Nemo Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 That made me laugh. You must live in the mid-west or Utah to think that your clock is ticking at 22. I can't find the thread right now, but she's posted before that she wants at least 10 kids. Now you understand the urgency. She will sure have her work cut out for her. However, there will be no shortage of goat cheese.
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Darn and I thought I would club Cute and drag her back to my cave.
fral945 Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Age: 28 How long have you been single? 9 months Are you in love? No How often do you go on dates? A few times a year Where do you meet people? At work, gym, online Why do your dates fail to progress to an R? From my perspective I see few with long term qualities I'm looking for, or there are major incompatibilities. From the women's side, my dating experience has shown me that most women where I live (a smallish town in the Bible Belt) will not consider a long-term relationship with men who are non-religious. Therefore, my pool of available women is severely limited. To resolve this I will probably have to move to a larger city in a more liberal area of the country or start going to church. Do you want to be in an R? Yes What are you looking for? Physical attractiveness, good regular sex life, reason, and accountability Do you think you'll find it? What if you don't? Not the above 4 qualities in one woman. If I don't find it in the next few yrs. I'll probably settle for the 1st two until I get older. Then once my sex drive goes down I'll probably look for a woman that has the 2nd two What do you do on the weekends? Play sports, read, workout, cook, play music, masturbate, spend time with family or friends What's your sex life like? Once in a blue moon How often? See above answer With whom? Dates? Short R's? F-buddies? All of the above How many partners a year? This year is 3, but average over the past few yrs. is closer to 0 How do you feel about them? They are nice people I have sex with Is your clock a-tickin? Somewhat
Chinook Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Gender: Female Age: 38 How long have you been single? 2 years Are you in love? No. How often do you go on dates? I don't date. Where do you meet people? Regular everyday people - work, coffee shops gym. Date material people - I don't meet them. Why do your dates fail to progress to an R? I don't date, therefore they don't progress. Do you want to be in an R? Yes. And no. What are you looking for? I'd like to be in a committed, serious relationship with a view to progressing to marriage and children. But that's looking more and more unlikely by the day, so I stopped looking for it. I'm 38 people assume there is something wrong with you when you're single and alone at my age. Do you think you'll find it? What if you don't? No, I don't think I will find it. I think your average person is too busy looking for perfection to notice the nice ordinary people like me in front of them... so I have given up trying now. If I don't find what I would like, life will go on. Besides, I had some serious issues with cancer in the past and the thought of having to explain all that and the future uncertainty just puts me off from even getting into it. I have the conversation with myself of how it will go and don't even bother to say 'Hi' once that train of thought kicks in. What do you do on the weekends? Friday night - bottle of wine, DVD and takeaway. Saturday - laundry & cleaning, DVD in the evening. Sunday - visit my Auntie, ironing & DVD and preparing for work on Monday. What's your sex life like? None existent. How often? 0 With whom? Dates? Short R's? F-buddies? 0 How many partners a year? 1990-1995 = 1 1996-2004 = 1 2004-2005 = 1 2006 = 1 How do you feel about them? It's over now. Is your clock a-tickin? Yes but I kinda came to accept I won't be a natural mother now anyhow. I'm considering single adoption (only thinking about it at the moment).
kashmir Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Gender: Male Age: 19 How long have you been single? Always Are you in love? Nope How often do you go on dates? Very rarely, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Where do you meet people? Nowhere in particular, I don't meet many people though. Why do your dates fail to progress to an R? Don't go on dates in the first place. Do you want to be in an R? Sure, why not? What are you looking for? Anything, really. Someone steady would be nice, but a little fun would be cool too. Do you think you'll find it? What if you don't? Someday. What do you do on the weekends? Play music out, maybe drink a bit every other weekend or so. Besides that, I just study and workout. What's your sex life like? Doesn't exist How often? With whom? Dates? Short R's? F-buddies? How many partners a year? How do you feel about them? Is your clock a-tickin? No, but sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my youth.
Isolde Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 . Besides, I had some serious issues with cancer in the past and the thought of having to explain all that and the future uncertainty just puts me off from even getting into it. I have the conversation with myself of how it will go and don't even bother to say 'Hi' once that train of thought kicks in. I'm sorry to hear this, Chinook, but I think you should realize that 1) you don't owe anyone an explanation until the relationship is getting serious and 2) the right person will accept this. I don't mean to sound simplistic, but I don't think this kind of thinking is good for you.
Isolde Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 If you don't mind me asking are you a virgin? No, I'm not a virgin. Hence, I know what I'm missing but casual isn't for me.
