don't miss him, I miss my state of feeling that someone cares for me and every day contact. And it is good when you realise about this point. I am trying hard on doing things for myself, as his absence made me realise how little I was doing for myself. I have no bad feelings about him, and by starting doing things for myself I know that this is not my loss at all, I am on my way to become better for myself. It's been said many times here, but for you out there, please do believe in you and who you are. You might feel heartbroken, but actually your heart is beating. And I don't know if there are many things that worth live for, but certanly you are not here just to love this person you have been with. Life is what you make it, and so your ex. They are especial because we make them especial, but once we let go and moved on, the 'especial' gift fades. When I look around me, I see many friends with great relationships, and that is encouraging me a lot to see that he was not the right person for me, he might be for someone else though, but not for me. Because real love requires daily work, but real love is not complicated at all. You have to be able to rely on your significant other, and you have to allow them do the same. Yes, your ex is especial, but just like everyone else: including YOU. love to everyone ai.
WiseOne1 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 That was a beautiful statement, it made me feel good inside.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Wow - you have a good head on your shoulders!
AnonyMOUSE18 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Thank you for these beautiful thoughts!
LittleDove Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 There are some inspirational words right there, I am feeling happy for reading it. Yay, go the positive vibes.
Author aiina Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Hi, and thanks for the lovely words. If my feelings witten here made someone feel good, then it makes me feel even better! like positive feelings can have a good influence on people some days I have my downs, but they are related to have time to spare, so I know that I should keep myself busy. On Wednesday, when I left work I bought myself a dress. I read somewhere that every woman should have a dress that makes her feel pretty, and I didn't have one. So I got one. I bought it thinking about myself, and what I like, and trying to look better to my eyes (that is something really, really complicated when you have a low steem, believe me). And it works! I even feel 'powerful' on my new dress. Like wearing Wonder Woman costume! Ladies, you don't need to spend lot of money on it, (actually mine is pretty cheap one) or get the sexiest one, just one that makes you feel good and pretty. Dresses & smiles are a powerful tools for healing. Stare at you on any shiny surface and smile at you. ai.
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