ryanernieball Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 So me and my girlfriend have been going out for 6 months now, 5 months LDR. Im going to see her in less then a month, and I am staying with her for almost a month. For some reason though this last month is getting really hard to get through. About a week ago we talked on msn and she said she didn't know if she loved me as a boyfriend or a friend now. After we talked for awhile i was in tears and i just told her i had to go and signed off. Like a minute later i got a text from her saying to come back and she didn't mean any of it. She later told me that as soon as she realized what she had said that she couldn't imagine the thought of losing me and it hurt her really bad after she thought what she said. So then we were all lovey again. Since a few days ago though she has been acting weird. She seems really stressed, and doesn't talk to me as enthusiastically. I'm kind of starting to think that maybe this is all because of the lack of intimacy we have because of the distance. Is there anything I can do to reignite that intamacy? What should I do when i go visit her for that month? Thank you!
JoesGirl Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I might be able to help you a little. I was in a 3 yr LDR with my boyfriend from college. He went into the Military. We grew up and apart...but that is neither here nor there. Recently, I moved away from home for a job and left my new boyfriend back home. We have been apart 4 months now and wont be living in the same state until next summer. We've had some of those bumps in the past...however we have never said we dont know how we feel about one another. What do you both do to keep the spark alive? Do you send one another cards? Actually letters with a stamp not emails/ecards now. Do you send flowers every once in a while or a little something? Do you leave quick little messages in her text message inbox or online ? Honestly - its all about keeping the spark alive. But...remember - 2 people need to put in effort to make the relationship work. There really is nothing that one person can do to save it all. My thought is to talk through everything, see what you both need, and take it from there. You will know more when you see her. Good luck!
Island Girl Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 be careful with this one -- LDRs are hard enough without the added stress/worry about if the other person is in it 100 percent. The boyfriend or friend comment usually means she is viewing you as less virile, less respect, (sorry) a doormat. Have you been her "everything" and taking care of all of her needs even at the sacrifice of your own? That is a mistake. There HAS to be give and take. Believe me, I am a big b*tch on wheels and hard to have a relationship with because I am so demanding. I am with my husband not because he lets me run all over him but because he does NOT let me run all over him. -- The ones that did are long gone and got hurt in the process. My advice would just be completely and utterly honest. If you are feeling removed or whatever - just tell her. It is up to her to make accomodations for you too. Hope that makes sense?
awesomeness43 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 So this is really kinky, but it works. I, at first was hesitant when my ldr gf suggested we try this as we only get to see each other once or twice a month for only a few days. Something she read about in a cosmo or women magazine. Phone sex, or sending each other pictures through cell phone if possible. Both of you describe the past intercourse and relieve it while both of you play and try to finish each other. Yes, i am quite ashamed of this but in an ldr this makes you feel always with each other and also as a way of release.
Geishawhelk Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Yes, i am quite ashamed of this but in an ldr this makes you feel always with each other and also as a way of release. Why be ashamed of it? It's a very good tactic and it works. So where's the problem?
The LDR-er Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 hey ryanernieball, after reading ur post i feel like u are in the same time frame as me for seeing ur gf, 3months gone than one month seeing her, then back again, to be honest i really do think we hav it so much easier than a lot of LDR-er out there, don't take offence when i say you are a bit "wipped" i don;t think u should go back to tak to her stright after wht she said u hav every right to be angry with her if she is gonna tell u she doesn't know if u are her bf or friend, what kind of a thing is that to tak about on msn, you would think she will discuss it proplay with you on the phone on the subject like this ( do u guys tak on the phone? or u guys are not the phone type of couple?) but maybe it is both of ur fault that this hav happened, as other people hav mentioned u need to keep the spark alive, seems like you guys are not open to each other enough, as u don;t know what she is thinking if u know her well enough you will totally understand wht she thinks of you. and why she is acting weird i think the fundmental sucess to a LDR is talking about you feellings, then moving into the intamacy stuff, there is no point in doing the intamacy stuff when u both don;t understand each other at the start.
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