autumnsweater Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I think today is as good a day as any to change from lurker to poster on LS. My girlfriend of 2 and a half years split up with me today and god does it hurt. Two weeks ago she told me she wasn't very happy anymore with us and that she needed some time to think. I saw her the following weekend, told her how much I loved her and how I wanted to work things out if we could and it was just so intense with us both in hysterics that I had to leave early. I then gave her time to think by not contacting her for a week and yesterday she got in touch and told me her mind hadn't changed. Then she came to visit me today and broke up with me. We have had a really great relationship and she's such a lovely girl. It almost makes it harder that I don't really have anything I can be angry at her about. The break up today was about as amicable as it could possibly be as I didn't want to make it any harder for her. When she first told me she was having problems I didn't expect it at all so I really struggled when she first told she was unhappy. Once it settled in I did realise that things have been coasting for a couple of months and not been at their best. However, I was certain we could sort it out. It seems things have just gone too far in her mind. She's been having a rough time of late. Her parents got a divorce, her housemate/best friend moved to Berlin, she had a massive falling out with her sister and she got a new job. I can't help feeling that all these things have spilled over and caused her to view our relationship in a much more negative light but maybe that's just self-deception on my part. I have always been there for her but there's no doubt in my mind that I haven't appreciated her as much as I should have. All I want in the world is for her to give us a second chance but I'm not going to hold out hope for that. I refuse to be one of those people who constantly harangue/beg their exes and become an annoyance. Reading some of the threads here, especially about No Contact, has been a real help today so I just want to say thank you to everyone who has contributed. I'm gonna try to use this as an opportunity for some much needed personal development, even though I realise it's going to be incredibly difficult. Tough times ahead, it seems.
Chinook Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Autumnsweater, usually when a decision is made in the mind of the dumper, it's rare they come back. Usually when they do come back, it isn't for long and it doesn't work out. That's my experience of reading LS for the last few years. I'm sorry for your loss and NC will be difficult but hopefully, in time it will get better and you will eventually be okay. There are tough times ahead yes, but that's why we're here
cherryade Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Blimey. I wish I could be that rational and sensible posting on here. You sound like a great guy, and I hope it works out for you, just hang on in there!
Geishawhelk Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Autumn that's a great post, chiefly because there was nothing sordid, underhand, two-faced or deceptive about your separation. It bears all the hallmarks of a relationship under pressure, due to outside circumstances beyong the control of either of you. Your language and approach are heavy with logic and respect, and frankly, on the face of it, I think from a personal point of view, she's crazy to cut the one constant from her life, but she obviously feels she needs to focus inwardly and what ails her, rather than have to factor you into things and afford you the time and affection you obviously merit. I can't help feeling when the dust settles, you may well hear from her again. But there again, you might not. In any case, maintain no contact and know that - never a truer word said, I believe - it's definitely not 'you', it's 'her'. Look after yourself, and be good to yourself.
Author autumnsweater Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 Thanks for the kind words, guys. I neglected to mention that we've been doing the long distance thing for some time now - over a year and a half - and for some reason in my mind I had just assumed it could just continue the way it was. I had this crazy idea (in hindsight) that things could just stay as they were for at least another year and then we might move in. She was always the one suggesting for us to live together and be closer and I always palmed it off saying "in the future". I feel like such a fool. I did, of course, say to her in the past week that I was prepared to offer her that commitment but obviously it was a case of too little, too late. And now, I find myself in this situation. I have learned some invaluable life lessons from this, it's just tragic that it was at the cost of a relationship with someone I loved so much. I kind of want to hold out hope that it might work out but, as Chinook has made clear, the sensible thing is just to assume it's over for good and try to move on. I find it very odd how it has affected my habits and behaviour over the past week. Sometimes I can find nothing I want to do even though all I want in the whole world is some sort of distraction. I've been Listening to bands that I haven't had any desire to listen to for a couple of years. I also bought an X-BOX three days before she told me she was unhappy and now it feels cursed - I'm incapable of even going near it! I just want to be able to sleep tonight, daylight makes coping so much easier.
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