hereandnow Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Well, it's been 3 days since I had lunch with my ex gf. 3 days has been the longest I've gone without contact since our breakup 3 weeks ago. At our lunch I asked if she'd care to go dancing with me this weekend (something we never did and I know she'd like to) and she said no, she had plans to go to an event and she wanted to honor our break. Like a fool I asked if we still had a shot and she said that we should just honor the break up and do our own thing for now. Besides that lunch was good. So here I am going through the DABDA stages all at once. I'll be in denial one minute, depressed the next, angry the next. And then I'll be minding my own business and here comes Mr. Hope frolicking down the hill, like Pan and his flute, coming to fill my head with dreams of a future with her. Son of a b****! It's not like this is the first hard time I've come across. I've been through some serious s*** in my life and come through. But this seems to be taking longer than anything to pass. I'm 27 and my life is better than it's ever been, but I feel worse than I've felt in a really long time. Point is, I'm itching for contact, well I say contact but really I'm itching to get her back. For some reason I get really twitchy at this 3 day mark. Any support is greatly appreciated!
bubblegum Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Hey, think of it this way... you're in a good position now. She just had a good lunch with you, you expressed interest in a little more, she denied you. Ok, so typically you can't keep NC for more than 3 days. She knows this. So now you actually are a little on top. By pushing through the day mark, and continuing NC for days to come, you'll get her attention. Without a doubt, she'll notice. And your absence will get her thinking about what she said during lunch, just how serious her comments were, and their consequences. More importantly, meanwhile you will have been healing and getting stronger, moving forward because of the NC.
Author hereandnow Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 I appreciate your comment, BG. I feel best when I know that I did what I could, and that I left myself in a good position. Not exactly like giving myself false hope, but rather knowing that I left things in about as good a place as I could, thereby relieving me of the "Well, I'd better just get one more good shot in there so I know I did all that I could" syndrome. Anyway, just got back from a jog and now am smoking a cigarette as I type this. Gotta keep the universe in order here, the old yin and the yang! I try to keep both the good and evil wolf inside of me fed, makes for a more interesting psyche!
bubblegum Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Ha ha yin and yang, seems like you got a handle on it! Yeah, good you're not hanging onto false hope, and good you feel that you've left yourself in a good position. No regrets. Has she initiated contact with you during this breakup, or have you always been the one to break NC first?
msjules Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I never thought about it the way you put it, bubblegum. I have gone nine days without talking to my ex before and this time I'm 6 days into my best shot at NC since then. After day 9, he will start to wonder what's going on, hmmmm. Not that I am trying to manipulate him, I just want him to hurt as much as I hurt. Or heck, even 1/2 as much as I hurt would be okay. No longer am I thinking about when I will contact him again or when he will text me. I am just going for it. We were supposed to remain friends after we broke up, we promised each other that would be the case, but I don't think I can do it. It hurts too much. Thanks.
Author hereandnow Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 I've initiated contact more than she has. So now I'm just going to try and sit back and see what happens. Sometimes I really just feel hollow inside, it's rough. I think she's struggling with some things right now, and sometimes that seems like a good excuse to initiate contact too. From what she tells me she's just been going non-stop since the breakup, throwing herself into work and other things. I don't know that she's had much time to sit and think. Seems like she's trying not too. It hurts not to be there for her though, when she's going through a rough patch.
EmperorR Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I've been there, the first few days and weeks are teh hardest for NC, still checking your phone every few minutes for a text or a voicemail, still checking your email, feeling the urge to contact. But as the days turn to weeks you lose that, that itch that stomach feeling to contact, thinking about them 24/7. I'm nearly 60 days NC and no way I'm going to break it for anything.
Hurtbunny Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Hey here and now. You might want to read the post I just left about NC, I'm at 28 days. Emperor you are absolutely right with the itching thing - at the start it is excruciating. Your whole mind and thoughts are occupied with this person. I want you to know that I am well on my way to healing and yet I felt exactly the same as you did in the early stages. At day 3, I was climbing the walls. I thought I was going to crack but i got through it by writing letters to my ex (but not sending them). In the first week I think I was writing around 10 a day. Plus listening to sad songs, not getting dressed, sitting in the house and crying, bawling my eyes out. I allowed myself to grieve and I indulged in the grief. That was a month ago and I can honestly say I couldn't give a monkeys about getting back with that guy. The pain ofc is still there and the hurt is still there - but i don't feel like i need him in my life. I think the longer you can maintain it the more you will start to feel the same way. Well done for the 3 days though - I know in the first week every hour feels like a day and every day like a week! lol! H x
Author hereandnow Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 Well had a little setback. I went to see a movie and a friend of a friend was talking about how he hung out with her over the weekend. So yesterday I sent her an e-mail and she replied. But in the e-mail I told her that I'd rather her not contact me, unless it's something I want to hear! It was hard to do, but oh well, feel like I got some power back.
bubblegum Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Good for you. Now that you've told her not to contact you, stay strong and don't contact her - doing so would send mixed messages about how serious you are about NC. Stay strong!
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