Dmoney28 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Not to come off being rude...but prejud, why did you include sleep with her in your questions? That should be the farthest thing from your mind. That question is kinda suspect bro. I view sex in totally diffrent way now. when i chose to cheat it was like "its only sex, just a act". But when you love someone, thati s the most close physically and emotionaly you can get. Yeah me and my ex had "quickies". But it was with her only at the time. As part of the changes, i suggest you pick up a book about "Sex and Realtionships". Read it...understand it...digest the words. It honeslty will help you have a diffrent outlook on sex.
marlena Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Bear in mind that forgiveness doesn't mean wanting someone back into a relationship. You can forgive and still walk away. To me, it had nothing to do with forgiveness as I didn't consider it a moral issue but rather an incompatability issue. It was just a moment of clarity that this person was wrong for me and that staying with him would bring great unhappiness to my life and by extension to my daughter's life. I had someone's else well-being and happiness to consider and that gave me strength to do what I should have done fifteen years earlier.
Trialbyfire Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 To me, it had nothing to do with forgiveness as I didn't consider it a moral issue but rather an incompatability issue. It was just a moment of clarity that this person was wrong for me and that staying with him would bring great unhappiness to my life and by extension to my daughter's life. I had someone's else well-being and happiness to consider and that gave me strength to do what I should have done fifteen years earlier. In a way you forgave yourself, didn't you?
L-FUZZ Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 "I've never had a man cheat on me personally. Normally, I can spot them a mile away and wouldn't even give them the time of day. So someone like you, no offense, wouldn't have a chance with someone like me."_ Touche- WOW if you could tell women how the hell you can spot a cheater a mile way then you could make millions!! you could be on Oprah! tell you the TRUTH... being that i HAVE been cheated on,, by someone that i would have never expected to have cheated on me.. I STILL would not be able to have that keen sense,, (to spot a cheater a mile away,,) but maybe im just a door mat.... or maybe you just never found out...
marlena Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 In a way you forgave yourself, didn't you? TBF, I am not sure I understand what you mean. Care to clarify?
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Why are you asking ladies how it feels? I am pretty sure it feels the same whether you're male or female. We are all human - none of us want to be cheated in any way, let alone cheated on. Ask yourself how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot. That should give you some idea of how she's feeling now.
Author premiumjet Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Why are you asking ladies how it feels? I am pretty sure it feels the same whether you're male or female. We are all human - none of us want to be cheated in any way, let alone cheated on. Ask yourself how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot. That should give you some idea of how she's feeling now. Youre right Nikki, after I started this thread i realized i shouldve asked men or women what it feels like, not just the ladies. Well I've never been cheated on, that i know of, and so there must be a difference between what it feels like and what you do after when it really happens vers. what you think it would feel like. Thats why i am asking.
Trialbyfire Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 TBF, I am not sure I understand what you mean. Care to clarify? Sure. In walking away, you chose the path of happiness for your daughter and allowed yourself some hope in finding your own happiness. The latter is the self-forgiveness portion, since perhaps, you believed in "until death do you part".
marlena Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 The latter is the self-forgiveness portion, since perhaps, you believed in "until death do you part". I didn't feel like I had to forgive myself for anything as I felt that I had done nothing wrong other than marrying the wrong person. The only thing I was guilty of was naivete and youth and a lack of good judgement which comes with the territory so to speak. I did not berate myself at all for making a mistake. I am on good terms with my mistakes, I embrace them, think of them as life experiences, albeit some not so pleasant, from which I can grow and improve myself. In many ways, they enhance my life and inject it with meaning. I mean, imagine how boring life would be if we ALWAYS did what was right! Mistakes can be a good thing when seen in a positive light. Without them, we wouldn't learn a thing, now would we?
L-FUZZ Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 premiumjet maybe this will help you your probably wondering if she can forgive you ?? i would say that it all depends on the person .. but Yes people can forgive a cheater... but you have to know why you want her to forgive you ,,, do you want her back for good for a longterm meaningful relationship maybe even into marriage?? or is it just because you want her to forgive you so you dont feel so guilty anymore?? is this about you or about her? because if its truely about having her back ...then you have to start by working on yourself and your in for a long process and also you are going to have to really be there for your girlfriend so she can regain her trust with you,,, and that my friend will be the hardest part.... but yes it is possible... are you ready to really make that effort? or will you just break her heart again? thats the real question you should ask yourself...
Author premiumjet Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 immi! Too funny! Yep we were saying the same thing! Premium, puhleeze. She's playing with you. Trust me. Keep away from her and she'll be back. It's a question of probabilities. I mean I can be wrong. But most women will come crawling back to men like you....as long as you stay away. Trust me on this. Truly good and quality women would dump your ass. But I'm not getting the sense that she is. She doesn't think she can do better. Watch. Ignore her and watch how she keeps contacting you...you'll see. Well she hasn't come crawling back yet! She's hot and tons of men think so, I know she knows it too. (not in a stuck up way)
Author premiumjet Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Chinook and DMoney thanks. Even if what your sayin is the opposite of what Touche is sayin it gives me alot to think about. How no matter what i need to be patient and stop thinking about ME. She always told me i was selfish and impatient.
Author premiumjet Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 L-Fuzz i cant even tell to be honest, if i broke her heart. She was so cool when we were last together (fun but cool) and is still so cool by not answering me since. But Angel is right i dropped the ball by not calling her right away after the week end. Now i'm left out of the loop of what she's thinking.
porter218 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 She always told me i was selfish and impatient. Then maybe this didn't take her by surprise at all. Maybe letting go of you was easy because she has been letting go for a while and that is why you are not seeing a downpour of emotion. A man who is obviously selfish and impatient is almost guaranteed to eventually cheat.
L-FUZZ Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 yeah,, if she said that you are selfish,,, then maybe she is just focusing on that... and trying to move forward. She might be afraid that your motives are only selfish motives. maybe you should think on why she thought you are selfish and try and work on that part of yourself... If you have tried to contact her and she has not responded then leave her be.. give it time,,, and you will know regardless if you hear from her on not.
Author premiumjet Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Then maybe this didn't take her by surprise at all. Maybe letting go of you was easy because she has been letting go for a while and that is why you are not seeing a downpour of emotion. A man who is obviously selfish and impatient is almost guaranteed to eventually cheat. I never thought of that. That she has been letting go for a while because she wasnt really surprised. But then why spend that whole week end with me?
Dmoney28 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I read your first post. Honestly, your chances are pretty slim to hear from her again. When she asked you why did you cheat. You Should have sat her down and poured your heart out. You have to explain over and over again why you did it. Because it dosent register with her how you could do that. You acted very selfish and ungrateful. I think she saw through your motives. She tried to give you a oppurtunity to show you were sorry for what you did. But you rejected her. And then you didnt want to meet her at a public place. So she figured you only wanted sex. So she knew at that point you were not sorry for what you did. I honestly dont know what to tell you. Maybe she'll call. I just know that first 24 hours...if she talks to you...its best to be honest and explain EVERYTHING..dont hold any info back.
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