premiumjet Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Ok, so I was a dog and cheated on my gf, and she dumped me. It's been 3 months. I'm trying to see things from her side and this site has helped alot. So I'm asking the ladies who've been cheated on, what was it like? What happened afterwards? Did you break up right away? Did you talk to him at all? See him? Sleep with him again? Get back together?
Geishawhelk Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 The first night we diodn't sleep together, I had a whooole double bed to myself! The next day, I called a friend, and we went shopping! We spent the whole time picking him to pieces. I had a great time and never gave the dirtball a second thought, or a second chance. I figured it was his loss. And I was right. The lady he decided to shack up with instead...... was no lady.
Chinook Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 What was it like? The person I trusted most had turned his back on me and walked away. He had no excuse except that he simply couldn't keep his d i c k in his pants. Simple as that. He didn't realise that would devalue what I thought about him and disrespect me and no amount of 'it meant nothing' or 'it was a mistake' could change it. Bubble had burst and there was no going back. Betrayed trust is betrayed trust and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't have gone back even if I wanted to. What happened afterwards? Nothing. It was over. He walked away before actually telling me he had cheated. A friend told me what happened and my ex admitted it when I confronted him. I have never spoken to him since. Did you break up right away? Yes. Did you talk to him at all? Yes. See above. See him? No. Sleep with him again? Definitely not. Get back together? Nope. Not going to ever happen. Ever.
cherryade Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 What was it like? He cheated. Once. He confessed straight away and dumped me for her. What happened afterwards? I haven't spoken to him - but it was only two weeks ago. I think he's with her now. Did you break up right away? Yes. Did you talk to him at all? No. He hasn't tried to get in touch. See him? No. It's long distance. Sleep with him again? I probably would. Because I'm stupid. Get back together? I probably would. Because I'm stupid.
Trialbyfire Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 So I'm asking the ladies who've been cheated on, what was it like? Horrific. What happened afterwards? I helped karma out and took back what he took from me. Did you break up right away? Divorced him as fast as legally possible. Did you talk to him at all? Between periods of NC, yes. See him? A few times. Sleep with him again? You've got to be kidding me. I had problems even having him within arms-length for months after the divorce. Get back together? Never. Life's too short to waste time. We still talk here and there. Surprisingly, I've forgiven him. It doesn't mean I'm ever going to want an instant replay for the most traumatic period of my life.
marlena Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 What was it like? Like being in labour. Maybe worse. What happened afterwards? He married his affair partner. Did you break up right away? Yes.I was at the lawyer's office the very next day. Did you talk to him at all? Not for five years. Unless it was to pass the phone on to our daughter. See him? Yes, today we are friends, spend holidays together and go out at weekends quite often. Sleep with him again? No, he tried it while he was married to the other woman. I told him to get off my body and that I was in love with someone else (which was true)!! Ah, sweet revenge!! Sheesh! He'd even call up for phone sex! Get back together? Not even if he were the last man on planet Earth. I even tell him so all the time!!
Chinook Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Sleep with him again? No, he tried it (while he was married to the other woman. I told him to get off my body and that I was in love with someone else (which was true)!! Ah, sweet revenge!! Get back together? Not even if he were the last man on planet Earth. I even tell him so all the time!! Yea, this made me think about something. I think there are two kinds of women in this situation. Those who will always have faith and hope that the lying dog could change and give another chance... and those who, once it's gone, it's gone. Seems I'm the latter..
marlena Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Those who will always have faith and hope that the lying dog could change and give another chance... No, I outgrew that stage a long time ago. Now, I know that "what you see is what you get."
Author premiumjet Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 Thanks for all these answers so far. My exgf has finally just slept with me once and we spent an entire week end together, but havent heard from her since. Some say she did it to give me one last taste of what I'm never gonna get again. Others here have said she's hot and cold because she's so hurt and confused. What do you think? Sounds like none of you that have answered so far were hot and cold at all, different than my ex.
Chinook Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 It could be that she was/is confused. What can happen is that whilst she is with you, she's likely to feel more for you, when she's away from you she's likely to recall why she feels like crap and so is less inclined to want to reply to you or be in contact. Who can say which way it will go...?! I guess you have to give it time. I'm not sure you should be seeing the fact that she slept with you as a positive thing. I could have seen myself doing that back then because I was lost and hurt and all I wanted was my guy back... but I know for a fact, I would have felt like crap afterwards and I would still have walked away even if he hadn't (which incidentally was why he walked, he later told another friend he didn't want to experience the humiliation of begging and rejection because he knew that's how it would be).
