lostgirl77 Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 So I've been dating this guy for about 3-4 months now. We had great chemistry. We always have fun when we go out. We have been intimate, until we had our first major argument and he tried to break things up with me. It was a complete shock to me coz all I wanted was to bring up an issue so we can talk about it but I didn't know he has all these other issues about me, that I've no idea about. Granted, I can become very bratty sometimes, I would like to know about it and resolve my issues but not this way when everything has piled up and I felt like Im totally helpless now and I can't defend myself. So anyways, he told me that he still has feelings for me but he wanted to take things slow. We have stopped being intimate and I feel like I have so many restrictions as to what I can and cannot do, restrictions that I have put on myself in response to his "taking this slow" situation. I am a very affectionate person, so I have to stop myself everytime I feel like I wanna be close to him - in person or on the phone. Fast forward, just a week later, we have started to see each other again once a week for dinner, each time we have fun. But the next day, it comes right back to not texting each other or calling each other again. He would say hi via text in most days and see how work is but thats about it. Nothing sweet. Three weeks after, we became intimate for the first time - but I do not know if that was from the wine we drank at dinner. Next day, its back to barely texting each other. I asked him if he wanted to see a movie with me this week sometime, and he said yes. The only thing is I initiated it so who knows if that counts as interest. Granted I am aware of his issues that all came about after we decided to take things slow, I feel like at this point I am not sure about his feelings for me really. He's very busy with work. He's busy finding a new apartment. He has family issues. And I'm sure these are all valid and I am really trying very hard to understand and back off a little bit. Sometimes I just feel neglected. I will be out of the country in about two weeks, and will not be back until end of December. Do you think I should talk to him before I leave, or wait until I get back? Also, how do I say things so that he doesn't feel pressured about me considering he has all these other more important issues to deal with. I care for this man and I really hope things will work out for us but I am clueless as to what I should be doing, and what I should be compromising for now.
Author lostgirl77 Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 anybody who can give some insight please? Really confused here.
torranceshipman Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I think you need an immediate conversation, to ask him where you stand. You've given him a few weeks, you're taking it slow, you've done what he asked, but he doesnt seem to move past zero and clearly this R is not making you happy. Maybe he's right about the brattiness, but then again not everyones perfect and you seem to have worked v.hard in changing that one thing-you've shown him that, but he hasnt communicated anything back to you in return. Dont waste your Decemer vacation worrying about this-ask him to talk to you and also tell him how you feel. Good or bad-then at least you get an answer and to know where you really stand. Good luck!
Author lostgirl77 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 I do have plans of talking to him but considering he is having all these other personal issues, I do not want to put more pressure on him. I'm thinking to just back off more, and see what he does. When I say back off, like not initiating communication/plans to go out. But I will of course respond to his messages if he sends me one. I am thinking of doing this while I am still sorting out my feelings for him and whether or not I can continue with this. I know it's gonna be hard for me but at the same time I also want to be considerate about his issues. What do you guys think?
Author lostgirl77 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 any other insights,please?
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