Chinook Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I'm sorry to hear this, Chinook, but I think you should realize that 1) you don't owe anyone an explanation until the relationship is getting serious and 2) the right person will accept this. I don't mean to sound simplistic, but I don't think this kind of thinking is good for you. That may be true, but having lived with the diagnosis of what was an aggressive cancer, for 6 years... I have plenty of experience of people treating me 'differently' once they know about my history. To add to that, my diagnosis was pretty aggressive and I was informed that even with treatment, it may come back at any time - the danger period being between 6 and 10 years for my particular stage and grade. With that kind of uncertainty, not many people want to invest in a relationship or indeed embark upon a relationship where in fact, that person may well be taken away from them. Additionally, it is incredibly hard to watch someone you love dealing with YOUR disease and treatment and their pain because they cannot do anything to help you. It doesn't matter whether the person is the 'right' person or not, the cancer thing changes things... trust me, I have plenty of experience of knowing that.
Isolde Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 That may be true, but having lived with the diagnosis of what was an aggressive cancer, for 6 years... I have plenty of experience of people treating me 'differently' once they know about my history. To add to that, my diagnosis was pretty aggressive and I was informed that even with treatment, it may come back at any time - the danger period being between 6 and 10 years for my particular stage and grade. With that kind of uncertainty, not many people want to invest in a relationship or indeed embark upon a relationship where in fact, that person may well be taken away from them. Additionally, it is incredibly hard to watch someone you love dealing with YOUR disease and treatment and their pain because they cannot do anything to help you. It doesn't matter whether the person is the 'right' person or not, the cancer thing changes things... trust me, I have plenty of experience of knowing that. This is true, I already said I wasn't trying to minimize the situation. I do know of people with similar histories who managed to find relationships. All I'm saying is that resignation is never the best outcome, unless, of course, it's what you want. Good luck, take time to think about what YOU want, and again, I'm sad to hear about this.
D-Jam Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I'm not single anymore, but I will answer based on when I was. I've only been dating my current for 3 months. Gender: Male Age: 35 How long have you been single? 6 years Are you in love? I lusted for some women I knew, but the deeper love only comes from finding Ms Right. I was in love with my last ex even after she ended it...but it took time to get over it. How often do you go on dates? Barely never. It's just not a big priority for me in my life based on how much of a hassle with drama it's been for me. Where do you meet people? I just roll around in the world, do my own thing, and wait for an opportunity to meet someone interesting comes along. Only downer is that most single women I meet are still out to tame a "bad boy" or some jerk...thus showing me how "damaged" they are, or they have some pretty messed up lives, or the cool women I've met either are with someone or getting over someone (and thus they don't want to date). I tried online dating, but every time felt like I was forcing myself to meet women when I really didn't want to. I'd have a lack of motivation on all of it. Why do your dates fail to progress to an R? Ever since my last ex, it seems like every woman I meet and date starts off cool, fun, interesting, etc. Usually a few dates into it she shows me just how uninterested she is in me and thus we drift apart, or she suddenly pops up with these massive issues that says she needs therapy more than a man. Most of these women tend to keep wanting some guy who treats them terribly. Either they're after some ex who treated her badly and dumped her, or they're out chasing after excitement and romance-novel chemistry. They believe and want to think they can find Mr Right with the chemistry that comes after 10-60 min of conversation...yet they keep ending up getting hurt over and over. For me, I just didn't have the means, skills, looks, or lifestyle that made women want to date and be all into me in an initial conversation. They'll think I'm cool, but not dateworthy. Only times I land the women interested in more is either ones who stick around and really get to know me (then they fall for me) or the ones who wreck their lives and think I'll be their backup plan or last resort. Most of the time it's her getting knocked up and abandoned by some douche, and then she's out looking for a meal ticket and avoidance of the "single mom" stigma. Do you want to be in an R? I do, but I keep to my father's words of "never get with someone for the sake of having someone". I used to want a girlfriend very badly, but after getting burned, rejected, and flaked out on so many times, I realized there's more to life than love and relationships. I thought about my life and if I ended up alone, and rather than be depressed or cynical, I filled it with travel, exploration, and career growth. I made the idea of a