FrustratedHell Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Hi All, My girlfriend and I have been going out for six rocky months. A few weeks ago after another fight I asked her what we are doing and if she wanted to break up with me, she said she didn't know. She proceeded to gave me another ultimatum on her conditions blah, blah, blah then walked away from me. I was angered again by her making me out to be the bad guy again, and her lack of wanting to resolve issues in the moment. So I walked away from her as well. I haven't spoken to her in a couple of weeks(except for one unlucky encounter when she spotted me with my Dads girlfriend in my car & my Dad was in the back seat of course, but she thought I was cheating on her and proceeded to leave me a nasty message on my cell. I would never cheat on her and never have! Anyways, we work together and are ignoring one another. I see her checking me out though in glass reflections around our work place. We seem to be playing a pride game and a silence lock out. Nobody has officially ended the relationship. There is also a chance that she may be pregnant but I don't know for sure. Wouldn't she initiate contact if she was pregnant(although it may be too early for her to know). I am really confused by her behavior and her not contacting me atleast to ask for her key back...is she still holding on to me? Thanks in advance for any responses!
bubblegum Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Hmm, well let's see. Has she gone silent like this on you before? Have the fights you've had before ever culminated in "do you want to break up" and ultimatems?
Author FrustratedHell Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 Hi Bubblegum thanks for your response! She is quite controlling and wants me to change, and pretty much alludes to if I don't change my behavior we don't have a future together. We have "broken up" before but this is the longest we have gone without contact. Is she playing a game with me (wanting me to come back crawling on my knees) or is she moving on? Wouldn't she ask for her key back?
MichiganMan222 Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 What is the behavior she wants you to change? Is it remotely possible that there IS something to change? I can tell you this...whether unfair or not, if you don't respond to what she is telling you to change, she will be gone....maybe not this time, but one of these times. You won't convince her she's wrong. You'll only confirm to her that you will not change what's bothering her. She's not playing a game. Something's bothering her. Might want to address that if you want to keep her.
norajane Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Actually, it sounds like she's waiting for you to consider and address the issues she's raised. If your relationship has always been rocky and the fights and breaking up and getting back together are common, then neither of you has ended anything. This is just one more fight, one more break-up.
bubblegum Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Yes, MichiganMan is right, I don't think she's playing a game. She's unhappy with something and you need to talk with her about it calmly. And think hard about if what she's asking for is realistic or not. If not, tell her why. The main focus here is on sitting down together and having a calm discussion. Right now it seems to be a waiting game.
bubblegum Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 In the past, when you've had these fights and not spoken for a few days or whatever, do you talk things through when you pick it up again, or sweep things under the rug?
MichiganMan222 Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 In the past, when you've had these fights and not spoken for a few days or whatever, do you talk things through when you pick it up again, or sweep things under the rug? I know what you're getting at and its exactly right. OP, please try to avoid getting complacent that she'll be back automatically. That's what happens with on/off/on/off/etc relationships. You will be waiting for her to come back (as usual) and in the meantime she's had enough and detaching herself from you. Be careful. If you value your relationship, take this very seriously. Women ride roller-coasters for awhile, but they hate them more than anything and eventually drum up the courage to jump off. Once off, they will never get back on.
Author FrustratedHell Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 Thanks for all the responses girls & guys!! In truth the girl is pretty much a train wreck, but admittedly, I fell for her. She has troubled past with a miscarriage one abortion and one kid from another guy. A history with drugs & alcohol aswell. The root of the problem is because of her past, I have a hard time trusting her. I would start arguments because of her inconsistent behavior and she is sick of the fighting. Her behavior is push & pull, hot & cold and it drives me mad!! It constantly leaves me off balance and causes most of the problems in the relationship. She is very controlling and once she gets you to do what she wants, she will find something else to complain about. A couple of weeks ago we broke up, I froze her out and she came back. She declared I was the love of her life, but later took that sentiment back during a fight later in the week LOL who does that??!! I just don't understand her and I do really care about her but I just don't know what do to anymore.
bubblegum Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 It sounds kind of like you two don't ever really sit down and talk things through, that even if you try it turns into an argument and she gets (from your perspective) emotional and demanding... do I have it right? If that's the case how can you ever have a mature relationship with her?
mark982 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 you haven't spoke for a couple weeks, and still consider yourselves a couple? to me she sounds controling. and basically has way to much baggage. if your miserable now. just marry her.
Chinook Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 She may not need the key if she changed the locks. Even 5 lever mortice locks can have the mechanism removed and reconfigured. Same with barrell locks and it's only $70/£35 a throw. Might be worth it if she really did walk away. Saying that, why are you chasing her with all that baggage and when she's clearly controlling and making you miserable..?!
BCCA Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Wow... You met someone who sounds just like an ex of mine. Let me guess, you have issues with her behavior, but instead of taking you seriously, her resolve is that YOU just need to stop worrying about it, right? And everytime you ask her to do something to make you feel better, her response is that YOU are actually the one that needs to do something or shes gone, right? Thats called projective manipulation. She knows she has issues, but its much easier - for her, if the world would just change around her so she doesnt have to admit fault or do a damn thing her self. Do you like this? I'm guessing not, so nip it in the bud RIGHT NOW. Listen to me, she is never going to change. Her entire view on relationships seems to be skewed toward whats good for her right now. She took back that you were the love of her life? How petty and ridiculous is that? Dont walk, RUN in the opposite direction of this girl. How does she not know if shes pregnant? Tell her to go get a test, and find out ASAP. If she drags her feet on doing it, chances are she's trying to manipulate you. She sounds like she has serious issues that you are never going to be able to fix, and she is just going to make you misserable.
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