Author premiumjet Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 Thanks Chinook. Maybe she is regreting the week end together, which sucks cause it did give me hope. My buddy says she's either f-ing with me to hurt me or she has no backbone cause she slept with me. Could the backbone thing be true?
Chinook Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Thanks Chinook. Maybe she is regreting the week end together, which sucks cause it did give me hope. My buddy says she's either f-ing with me to hurt me or she has no backbone cause she slept with me. Could the backbone thing be true?I don't think that she is f-ing with you - women don't tend to be wired that way but yes, she could be regretting what happened now. The only sure way you will know is by asking her outright. It might be that you need to just lay off and give her some time. As long as she knows you regret being unfaithful, there isn't a great deal more you can do until she gets it straight in her mind.
Author premiumjet Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Youre right Chinook. I wonder why she's not the way these women posted here were, just done with me for good?
Touche Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 You wonder why she's not like some of the women here and why she's not done with you for good? I don't know. I've never had a man cheat on me personally. Normally, I can spot them a mile away and wouldn't even give them the time of day. So someone like you, no offense, wouldn't have a chance with someone like me. I've made many mistakes in my life. But going out with someone who would cheat on me was never one of them. Leave her be. Unless she's a total doormat, you have lost. Actually from what you said, she IS a total doormat. Good luck with that. Because a smart woman who knows her worth, will not continue dating a cheater and a dog.
Author premiumjet Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Actually from what you said, she IS a total doormat. Good luck with that. Why do you say "good luck with that?"
Touche Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Why do you say "good luck with that?" Why do I say that? Because of course she will get back with you. No question. But you'll have no respect for her in the end. You will cheat on her again, most likely. And you will have no respect for her. She is probably a clingy mess of a woman. And who wants to be with that kind of woman, right? That's why I said "good luck with that." Any other questions?
immizunderstood Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Touche is saying good luck with that because evenually you will do it again and will get tired of walking all over her. Your gf sounds young and hasn't yet discovered her worth. Hopefully she will wake up and do with you as she must. Which is, let go. No judgement here but you sound like you secretly want her not to have a backbone. I hope I'm wrong because if so she really doesn't deserve someone who doesn't wish the best for her. It comes off like you're using her weakness to your advantage after you've alreadly betrayed her. Please say it ain't sooo...
immizunderstood Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Wow Touche! Your response came in first. Well at least I know I was right. LOL:cool:
Author premiumjet Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Touche she hasnt been acting clingy, just hot and cold, like sometimes nice but then she can get real mad when we talk. And she stops talking to me all the time. And I'm totaly surprised she hasnt contacted me at all since our week end... (that week end took a LONG time to get to btw), so thats not clingy at all. Thats why my buddy says she might be doing a 180, flipping it on me?
Touche Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 immi! Too funny! Yep we were saying the same thing! Premium, puhleeze. She's playing with you. Trust me. Keep away from her and she'll be back. It's a question of probabilities. I mean I can be wrong. But most women will come crawling back to men like you....as long as you stay away. Trust me on this. Truly good and quality women would dump your ass. But I'm not getting the sense that she is. She doesn't think she can do better. Watch. Ignore her and watch how she keeps contacting you...you'll see.
Chinook Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Touche she hasnt been acting clingy, just hot and cold, like sometimes nice but then she can get real mad when we talk. And she stops talking to me all the time. And I'm totaly surprised she hasnt contacted me at all since our week end... (that week end took a LONG time to get to btw), so thats not clingy at all. Thats why my buddy says she might be doing a 180, flipping it on me?Um, you cheated on her, she has a right to be mad with you. I don't think she is playing you to get at you. But she definitely is in the decision-making mind set it would seem. If I were you I wouldn't do anything at the moment. If you push her, she's likely to flip out and walk away (assuming that you're wanting her back with all this). Secondly, the fact that you're making a comment about her getting mad and playing you would lead me to suspect that you don't actually take her or her feelings seriously and it seems to me that you're simply going after her because she kicked you to the curb. It's my prediction that even if you guys get back together it will not work out now with this level of disrespect and distrust.