girlfriend or wife an added bonus as opposed to a priority. So the women I meet can keep chasing unrealistic fantasies or playing games or running around with the "I don't know what I want" excuses...it doesn't affect me anymore. I can live a happy life alone or with someone. (and even if my GF dumped me right now I still could) What are you looking for? A pretty woman who's around my age who has her life, head, and heart in order. She's not big and obese, and if she has kids she can still date and be someone's GF. She's not in a major rush to marry and have a family, and isn't into bad boys, jerks, and "challenges" as many women call them. I also love women who are into art and culture. Someone who's looking for the real deal and isn't sitting there thinking some impossible standard will pop up single and be with her. Do you think you'll find it? It doesn't matter. I hope I found it now with my current GF, but "It doesn't matter" was my answer when I was single. Again because I didn't make love a major priority of my life. What if you don't? Like I said, I will travel, do things, keep building my career, do my hobbies, keep busy and interesting in my life. I do things that please me and fulfill me in life. I won't sit around or be running around trying to "find someone", but more live a full life and see if we find each other. What do you do on the weekends? I'll see friends, watch movies, do photography, check out cultural events, go to drum circles and interesting things, go look at art, exercise, cook, learn Greek, learn to compose electronic music, make DJ mixes. At the time I was also finishing a Masters and doing freelance web work as well. Plenty to keep me busy. What's your sex life like? At the time, nonexistant. I didn't like sleeping around or doing ONS's. How often? Next to zero...unless masturbation counts. With whom? Dates? Short R's? F-buddies? I usually like sex with girlfriends or women I'm dating and been dating a few times. Had sex happen here and there with some women whom we were in multiple dates, but things fizzled out weeks after. How many partners a year? None. I think in the six years I was single, I had about 2 partners total. How do you feel about them? One was a drunken ONS...something I normally don't do. I saw her as flakey and trashy, and she needed me to be a cocky prick to her in order to find me attractive. Someone who wouldn't make me happy in the long run. The other was a girl I found attractive, but she went from nice girl to headcase...and it didnt' work out. Is your clock a-tickin? No clock here. I'd rather find the real thing and the right girl more than be a daddy. If family never happens for me I won't be disappointed. If we are too old, but want a family, there are plenty of orphans who need parents out there.
sunshinegirl Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Gender: F Age: 34 How long have you been single? 6 months Are you in love? No How often do you go on dates? 1-3 times per week Where do you meet people? online Why do your dates fail to progress to an R? Not every date is supposed to progress to an R. I'm not attracted to them or we're not compatible in some way. Do you want to be in an R? A healthy, happy one? Yes. Just any ole R, for the sake of being in one? No. What are you looking for? I am paying better attention to the character traits and values I need in a man, not just the surface (albeit fun) stuff of whether we like to do the same things or have the same sense of humor. Do you think you'll find it? What if you don't? I am slowly recovering my optimism that I will. My last BF cheated on me (blindsiding me) and really crushed my faith in humanity, as well as myself. What do you do on the weekends? Spend time with my sister and her family; dinners w/ friends; rock climb; run; watch Sunday morning pundits on TV. What's your sex life like? non-existent right now How often? n/a With whom? Dates? Short R's? F-buddies? How many partners a year? One partner so far total How do you feel about them? I resent that I gave my virginity to a man who ended up cheating on me. I feel gyped; instead of it being a warm, happy memory, it's tainted by his betrayal. Is your clock a-tickin? Starting to.
CandyGirlXO Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Gender: Female Age: 26 How long have you been single? About a year Are you in love? No, but I have a crush that I shouldn't. How often do you go on dates? Never Where do you meet people? I don't really. Why do your dates fail to progress to an R? I don't date. Do you want to be in an R? More than anything. What are you looking for? A nice guy to show me they aren't all the same. Do you think you'll find it? Sometimes I think I will, but other times I feel like I should give up on the whole idea. if you don't? I will be sad, and wonder what is wrong with me. I will always feel like something is missing in my life. What do you do on the weekends? I try to see friends, we go out eating/shopping/movies/bars. When they are busy with husbands/bf's I watch TV/movies, do laundry, sleep, masturbate, and the gym. I'm the only single one among my friends. What's your sex life like? Doesn't exist and I miss it everyday. How often? With whom? Dates? Short R's? F-buddies? No one right now but not really into the whole FWB situatin. How many partners a year? Zero since my ex. Is your clock a-tickin? No not sure if I want kids but I want to share my life with someone.
