cutegirl Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 For example if your close friend has another circle of friends that you're not a part of (perhaps because that circle of friends doesn't want to meet new people or whatever)... do you ever get jealous? Do you ever also get twinges of jealousy if your friend has lots of other friends and does things with them and you're not part of it? Does it ever make you feel left out? Do you ever begrudge your friends having a busy social life?
carhill Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I know I should, especially when the friends are rich and cool, but I don't. This comes from being happy with my own life and path. There's only one time I feel something in such situations, and that is when my sixth sense tells me my/our friends are fishing for the BBD (bigger better deal) and waffle on invites. I institute the three strikes rule. After the third time, they're no longer invited nor receive the benefit of my substantial generosity. This often annoys my wife, but I'm a hard liner when it comes to expecting respectful treatment from people. Regarding busy social lives, I'm glad that people have them. That keeps them off my doorstep and provides me with the peace and quiet that I desire. It's why I live a good drive from civilization. If want to be with people, I just hop on an airplane
Author cutegirl Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 I know I should, especially when the friends are rich and cool, but I don't. This comes from being happy with my own life and path. There's only one time I feel something in such situations, and that is when my sixth sense tells me my/our friends are fishing for the BBD (bigger better deal) and waffle on invites. I institute the three strikes rule. After the third time, they're no longer invited nor receive the benefit of my substantial generosity. This often annoys my wife, but I'm a hard liner when it comes to expecting respectful treatment from people. Regarding busy social lives, I'm glad that people have them. That keeps them off my doorstep and provides me with the peace and quiet that I desire. It's why I live a good drive from civilization. If want to be with people, I just hop on an airplane The three strikes rule sounds like a good one... And that gets me thinking, are most people part of ALL of their friends social circles? For example, if you have a friend, are you a part of all of their social groups, or do they have cliques with other friends which you are not a part of, and if so, does that hurt your feelings? Is it normal for people to hang out with people separately and never all together? For example friend A will hang out with B and C separately but never ALL together (A, B, and C)? Perhaps cause B and C don't like each other or C is not interested in getting to know B, even though they all know A?
carhill Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 At our age, I would say we're just a small segment of friend's social circles. For example, I'll be eating dinner at my best friend's house tomorrow night. He, his wife and we are pretty close. However, he has his employees families (about 100 people total), many of whom I don't know, that he does things with. He has business colleagues, some of whom I know, who he does things with and a couple of separate circles of friends he socializes with. Then there's his wife That's just one example of one friend. I'm the same way. I have concentric circles of friends/acquaintances, and largely they remain separate except for big events, like parties or special family events in our life. Regarding getting along, IME, our friends get along much better with each other than they do with me
Geishawhelk Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I don't have any friends. But it doesn't worry me.
TabulaRasa Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Some people compartmentalize their friends. It could be that they have friends they don't think will get along and want to avoid discord, or they're afraid that their friends will get along too well and leave them out, or that they just enjoy socializing one on one or in smaller groups. Or, it could be something else entirely. It's difficult to say. I generally think it's fun when circles of friends intersect (say, when my boyfriend meets up with me and my work colleagues, or when a college friend visits me at home and hangs out with me and my childhood friends. But, there's always a risk that they dynamic will not be a good one, and some people are really leery about that.
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 No, I've never been jealous or begrudged my friends, their friends. Most of us end up eventually knitting in our other friends into the same group, anyways. Having a busy social life is everyone's personal choice to do or not to do. If I feel like it, I do it, if not, I don't.
Storyrider Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Since I started working, I no longer run into the cliques of women I had to pretend to like, and I feel 100 times better. If I like someone, I'll seek out their company, but I hate being forced into social scenarios due to circumstance.
Nemo Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Since I started working, I no longer run Take it at your own steady, gentle pace getting from place to place, I say, especially when you're on the company's time. Anyway, back to the original question. It's a precondition of friendship that people dump whatever other commitments they may have. Or, at least, understand that they need to drop everything and tend to my needs should something - no matter how trivial it might seem on the surface - arise. If they can't appreciate that I'm cooler than anybody else they might be tolerating in their lives, then they're not worth my time.
Storyrider Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 If they can't appreciate that I'm cooler than anybody else they might be tolerating in their lives, then they're not worth my time. :laugh: Someone once said to me, "If I could tolerate being around anyone, it would be you." I hold that statement close to my heart.
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