Peter_pan Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 nearly been a year and i still think of the ex a lot. havnt met anyone near as good as she was, where do i draw the line at continuing nc and contacting her letting her know i still love her and havnt moved on...... as i said in my going a tad insane post, its confusing situation because the way shes bought a house, so i would have to move back there to be with her,,, which im not really willing to do anyway because of a few reasons. i wouldnt want to give up what ive created again, for her to who knows leave me again when times get tough. trouble is, it is her i want. so its a complete mind f. i am going to ask my mate if she said anything along the lines of regretting what she did or missing me or what ever. since that was the only info ive heard from her asking about me ever since the break up
Geishawhelk Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 The more you compare, the less you'll draw the line. The fact that you compare others to her, instead of accepting them at their own value, is actually very insulting to them. It's unkind to do that, and if you can't stop doing it - don't date! That you haven't moved on is completely your problem, not hers. To stay stuck in Limbo is a choice you've made. She's patently, clearly moved on. She's bought a house and is living her life. The last thing she's going to be receptive to, is you digging up the dirt again and muddying the waters. 1 week, I could understand. 1 Month, well ok, if you think it would help. 1 year? No way.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 so why was she sniffing around when she wasnt with him anymore? we were together 3 years not like it was only 8 months. the fact a month before she met this guy she was telling me about her dreams of our child... i dont even know if i could handle friendship, or maybe its easier than i think im just scared?
EmperorR Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 so why was she sniffing around when she wasnt with him anymore? we were together 3 years not like it was only 8 months. the fact a month before she met this guy she was telling me about her dreams of our child... i dont even know if i could handle friendship, or maybe its easier than i think im just scared? People change just like that, the friday before my ex left for her vacation she was on the phone crying, please don't cheat or talk to any girls while I'm gone I love you so much more than anything, a few days later shes screwing a guy halfway around the world. People change in a flash
foxh1234 Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 so why was she sniffing around when she wasnt with him anymore? we were together 3 years not like it was only 8 months. the fact a month before she met this guy she was telling me about her dreams of our child... i dont even know if i could handle friendship, or maybe its easier than i think im just scared? Hi PP, I have said the same things to you 10 times now, I'm not going to repeat them again. You are doing the what if thing and wondering about what she was thinking at this time and that time. I hate to say this, but maybe you need this to get over her. Call her up or email her and ask her once and for all if there is any future for you, tell her you want to try again and listen to her answer. IMHO, one of 4 things will happen- 1. she will think you are pathetic for still being hung up after a year, 2. She will tell you that she does not want to be with you but maybe casual friends down the road, 3. She will tell you she has no interest in you at all and do not contact her again, she has moved on, 4. she will want you back. I feel like you are never going to listen to the advice about moving on and forgetting about her. I have told you everything I have learned about getting over someone but you have not moved in that direction. I am not trying to be an a hole PP, I am just hoping you will get better, sooner rather than later. If you need to hear her voice telling you that you are not what she wants, then please do it and see what happens.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I agree with Geisha and Fox, you keep creating problems for yourself. Its like even after a year you refuse to let go, you're afraid of the idea of her never coming back - but its been a year Peter! She isn't coming back!! Furthermore, If you and her are to have any sort of reconciliation, you NEED to get over her. I know it sounds weird but... Lets say you love her soley until the day she returns. Lets say that... 3 years from now. Okay. When you date any other woman, you cannot accept them fully because you compare them to your "ex". Well when you met your ex 3 years from now, I am sure she will have changed. If you're still in love with the memories of your ex, then its entirely possible your ex in the future will not be the same, at all, and you'll end up in yet another comparison situation, and you will come to realize you've been loving an image you created in your head. Now, if you legitimately get over your ex - may just longing for her when something sparks a memory of her or whatnot - but you are living completely independently of her otherwise, then IF she comes back (which we do not know will happen, probably won't though...) but if she does come back, you'll be able to appreciate her with a fresh outlook. What I am trying to say is... Look. Its not easy letting go. Trust me, I know, okay? But the really weird thing is - if you are hell bent on getting that second chance, or not losing it, then you actually have to give up, and live your own life. You need to forget her if you want any hopes of winning her back. Its ironic, its tragic, its strange. But if you are going to cling to a second chance, then go it - but do it the right way. As it stands, even if she came back, things would not work out because you never let yourself heal.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 ok guys. thats the thing, i know what everyone is saying and it makes sense but im finding it impossible to accept. im pretty sure i wouldn't get a reply, if i did it would probably be that she is happy with him now etc but how am i, what have i been up to. maybe i need to contact and have a go or what ever. least then i would have had the last say. thats probably whats bugging me more tbh, not that i cant be back with her, but she got away with it, without a single bit of anger directed at her. reason i didnt, cause i hoped she would come back. she didnt, so theres the line, is this what i need to do..? this in itself was holding on to hope... which your not supposed to... cause it seems to be the part that cant let go, the angry part, knowing that i cant go back even if i wanted to or had the chance, so if i do this, it will release everything. however im not stupid , i know its been many months, so for me to "dig it up" now is pointless. Again leading to more frustration.. and upset on my part. so its like i want to somehow tell her she is a bitch, but without the repercussion btw im not making another topic after this (unless something weird happens or i speak with her), or posting until new year, so i hope you lot are still here when i come back. i want to just stop talking about her because it makes me think more and more.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Its fine to keep posting, I get over my ex more each day, and posting helps me! I think saying you need to tell your ex off is just another excuse not to heal. You're pouring EVERYTHING into not having told her off, having her get away with something. Will yelling at her really fix you? No, I don't think it will. You are just convincing yourself it will when it won't. The only thing that can make you move on is you being like "okay, today I am moving on and this is what I'll do today to change it" If you absolutely believe you NEED to yell at her. Do it. Why the hell not. Its over anyways. You won't heal magically, maybe you will, who knows, but I don't think you will. If you need that satisfaction though, by all means, get it. Just don't expect it to be what will set you free. It could actually set you back!
