Is it better to be nice and open towards females or be cold and somewhat mysterious?

[Soop]

im just wondering, most online website's advice i've seen (not on here) states that you have to be more of a bad man and colder for females to be attracted to you, so they can learn more about you, sorta like a project i guess.

 

Basically want i am asking is simply if its better being nice and open towards females are be cold and somewhat mysterious? i know age is important with this type of question... i'm 17 so any girl i go after would be around that age.

 

I dunno, i've never had a girlfriend nor have i ever learned to care for another so i don't really know how too, i mean do i go up to a girl and just talk to her despite probably making a fool of myself? or what? One thing that has always been an issue with me is that when i see girls look at me i just think they are staring at me and thinking something along the lines of "eww what an ugly guy" which actually hurts i mean if shes good looking then she must be thinking that, she obviously wouldn't care to know anything about me. i guess i am the product of the meaning of such quotes as "my own worst enermy".. but the worst thing is i agree with what i am hearing in my head.. and that soon enough turns into anger.

 

All i want is a nice girl who i can honestly say that i love, to see her as an extension of myself.. yet i just can't see that ever happening, maybe i deserve it for the way i naturally am? i mean my natural personality is quite avoidant and i am used to looking after my own skin, and not caring for the well-being of any other.. i'm just cold and distant, by being nice arn't i lieing to her?

 

Oh well this started as a simple question, like most things the word 'simple' has gone out the window, thanks for reading.

 

Soop.

 

p.s i wrote this entry straight from me head and have not read it, or i would end up deleting it.. i just wrote how i see things, thats all i can do

[jalexy]

be yourself and nothing more or less. dont pretend to be a jerk to get girls, thats not good for you at all.

[Soop]

Originally posted by jalexy

be yourself and nothing more or less. dont pretend to be a jerk to get girls, thats not good for you at all.

 

To be myself is to be someone who i hate, sometimes one has to learn to be real rather than to work on basic instincts.

[jalexy]

if you hate yourself, that is a whole other story. you might want to work on that first. if you want to change, change into the person YOU want to become, not someone that other people think is great for you and your sex or love life.

[Soop]

that is true, but due to my past i haven't learned how to care for another.. and its hard to change without accepting another, its one of those things where i need to learn in my own expriences more than anything else.

 

even if i am not being the real me i'd still have the chance to learn to love another (not in sex terms.. i really don't care about sex).. but i guess in the long run that would cause many problems/issues..

 

i dunno, its one of those black and white subjects with many shades of gray, thanks for the advice anyway m8.

 

-Soop

[HokeyReligions]

Actually, you sound like a typical teenager to me. Full of self-doubt and self-esteem issues.

 

You need to be more positive about yourself and build up your self-confidence and stop thinking about what others might think about you. You are not a mind-reader - remind yourself of that every time you think you know what thoughts lie behind a glance or a smile.

 

There are a lot of books that may help you -- hopefully some of the other people posting will have the names/authors.

 

Don't worry about meeting girls right now. Do things that interest you, hang out with friends, your personality is still developing and you will change as you mature. I can't believe I felt and thought the things I did when I was a teenager - I can't re-feel them, but I can remember feeling them at the time.

 

If you meet a girl that you would like to spend some time with -BE YOURSELF. If she says NO then it's her loss, and she probably wouldn't have made you happy or been compatible with you anyway. Talk to a girl for a while and try to get to know her a little, then ask her out to a movie, or mini golf, or a gun safety course, or whatever floats your boat. If she's not into those activities and says no - then count your blessings that you didn't waste time going out with someone who doesn't share your interests. There are girls out there who share many of the same interests that you do, and for which your own personality is a good match.

 

You might have some insecure / internal thoughts about being a fool when you ask someone out, but really -- it's only you that see yourself that way.

[Soop]

thanks for the advice HokeyReligions well i generally don't beleive in there being a typical teenager, even when being a teen all personalitys are different and we all act in different ways to different situations and we also learn from the history that our life has delt us.

 

To be honest i know that being myself is always the key, it has to be.. otherwise the person she would be fooling in love with is nothing more than a fantasy, a make-beleive personality.

 

My anger for who i am is also just me, i can't change that and perhaps in a weird sorta way i don't want to either.. since its what makes me.. well me! what i fail to understand is this one simply question; should i be friendly which isn't the way i usually am or should i just be me which is generally much more quite and my own person (some if not most people would describe me as mean/firey), if i continue to be the real me than i'll never find any girl, simply because i can honestly say that during my whole highschool life i never actually spoke to a girl whatsoever (i am that much of a person that doesn't feel need to be around others, and again isn't that just me?)

 

i am in no hurry to have a girlfriend, never have been and never will be.. but, it would just feel so nice to feel.. well.. loved

[Jim24]

If you create a relationship by not being yourself the whole thing will become a lie. If you have to get a girl to like you by discarding your best friends and trying to become "cool" it's really not worth it. Just be yourself, start up a casual conversation about movies or music and ask questions to discover other conversation topics. The only other thing I have to add is my usual warning: don't do it online. I say this warning a lot, but for a good reason.