Let go of old flame for him same week he acts like he wants to leave, what can I do?

[firecrasher]

I should have added: Another girl "made an offer" to the title.

 

I've been involved with a dear friend/bandmate of mine for a little over a year. I'm 26, he's 23. The only reason it wasn't official was because I had a Thing for someone who I've known for years and was deployed. The first six months were great, incredibly meaningful sexual relationship, and then it started to dwindle a little bit since we both got sick! Around the summer I became sad because I was mentally letting go of the Army Guy since I realised all he wanted was sex, and my friend could offer me so much more. My friend and I have taken care of each other and I was an idiot to not tell him I really loved him before - we said it jokingly to each other but I honestly thought he knew. He seemed a bit more distant this summer and I asked if everything was okay, he said it was fine, he still felt the same about me. He took me out a few weeks ago and said that he loves me, he will always love me, and if I pick him we will have a deeply meaningful relationship again.

 

Well last week I did it and left the Army Guy and told my friend I loved him. He disappeared for about 3 weeks, we used to talk for hours every day on the phone and online and spend every weekend together, and I noticed that a girl on Facebook kept leaving messages about him being her boyfriend and stuff. I finally tracked him down because of concert tickets, I asked about his new Facebook friend and and on the way he said "Someone else made me an offer, I didn't accept it but I don't know how I feel, lets back this up and spend more time together like a couple weeks ago and start again." She's ALSO a musician. I told him how much I really loved him, that I've been in love with him for a long time, that I love everything about him, and I won't push him. If he wants a relationship, he's the only one in my life now. He said he loved me but didn't know if he could be in a relationship because I was so sad, I explained that I was sad because it was hard to let go of someone who I've loved for so long (the Army Dude never loved me back and it took 5 years to realise that), and that sadness is gone because I picked him. You would think he'd be happy, right? He's always been left by women before, he goes head over heels for them and then they use him or treat him like crap or cheat on him. He's said I'm the best thing he's ever had... and was worried he messed up one of the best friendships he's ever had by not dealing with it six months ago (or we'd be together now). He promised to be better to me, to call me back (and did) and we both agreed to take it one day at a time and hugged. He promised to tell me immediately if his feelings went one way or the other. It sounded pretty positive.

 

NOW it's been a few days since then... this girl's leaving more and more messages and pictures of her kissing his cheek, he's not responding and hasn't changed his status. He never said anything to me about actually feeling something for her, just that he didn't know what he wants.

 

I told him the lure of someone new and Fun can look great, but there's also a person who is making you an offer who has been there and loved you for a year, even when things went horribly wrong for you.

 

I'm leaving in a few hours to go overseas i and there's nothing I can do now but wait. I sent him a nice little voicemail saying that I picked music, and I'm looking forward to seeing him when I get back and starting again, and that I love him. They are all true.

 

If he can't decide what he wants, or wants to end the relationship, HE needs to tell me, not some chick on Facebook making goo-goo faces at him (which is not love). It's WAY too easy for me to tell him IT'S OVER than for him to face up to whatever his feelings really are.

 

In the past week, I feel like I've lost both men, and my dream of being a musician with my friend, we were going to do so much, and I had just given up the fact that music meant more than applying to grad school! So over five years of hopes and dreams are potentially lost, and I have a bad living situation, and our interests are so mutual there is literally nothing in my life that doesn't remind me of him. I've only had long-distance relationships with unstable men who have left me without a trace, I don't know what the dissolution of a close relatinoship is like, and he promised me multiple times to never leave me. He found his fiance in bed with another guy and knows that this is like.

 

I suppose my questions:

 

1) WHAT DO I DO NOW?!?!?!

 

2) I know not to beg and plead and scream and be horribly cruel or there IS no hope for us at all, as friends, as anything. I just don't want him to just never respond. Not fair when you have a lot of each other's things! And promises!

 

3) If he has left, what do I do to get him back? He's such a huge part of my life and the best chance I have at a musical future. I know cutesy stuff on Facebook does not equal real love and caring (he is often very ill and hides it, I'm one of the few people who knows), and it's quite likely that after the infatuation stage, things will fall apart. I know I can't bet on that.

 

So what can I do to show him (quietly) that I really want him back? It's hard when someone won't even take your calls!

 

I feel like I've lost more than my whole life ------- in the same week I've lost the Army guy for my musician friend, decided that my future was with music instead of pursuing a graduate education (and therefore music with HIM), and NOW may have lost him too!!!!!!

 

And I'll be out of the country for a week with no say in the matter and no opportunity to show him how much happier I have been since I opened up to him.

 

Please help!