brenda collins Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I am 22. I met this guy at a friends party a few weeks ago. I did not speak to him much, but he tracked me down on face book and asked me out for drinks. I wasnt really looking for anything as i was happy with my single life but i had an amazing time... We kissed and it all just felt so natural and amazing. He was quick to ask me out again and i saw him this weekend. Again we had an amazing night... he kept telling me how amazing i was and how natural things felt between us. He had come to meet me in my neck of the woods and it was late when we finished our date, so he asked if he could stay in the spare room. (I live with my parents) he stayed over, we obviously wanted to sleep with one another but went to bed in seperate rooms. I really like this guy, so much so that I am freaking out. My last boyfreind was controlling and minipulitive and although that ended a year and a half ago I managed to have another bad experience with a commitment phobe... I dont want to get hurt again and i have already really fallen for this guy.... I just want advise on how to handle this situation. Also where does this go from here? he asked to see me today, but I was exhausted from the weekend... how long before I know if this is going to progress into a relationship or what?? how do I know if he wants a relationship or is another commitment phobe?
Tony T Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 You need to chill lady. This thing is VERY young. Just take your time. If you get so caught up in where things are headed, you will sabotage the who deal. He asked you out for today, you were tired and declined. That was good. Now let him ask you out again...or you ask him...either way. However, if you start appearing too eager to him it will be a big turn off after the chemicals wear off. Just go slow and give him a run for his money. Don't be so concerned about where this goes. Mark my words, if he finds out just how smitten you are his own excitement will be diminished. I hope your real name is NOT Brenda Collins because if he ever Googles your name and reads this thread your goose is cooked.
Nemo Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I hope your real name is NOT Brenda Collins because if he ever Googles your name and reads this thread your goose is cooked. Hahahahaha. I shouldn't laugh. I'm sure it's a creative pseudonym.
Author brenda collins Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 dont worry! i may feel this way but i would never tell him any of this! I always play it cooll This is just how i feel inside! I just want to know does anyone think from what i might have told u bout him that he seems like he wants a relationship with me????????????
Tony T Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 dont worry! i may feel this way but i would never tell him any of this! I always play it cooll This is just how i feel inside! I just want to know does anyone think from what i might have told u bout him that he seems like he wants a relationship with me???????????? Now tell me, how are we supposed to have your answers based on what you have told us? It sounds like the normal amount of beginning interest to me, nothing more...based on what you have said. Also, based on what you have written, you are falling for this guy WAY TOO SOON!!!
sid3 Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I agree with Tony T.....it is way too early to be falling for anyone. Try managing your expectations, doing so will help you protect your heart. Focus on the now, because that is what will determine whether or not there is a later.
murphomatic Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I agree with many of the positions stated here. Be very careful making love-determinations so early in a relationship. The euphoria of the "Honeymoon Period" will cause you to overlook or downplay things that you may find unacceptable later on. Also keep in mind that the relationship is young, so the both of you are only still showing off the best parts of yourselves. It takes time to truly get to know someone, and nothing will speed that process up.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I think you should go on some dates with other guys. Just to keep things CASUAL and not jump in too soon. You need a little bit of perspective...you're getting way too absorbed with this guy. Live it up a little. Otherwise, count on him running.
BubblyPopcorn Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I am 22. I met this guy at a friends party a few weeks ago. I did not speak to him much, but he tracked me down on face book and asked me out for drinks. I wasnt really looking for anything as i was happy with my single life but i had an amazing time... We kissed and it all just felt so natural and amazing. He was quick to ask me out again and i saw him this weekend. Again we had an amazing night... he kept telling me how amazing i was and how natural things felt between us. He had come to meet me in my neck of the woods and it was late when we finished our date, so he asked if he could stay in the spare room. (I live with my parents) he stayed over, we obviously wanted to sleep with one another but went to bed in seperate rooms. I really like this guy, so much so that I am freaking out. My last boyfreind was controlling and minipulitive and although that ended a year and a half ago I managed to have another bad experience with a commitment phobe... I dont want to get hurt again and i have already really fallen for this guy.... I just want advise on how to handle this situation. Also where does this go from here? he asked to see me today, but I was exhausted from the weekend... how long before I know if this is going to progress into a relationship or what?? how do I know if he wants a relationship or is another commitment phobe? Well at least you know you're smitten, I was so smitten once and I didn't realize how much I had been until it knocked me flat on my butt. I guess just try to distance yourself and pace it out, keep yourself busy with other things and, good luck lol.
Vergerus Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Isn't it funny that, from the archetypal start, the best qualities may seem to be presented, perhaps from intent or mutual deception, etc., the qualified attitudes that you later have are seen as real determinations when you are at ease, maturity with the situation; but, isn't this the advised mode, course, of current relationships; when does it start out lazy and awkward, without excellent presentation, with a wide semblance of truth? -All the time I think, but never allowed! I think it is difficult to judge people or their positions when they are organized according to these sentiments, but it is not so difficult when one is honest, that is, sincere-yet it is still difficult, especially when you do not know what this means; even I don't know what I'm talking about. I think it is because you must act and cannot properly reflect on such actions becuase you are not able to do so. But what is commitment, or a phobia of it? Are not you already always ethically committed or is it again mutual deception. 'Where does it go from here?', it goes on, more dates will reveal each to the other, these meetings are no different than what would otherwise have happened--the outcome of infatuation. But you must be careful to use enough reason without compromising your feelings, instead divulge them; you say you obviously wanted to sleep together after the second date, what does this mean, for you say he asked to stay in another room. And what would you expect, but it does not matter. I say you must be forthright with yourself and the other, fast or slow, it is always young, but you must direct it, against all morality and right judgment; if you are deceived, no matter, but how could you be if you have remembered being alive. It would be nice if we weren't concerned with how things go but that is already how we act, instead, to compromise with this and appropriate your feelings will tame your fear; we must not always be seducers. I agree with many of the positions stated here. Be very careful making love-determinations so early in a relationship. The euphoria of the "Honeymoon Period" will cause you to overlook or downplay things that you may find unacceptable later on. Also keep in mind that the relationship is young, so the both of you are only still showing off the best parts of yourselves. It takes time to truly get to know someone, and nothing will speed that process up.
Author brenda collins Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 more advice please....
manugeorge Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 more advice please.... It's nice to be smitten, enjoy the butterflies, they only come around once in a while. But don't lose sight of reality and don't forget to pace yourself. You hardly know the guy and no one can tell you if this will turn into a relationship or not. You just have to watch and wait. It's the nature of love.
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