foxh1234 Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 ok guys. thats the thing, i know what everyone is saying and it makes sense but im finding it impossible to accept. im pretty sure i wouldn't get a reply, if i did it would probably be that she is happy with him now etc but how am i, what have i been up to. maybe i need to contact and have a go or what ever. least then i would have had the last say. thats probably whats bugging me more tbh, not that i cant be back with her, but she got away with it, without a single bit of anger directed at her. reason i didnt, cause i hoped she would come back. she didnt, so theres the line, is this what i need to do..? this in itself was holding on to hope... which your not supposed to... cause it seems to be the part that cant let go, the angry part, knowing that i cant go back even if i wanted to or had the chance, so if i do this, it will release everything. however im not stupid , i know its been many months, so for me to "dig it up" now is pointless. Again leading to more frustration.. and upset on my part. so its like i want to somehow tell her she is a bitch, but without the repercussion btw im not making another topic after this (unless something weird happens or i speak with her), or posting until new year, so i hope you lot are still here when i come back. i want to just stop talking about her because it makes me think more and more. Hey PP, I know how you feel man, I really do. That's why I holler at you all the time to get over it, because I didn't listen to the advice given and I made all the mistakes in the beginning. Once I went complete NC and gave up all hope, I started to heal and feel like myself again. She also came back at the very moment I had truly let her go. I'm not saying that your ex will come back, but I want you to get to the point of not caring either way. Keep posting and healing, but stop the what if crap. It is useless and nothing good can come from it. I'm your friend man, and I want you to get back out there and find happiness. That day will come, and depending on how you handle things, it can come alot sooner. Take care bro.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 tv, yeah i kinda know deep down having a go at her wouldnt help and it probably would end up setting me back. i just think the whole thing is complete bollox. i didnt do anything wrong. or did i? she never said i did, she said it was her, she said "ive changed", "i would be lying to myself if i said yes to be back with you", "would you really want to be with someone if they were lying. ages ago when i txt her bm asking why she wouldnt talk to me, i did say in one of the txt's i didnt do anything wrong. she said, i dont think you did anything wrong. meaning thats what she thought? not wat the ex thought? she could have said, you "didnt" do anything wrong. or am i just reading into that way to much... i never got the how or why, it was just that she didnt want it anymore, at first, she said she didnt want to be "in a relationship" but she really meant, with me... then soon down the road she was with him. then i left the picture and it was all official, her calling him her bf etc arghhhhh just remebered what a DUMB thing it was to call her after the email and phone call whilst i was away. on the phone i said how could you do this to me, and she never answered. then when i called her, she had obviously thought about what id said, and she was just about to say why, but i justified it for her and said, i know its just you living your new life now..... WHY THE F DID I SAY THAT. im so pissed off at myself now. although at the time it was eating me alive not to call her now i knew she was with him, so i did it to try once more... stupidly. ino. i elevated her guilt. of course i didnt no what i was doing at the time, apart from trying to talk to her nicely to win her back. if i could have got it into my thick head i had no chance of changing her mind, i would have never had said that. i know this again is the what if's, but now i totally feel wrong for saying that. but she had some pathetic reason anyway i guess... i should have listened. i was to scared for her to say no again so jumped in... but it dont matter does it? or does it? i feel pretty **** for that convo, im glad at the time love s and friends stopped me from calling her after that. i would have only regretted more if i had said more learning from your mistakes is hard isnt it any advice on my stupidity. apart from its a what if, and its a life experience. i think i keep going over stuff because i am trying to justify for her why she left me or didn't want me back, which is why i go over everything again and again
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