Dmoney28 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Ok. Forgivness depends on ther person. Some people can forgive ( my pops cheated, mother forgave them, married 32 years). Some people cannot. There is no right or wrong...no unviersal "doormat" or "stone heart" when it comes to cheating. It depends on the person. Who are we to judge if a person takes or rejects thier ex. If a person cannot forgive then he/she can just walk away and move on...thats the thier choice, no one can say otherwise. If a person can forgive and works with thier partner, then good...they move on and stay together...no one can say otherwise. Everyone makes mistakes...everyone. If a person learns from there mistake and moves on in a positive direction, with/without thier partner, thats the most important thing. But the important thing is the person who cheated needs to do some serious soul searching. Take time to themselves to handle thier issues...psychologist sessions, counselling or whatever. There has to be a true 180 in thier thinking and actions. The cheater has to feel true remorse for betraying and hurting thier partner. Because no matter how bad you're hurting...thier hurting way more than you can imagine. Before you can even hope she takes you back...YOU HAVE TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER..period Now young man...what have you done since the breakup to show you are remorseful? What have you physically done to change your attitude? What actions have you taken to show her you are truly sorry. What kind of apology did you give. Has you're thing really changed?....You have to ask yourself these questions. Do you want her back because you love her...or want her? Talk is cheap...actions speak louder than words. Hot and Cold?...i told you on your last post. This girl is on a emotional rollercoaster. Anger, confusion, hurt, insecurity. Honestly you're lucky you got that far. I know some women who would slash your tires and want some serious revenge. TIME and SPACE my friend. She has to heal. She needs to get her mind right. Respect her space...if she wont answer your calls...um, yeah, she's Angry. Leave her be. She'll contact you when/if she is rdy. I'm telling you from experience...you cannot rush this. Dont pressure her into anything...she will hate you for it. Even if you got back together right now....she wont be healed. She'll wake up one day and say "this ***hole is going to do this to me again". She wont respect you, she wont trust you. You right now my friend need to invest in yourself. Make some changes in your life. Maybe months from now , if she still loves you, will see these changes....see you are a better person...and will have some respect for you again. I know you want to see her...i know you want to call her. But right now you lost that privillege. Let this work its way out natrually if you want a lasting relationship. Will it hurt..oh yeah. Will you miss her..oh yeah. Will you cry...yeah, if you really love her. This is a marathon, not a 100 meter dash. 1 weeks after my ex dumped me because i cheated, i sat in my room for a week...drinking whiskey, crying and listening to blues music...i couldnt sleep, i couldnt eat. I felt like crap all the time. Me and my ex talked. The only reaon was because she loved me, and was in that state of shock. I sat thier in my room and thought "im a real **hole...what did i do...why did i do this to her"..thats when i made a choice...to better myslef as a person. 2 psychologist sessions a month, group couselling and church 3 times a week to get my morals back. I read countless websites on betrayl and the cycle of shock, sorrow, anger and insecurity. I bought 3 books on communication, "The five languages of Apolgy" and Betryal...and i read all 3. This is over a 3 month period. And i finally came to terms with my actions. I supported her during all of this...when technicaly she could have ignored me. I tried to explain over and over and over again why i cheated and lied. I sat through many angry calls and tears. I just wanted her to get closure and forgive me. I did everything i cold both physically and emotionaly to show her i loved her....cuz right then and there, she didnt know...because i cheated...i broke her trust. She saw some changes, and thats why we stayed in contact. She was wondering if these changes are real....and will they last. Is he doing this just to get me back...and then revert back into a lying scumbag cheat. I know i wont cheat...but she dosent know that i wont. Time will tell. People who love one another do not hurt each other. We make mistakes...but be ready to live with the outcome. We got through the worst of it...but i still dont know if i get another chance...most likely not. But i learned form this. I learned form the pain. And i can say without hesitation....i will never cheat again. So my friend. If you want a sliver of a chance to KEEP her...start making some changes. This will take a LONG time...a very LONG time for her to get past this...if she can. I still cry almost 4 months later because of what i did to her, and because i miss her.
Trialbyfire Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Bear in mind that forgiveness doesn't mean wanting someone back into a relationship. You can forgive and still walk away.
Dmoney28 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 thats a good point. Forgivness dosent mean reconciliation...it means closure in most cases.
porter218 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Ok, so I was a dog and cheated on my gf, and she dumped me. It's been 3 months. I'm trying to see things from her side and this site has helped alot. So I'm asking the ladies who've been cheated on, what was it like? What happened afterwards? Did you break up right away? Did you talk to him at all? See him? Sleep with him again? Get back together? It an awful thing to go through. The last time I went through this I did leave him immediately. We didn't talk for a couple weeks even though we had a child together. I wanted him dead and if the law didn't stand in my way he would have been 6 ft under. I harboured a lot of hate for a very long time and we hardly spoke for almost 1 yr. At the time we were married with 1 child together. I have never hated someone sooooo much in my life, and my hate is volatile and dangerous. We have now managed to get back together and repair some of the damage, but a little hate will always remain. I will never fully trust him again but we seem to be ok now that a couple years have passed. To some degree I feel like I have been robbed of my peace of mind. But on the bright side we are still married, now living together again, now have 2 kids, and relatively happy. We only recovered from this because we have always been deeply in love with each other....very deeply.
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