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 What are you looking for? I'd like to be in a committed, serious relationship with a view to progressing to marriage and children. But that's looking more and more unlikely by the day, so I stopped looking for it. I'm 38 people assume there is something wrong with you when you're single and alone at my age. I know what you mean. It seems like people look for love and happiness like the look for their food. Fast and easy. It is rear to find people who truly understand how a relationship should be and work at it. I prefer to be miserable and alone than have one of those 65% of the people who wind up divorce. Love is too important and the words of the vows too scared to just utter them, cross my fingers for the best, and then keep my eyes close hoping I made the right choice. I hate the fact I am kind of disappointing my two moms (my aunty and my blood mom). They know who I am and really would love to have grandchildren from their son (my aunty's only son died in Vetenam and when I came into her life and she into mine, she has treated me like her own child). Do you think you'll find it? What if you don't? No, I don't think I will find it. I think your average person is too busy looking for perfection to notice the nice ordinary people like me in front of them... so I have given up trying now. If I don't find what I would like, life will go on. Besides, I had some serious issues with cancer in the past and the thought of having to explain all that and the future uncertainty just puts me off from even getting into it. I have the conversation with myself of how it will go and don't even bother to say 'Hi' once that train of thought kicks in. If you pray for me, I'll pray for you that we find the kind of people like us. People who notice the extraordinary, ordinary nice people in front of them. And I'll keep your health in my prayers and heart. I can understand the uncertainty. I had a few close aunts and an uncle (he was my dad when I did not have one) who died from cancer. So, I have a little bit of an idea what your going through.
Isolde Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 When they are busy with husbands/bf's I watch TV/movies, do laundry, sleep, masturbate, and the gym. Is it wrong that I laughed at this? (In understanding, not in mocking.)
CandyGirlXO Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Is it wrong that I laughed at this? (In understanding, not in mocking.) Sucks doesn't it?
Author spookie Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 This thread is so depressing. And I think we all need to get laid.
Author spookie Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 Not me.. Yours was the only happy post. But for the people looking for the kind of toe-curling sex that involves love, the prospect doesn't seem good. Judging from the couples I know IRL, it seems like if you didn't manage to end up with your high school or college sweetheart, you're pretty screwed. Do you guys even know any couples who met as legit adults, who went on to last?
Ariadne Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Do you guys even know any couples who met as legit adults, who went on to last? Touche only but she looks like a model.
Chinook Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Judging from the couples I know IRL, it seems like if you didn't manage to end up with your high school or college sweetheart, you're pretty screwed. Do you guys even know any couples who met as legit adults, who went on to last?One guy I know met his current GF at work and his reason for going out with her was he didn't want to be alone - at the time, I thought he was barmy, now I can see he was pretty astute, he didn't want to be left on the shelf like me. A couple of other friends have met guys online and it seems to be working out so far, but yep generally the rest are all HS sweeties.
Author spookie Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 That made me laugh. You must live in the mid-west or Utah to think that your clock is ticking at 22. RF For one thing, I'm nearly 23. For another, I'm pretty wise. I'm keenly aware of how time speeds up every year. I know how people get into routines. If I meet 0 people a year, and I have 15 more years to find someone with whom to have children... 0*15 is still 0.
Isolde Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I don't think the HS/college sweethearts thing holds true at all. It's just that people who met that way are very verbal about it. On the other hand, I feel like the twenties are the worst time to find a solid relationship. It seems like highschoolers and thirtysomethings have an easier time than we do. ???
Trialbyfire Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 If I meet 0 people a year, and I have 15 more years to find someone with whom to have children... 0*15 is still 0. Your work life is impacting on your logical thought processes. You sound like an actuary! spook, you're 23 years old with plenty of time to meet someone special. You've only begun working in a serious job in the last year. Have some patience and lower your expectations of yourself, or at minimum, don't self-flagellate when you haven't gotten to where you want to be, yet.
Chinook Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I feel like the twenties are the worst time to find a solid relationship. It seems like highschoolers and thirtysomethings have an easier time than we do. ???Um, nope. I'd say it's easier the younger you are. As you progress in years, the dating pool gets smaller and by definition more difficult. I think there are some articles on this on the 'net some place but I can't remember where. That said, I think each time period probably has it's own problems. I know for myself at 38, it's inherently hard to find any guy at all let alone a guy with no kids and no baggage. As time passes, you have to redefine your goals and priorities.
Isolde Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Um, nope. I'd say it's easier the younger you are. As you progress in years, the dating pool gets smaller and by definition more difficult. I think there are some articles on this on the 'net some place but I can't remember where. That said, I think each time period probably has it's own problems. I know for myself at 38, it's inherently hard to find any guy at all let alone a guy with no kids and no baggage. As time passes, you have to redefine your goals and priorities. I always had the perception that ppl in their thirties were more likely to want something serious, though. At my age many guys are commitophobes still.
Recommended Posts